To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

Sure you can try

Will there be any proof of what happened if you do report it now ?

No proof. It’s not worth it is it. Just looked at the reviews of the hotel and it seems most people find this guy hilarious so would not get anywhere.

Report what? That he was rude and crude? That's not sexual assault. It's not a crime.

Report him for what and to who?

I'd move on. You dealt with it at the time by walking out and well done for that as I think alot would have stayed glued to the spot in embarrassment.

Not sure who you'd report anything to. If he's still at the same hotels etc presumably management have heard his routine and donf object to it. Unfortunately being rude and crude is what some comedians thrive on

I suspect any complaints would be put down to you 'not getting' his humour.

It sounds like a horrible experience but one you're probably better trying to forget about it.

What about writing to the comedian and tell him what he did, how your felt and the impact, it left job etc. hopefully he will feel bad for being a prick. I don’t think there’s any value in contacting the police as it was so long ago.

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

Was it part of his act?
I would do an online review saying frankly he’s shit. You won’t be the only one who thinks he is. But sadly if enough people find him funny he’ll still be in a job that’s the nature of comedy.

No you didn’t overreact. But it would be impossible to prove. And no crime per se had been committed. The people I would think less of are your colleagues who did not intervene in any way or reach out to you.

If your employer organised this as a works do, or let it go ahead as a team event, that is where you should complain. They had a duty of care, even outside the workplace. If it was something you and your work colleagues planned without management input then you should have checked out what he was like as a team and individually. However it should still be raised as an issue. This is not the sort of thing they should endorse and it is quite possibly a form of bullying. All your colleagues should have left and not sat by and watched sexual harassment and bullying.

I don’t actually think you over reacted at all. You were very clearly upset and distressed by it and embarrassed. I’d be horrified if someone pointed out my lack of - isn’t this the equivalent? Some things can’t be helped and this is one of them. It’s caused you a lot of upset if you’re thinking about it 6 years later, yes I would report it to the hotel. Even if nothing comes from it.

You’re not overreacting at all. I would find this incredibly upsetting. You could contact the hotel to say, “I’m not sure if this is still part of his act, but this happened years ago and still really upsets me.”

I don’t think you can report it. Doesn’t sound illegal just not nice and what would a hotel do about something from 6 years ago.

It sounds like he was the sort of 'comedian' who told those sort of 'jokes'. There were several of them around back then, unfortunately. Most of the audience would be expecting it so I don't think complaining about it would help.

Gosh how awful. Personally I would report it to the hotel, just for my own peace of mind, and to have it on the record somewhere. You can just be factual and matter of fact about it. And as long as you aren't tied to a specifc outcome, why not. Proof is not really the point, it's honouring yourself and making a stand. Good luck.

Honestly, what do you think the hotel will say now about it? other than saying to the OP contact the police genuinely what outcome do you think actually will happen?

He was vile to humiliate you like that.
You did not overreact at all and I’m glad you walked out.
You might start by getting advice from a sexual abuse helpline as it still upsets you so much. He didn’t touch you but his words were a kind of violation.

You didn't over react at all

He was disgusting

But you needed to complain at the time

You chose not to (and I understand why) but its too late now

I'd learn from this and should something similar happen again - roar!

Unfortunately this is the sort of thing that comedians do at work dos. A number of years ago my work had a famous (female) comedian who who was shockingly crude - most of the company loved a rude joke, but this woman left everyone's jaw hanging open. I was near the front with my DH (who also worked there) and she chose me to pick on a lot and it was horrible.

But I really don't think you can complain. The hotel won't have hired him it'll have been your company who did - and I doubt they knew he'd be that bad.

That’s revolting OP and I’m disgusted none of your colleagues stood up for you. I would have been mortified if this happened to me, and it would have played on my mind for years. I cannot beleive those men ‘joined in’ by getting on stage- talk about herd mentality. As a manager (and colleague!) I’d of complained myself if this had happened to a member of my staff!!!

It’s likely too late to complain and without evidence (unless it’s in his weekly gig!) it’d be hard to prove. Perhaps you could send him a message but it’s unlikely to change anything.

Im sorry that happened to you.

This is a good idea. Have a chat with someone who can help you put it in perspective ❤️

He sounds vile. If he's still working at the hotel you could write to them and say what happened. You don't need to mention when it was. Give your feedback to add to other possible complaints/feedback and eventually they may consider booking someone else. Also reviews if he has any social media. He sounds like a misogynist who enjoys humiliating women - that feedback is pretty blunt but true and there's no reason he shouldn't hear it, as should the people who pay him to do it.

I think if I were you, I would write a stinking review of his 'comedy' either on the hotel website or on FB etc. I have done this and thousands of people see these reviews.