To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

I would make a complaint. Perhaps nothing will be done. Perhaps his routine has changed with the times. But what he said was not ok and it is a good idea to make that known. It was not ok for him to speak to you like that and it is ok for you to tell him so.

It may make you feel better for having stood up for yourself as well.

Good you walked out x

Can you name and shame and put what you have posted online? Agree do it on the reviews of everywhere he performs over and over again. He will hate that.

Absolutely!

The more I think about this the more I feel passionate that this needs addressing. You will feel better for it. The hotel will be more than aware of his nastiness (dressed up as stand up) you don't need 'proof'.

We honestly need to call this bs out EVERY time and even years later.

I’m sorry op. The man was obviously a total twat and you did the right thing leaving. And no, of course you shouldn’t be “flattered”! Some random moron publicly discussing the size of your breasts is in no way flattering.
He obviously has the emotional intelligence of a tic tac, so I’m not sure if you complained to him you would get any kind of apology. I would name and shame him though, publicly. Outing him as a misogynistic prick might make you feel better and stop people going to see him.

Yes, I'd do this too. I'd also leave a shitty review for tvd hotel, since they're employing this creep.

Please don’t say you’re overreacting - you’re not.

I am sorry that happened to you, OP. It is vile and just awful. I am sorry that it has had such an impact on you that it’s still milling around in your head six years down the line.

Unfortunately I do think it’s a little late to act on it now, it’s a shame to say that lots of women will have similar stories thanks to creepy, disgusting, sickening men.

Try to move on, and hey, he’ll be dead one day. 🤷‍♀️😂

xx

How long ago was this op, it feels like quite some time the way it’s written.

you can’t complain in retrospect, and likely all they would do is tell him to tone it down. If anything.

it does sound deeply embarrassing to be picked on like that. I was at a comedians once when the comedian took the piss out my friend for being fat. It was a female comedian too. Everyone in the crowd laughed, and I could see she was upset by it, but gritted her teeth till she stopped. I was quite shocked to be honest. I don’t think anyone considered complaining. She was going on about the fat woman who would rather be eating biscuits.

i am not sure it is in the same bracket as sexually harassing colleagues at work, which is what the male celebs issue is really at its core, the power imbalance.but it is horrible when picked on.

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

It's right there in the OPs title.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. So traumatic. And you are quite right that this horrible misogynist is still poking fun at women for cheap laughs. Leave an absolute stinker of a review for the hotel for employing him. And then get therapy. You can’t change the world but you can try to process the trauma it causes.

Gumbo if it’s not too outing, was it Sarah Millican?

Was it a drag act?

Even in the UK, it's not yet illegal to tell sexist jokes.

This is disgusting behaviour from him and so inappropriate. I don’t know how anyone would find that “hilarious” either. I think it is worth complaining as it may prevent this sort of incident from happening again to someone else.

You didn’t over react, the comic is an idiot, but I do think you’ve got to put it behind you and not let that poor excuse of a man blight your life any more. You’re worth more than that and he isn’t.

I used to work on the comedy circuit many moons ago. One comedian in particular was always vile with women and would single one out a night to humiliate and the audience used to roar with laughter like the clapping seals they sometimes are.
On the few occasions I had to speak with him at any length his views were misogynistic and angry towards women. I did speak to management at the time about it albeit in a casual conversation. They thought he was great he was very popular etc and shut me down.
He used to upload videos on his youtube channel of him humiliating 'hecklers' always women. Always with him being really nasty and personal.

He wasn't some rancid old timer he was a young bloke and I can remember wondering why he hated women so much. Other comedians on the circuit were well aware of what he was like.
He ended up raping a woman and went to prison for it thankfully.
I shudder to think of how shit he made women feel when he would launch his 'humour' on them and I hated watching women squirm in discomfort all in the name of comedy.
YANBU to feel like this OP. Leave a review.

Oh OP, you did not overreact and please don't shame yourself for not complaining at the time. You were unsupported by colleagues but you still had the guts to stand up and walk out. It was vile and bullying behaviour, I am not surprised it still plays on your mind. I would have been very upset too.
Personally, I would write a letter of complaint to the hotel, and to your former employer - I do not think it is an appropriate act for a work setting, nor for your former colleagues to use it to humilitate you at work afterwards. They may be unaware of how it has impacted you - and you will not have been the only woman this has happened to over the years. You do not even have to send the letters, but writing it down might help you process some of it.
It was a mean and violating thing that happened to you, and I hope you can give yourself the self-compassion to not blame yourself for how you responded or didn't respond 💐

You should leave a review for the hotel and mention this publicly.

This was hugely inappropriate.

@Redspottyfrog

No you are not overreacting at all.

If he did this to you, he does this to others.

I firmly believe that women should not feel like they should ‘keep quiet and be a good girl’ over male behaviour that is abusive.

If that happened on the street, in the office, in a park, in a school it needs reporting. Just because it is a hotel/comedian makes no difference.

Yes report it, even if it happened 6 years ago - I’ve no doubt it’s a piece to a bigger jigsaw.

I actually would write clearly and firmly to the people who have been suggested. Times have moved on a little. And that sort of behaviour is seen as more shocking. Just write (in the hope this foul man gets a few fewer bookings). You could find out who his agent is and tell them you have done so and that the story is on a public forum now and that the dots will be joined by others.

And as far as proof - well it was seen by the rest of the audience so I wouldnt worry about steaming ahead with your letters.

Honestly he sounds like a bad 1970s 'comedian' and not fit for today's stage. Just a nasty misogynist bully.

I would be inclined to write to the hotel if it will make you feel better. As long as it won’t upset you even more if you get a less than helpful response, or none.

I’d do nothing and move on with life.

No need to think this, no one is saying you should have been flattered. It was objectively ghastly.
But you wanted opinion if it was worth reporting and without bringing emotion into it some people think that it is likely to go nowhere or achieve anything.
What he did was very grim and disgusting.

Lots of posts are saying that OP’s workplace booked the comedian but he works at the hotel.

You didnt overreact but equally theres nothing to report to anyone

Its like if you're in a supermarket and someone is really rude to you, its not a crime

If you're saying he is the hotel comedian still and he's hired to give good entertainment, you could flag it with the hotel but given this is how he is I would imagine he isnt hired there anymore and/or other people have complained