To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

I am really pleased you did something proactive. If nothing else it might help you to process it all. And, despite some of the minimisers and deniers on here, you have had a huge amount of support.

We've moved on and hopefully he's not behaving the same way.

It was 2019, not the bloody Dark Ages. We had already moved on by then. Supposedly.

I'm really pleased that you came back and saw how many posters were behind you doing this. This was absolutely the right course of action. It is always worth calling misogyny and sexism out and making it clear it's not acceptable in ANY way, even dressed up as (low brow/unintelligent) comedy. I love stand up and this is not just par of the course and something that should be tolerated.

I hope this has helped you feel more at peace.

I just wanted to say I understand how this has preyed on your mind. I was at the Comedy Club in London with some friends in the 90s. Another woman, not in our party, whispered sth to her friend, and the guy on stage went completely ballistic at her. It was totally uncalled for, really abusive. I was appalled but no one said anything and neither did I and I have thought about it a lot since.

Then I was in the Comedy Club in Clapham and the comedian really laid into a woman about her roots showing - she was sitting just below the stage. It went on and on and on and in the end someone backstage made a "cut it" gesture to the guy. He apologised to her and they gave her a bottle of wine.

I got fed up going to Comedy clubs because of the mysogeny. The Sunday Times had a big article about the industry last weekend. One comedian's ex wife tried to write a book about his exploits and he took out a court order.

Anyway, your experience is not untypical and it is all starting to come out xx

Wow, can’t believe you’ve been driven to this. Flattered?? This demeaning and blatant sexism is an emotional assault and you’re still suffering from it now. This aggressive man needs outing as soon as possible. Your colleagues were also vile, as was everyone who colluded with this damaging attack on your body and your emotional wellbeing. The hotel should be made aware of how you feel, as should he. Your husband sounds cool, thank goodness. Some women wouldn’t have this support after what was a traumatic experience, the ‘comedian’ is psychologically damaging. Creep.

Could be proof if someone filmed the gig.
If the person is still in the public eye then I guess you could tell the police. I'm just not sure how far it'll go, and it could be distressing for you.

I would do an online Google review for the hotel, explaining what happened / how bad the incident made you feel. Might be best not to name the comedian directly, just say an entertainer employed at the hotel.

X

Not true. That type of jokes are ok if they don't involve a human on stage whose body is beeing laughed at and ridiculed. That is abuse.

a good bit of info comes up if you put in sexist comedian Blackpool. Over the years it seems some have left bad reviews and the hotel does not seem to have responded .I hope Op gets a response but sadly they must do well booking him as no doubt the bar takings are high on comedy nights.

Don’t ever think you should have joined in or that you were to sensitive.
it made you feel uncomfortable and your work colleagues carried on afterwards.
Your husband was not happy about how you had been treated and that you were disrespected.
its not normal and the people telling you to let it go etc might want to think what if you were their daughter and it happened!
I would maybe email if you can’t face ringing the hotel , just explain how you felt and mention that also the reviews are positive that maybe they could put a trigger warning or comedy with a theme of sexual innuendo.
Everyone should have the right to be able to address those kind of things no matter how much time has gone by.
As women we should build each other up and support when someone makes themselves vulnerable and shares , that way we pass it on to our younger generation that speaking up is ok and not something we should endure and keep inside!

No no no no no no no no. You didn’t over-react and should not have felt flattered, that’s what creeps like that tell themselves and want us to believe. I agree with others that there is little point in reporting it now but that doesn’t mean it was ok.

Yes it is true.
we will have to agree to disagree.

I get that you’re upset, I’ve had similar experiences in the past but have to admit not in front of an audience, it must’ve really been awful. I confess it’s unusual these days as it’s deemed as sexual harassment, and it is!
Hind sight is a wonderful thing because if you had said…
”Yes it’s difficult to keep them out of sight, unlike your cock which is hidden away because the word on the street is you’re lacking in size. So if you get your dick out on stage and prove me wrong, I’ll play your stupid game by jumping up and down… oh, YOU don’t want to play the sexual harassment game? No I didn’t think you would”.
I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked his manhood being the topic.
I went to a comedy act a couple of years ago, it’s was all shouting, foul language and vulgarity. There wasn’t anything I could call a joke. I’m no prude but I didn’t find any of it amusing and nor did the majority of the audience, the silence was cringeworthy. I wouldn’t waste my money on so called comedy shows now.
Tbh I would write to the hotel, putting it in words for them to read might hit home. If it’s a hotel with a Chief Executive I would also write to them, go to the top, they need to know. It appears it was all part of the act, and if it’s still part of the act it needs removing because sexual harassment is against the law, and bullying and sexual harassment is never funny.