To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

[Sacredhandbag]

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

@Phineyj I'm like me I think!

It's complex. Which comes first, the pressure at school, screen time, tired parents working too hard, tired child, child with virus and so on...or ADHD. Cause and effect.
I do feel a lot of lay people have grabbed hold of the term " masking" and use it all over the place. Maybe it can be a handy tool, who knows?
A few years ago everybody was dyslexic, now they are masking.

Can't anybody just be ordinary or tired or lively or a 7 year old anymore?

OP, hope Day One is going OK. Weather a bit better I think maybe?

I'm fine with different people having different takes.

But OP sounded sad, baffled and overwhelmed.

I've got good insight and support now I hope, but having been driven to suicidal despair and nearly losing my marriage over our DD's needs, I take it very seriously when I see posts like the OP's.

Mumsnet can be v useful to access a broad range of experiences and ideas.

OP that does sound intense. My son was similar, I called him high maintenance. Often I would book an activity day or two for him during the holidays just to keep him engaged and maintain my sanity. He is much better now, I think reading Phillipa Perry's book, the book you wish your parents had read. Was transformational for me as it gave me an ability to communicate in a way I understood with my son and we had a much more comfortable relationship. It is also worth researching ADHD in girls. It's only just being recognised that girls have ADHD as well as boys because they often present so differently. In girls , excessive chatting or being dreamy, squirming, fidgeting, sensory issues, hair twirling, lack of patience etc is quite common I believe. The school may have difficulty identifying for a number of reasons but if it's affecting her ability to learn to read then it's probably worth an investigation and a push from you. None of that however means there is anything wrong with her but that your increased understanding and different parenting approaches means you all get a break.

Good point and so sorry you have been through this.

Mine went through the whole of primary school without a diagnosis. I would suspect AuDHD. Schools are reluctant to label children especially if they seem fine at school. They usually are because they like being the best at everything so can be model students. See how it goes on whether she needs Assessment, support or even meds.

I would try giving times or even a schedule. She sounds bored and lonely. Agree when you'll play with her and when you need to get things done using visual time slots.

It sounds like her brain is constantly whirring. Reading would probably help if she could manage it. I'm wondering why she is such a reluctant reader and why the school haven't commented on it.

And it's absolutely fine to dread half terms. Sometimes it's worth bundling up and letting them run around the park in the cold just to burn off energy. We bought ours a scooter which was a life-changer. Apart from "Scooter School" when we had our own scooter too 😂, ours would just be bombing up and down in the park. It also helped them make friends to scoot with.

Yes I think so too

Thanks everyone, I've caught up with all replies.

I wrote this on a particularly bad day when I was struggling. The last two days have been happier for us all. Yesterday (Sunday) we were out all day long at a huge new soft play she's never been to before followed by a massive swimming complex with tonnes of slides, we took a friend of hers with us and she had an amazing time and didn't complain once. Right now we are driving back from a day at a theme park, it's just gone 8pm and we still have about half an hour left to drive, we left at 7:30am she is still jabberign away in the back and her brother is fast asleep 😅 hoping she will chill a bit tomorrow or play in the garden and let me work but not counting on it! Her brother has asked to not do anything because he needs a quiet day. They are like chalk and cheese but brought up the same!!
Thanks for all suggestions. I think I will push a bit harder for an assessment after half term and ask to speak to the SENCO. I'm not overly keen to lable her but it would be helpful to understand her a little better and for her to understand herself more when she's older.
Thanks again x

Wow, that's a lot of masking going on there. 2 whole days worth.
Hope the rest of the week is OK for you all.

You could be describing my daughter.

She was ‘busy’ all the time and it wasn’t until secondary that the wheels fell off and she was diagnosed AuADHD in April last year.

School may well think there is nothing amiss as girls are so good at being ‘normal’ and when they have downtime at home that’s when it aaaaaaallllll comes out. Whether that’s incessant talking or when older, a full on meltdown.

@lentilbake16 I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you do not know very much about masking.

Maybe you would find these documentaries educational:

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0bbnh47/episodes/player

Also glad you had a good couple of days OP.

Thank you @Phineyj , I don't need documentaries. I fully comprehend how children get through the day/ put on an act at school. But to keep it going with friends, on playdates, at a waterpark, at soft play and at home is really stretching credibility.

Don't most dc and adults act differently at school or work anyway

It’s really not stretching it.

I don't want to just throw labels about BUT...... could she possibly be neurodiverse.
I ask this as my oldest now 11 has always been a bit 'different ', I didn't think much of it. Just that it's just her character UNTIL puberty happened. And when the hormones and emotions kicked in I was blown away, then started researching. And actually feel really guilty that I missed so many signs.
Basically now she is on the neurodiverae pathway with strongly suspected autism and ADHD. I see the ADHD more so personally, supposed she has never broken a bone. But I'm actually amazed how many symptoms of each she hits.
Not that a diagnosis will change who any of our children are..... but a diagnosis can help gain understanding, and knowledge is power. If you know what you are working with you can arm yourself with the tools to help manage.
My daughter has always been an over achiever academically, socially not so much and she has no risk assessment even now.
So it may not be the answer for your child, but after reading your post it definitely screams meurodiverse to me. So maybe speak to teachers (she could well mask at school, it was her year 6 teacher who first picked up on any symtpoms), and research neurodiverse conditions.
I know this won't help immediate with this half term, but good luck

She sounds like my daughter...who is 7 and has ADHD and we are awaiting an autism diagnosis too....it is relentless...she never stops...she masks all day at school then comes home and has meltdowns. Definitely sounds there is some neurodiversity going on here. It's tough but I definitely think you need help. You may not want a label but getting a diagnosis can help the school and yourselves get support

This is tough because sometimes kids ( especially girls) can mask and hide at school so as to conform and not be told off so they are masking who they really are . It sounds really manipulative but it’s not at all, it’s their coping techniques that they probably aren’t even aware of .
I would push for a referral for CAHMS because even ruling out additional needs or neurodivergence will help you know how to cope or help her .
Sounds tough on you , looking after kids is hard enough but that sounds very full on. Good luck x