To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

Could you do a quick review yourself, stating how the only way they get laughs is to punch down at/on others and that you found it quite vulgar and the mentality of those who thought it was funny too was quite telling... You never know your one review might enable others who were also the butt of their jokes and/or left very embarrassed to also leave a not so favourable review.

Your last line sums it up just beautifully!

He's a sad twat with crap jokes, you have nice tits and a great husband!

You didn't overreact.
Well done for leaving op.

Flattered? Why? He insulted, ridiculed and objectified you. Maybe leave a bad review... went to see this 'comedian' X number of years ago found him offensive and crude haven't wasted my time or money going to see him again!

Leave review and don't go back to read any reactions to your comment.

Things like this can eat away at you. He's an offensive little toad x

You could write a complaint about him on his social media if he has any? If you want people to know how you feel about this.

Yeah, put a complaint in writing, tell them what you said in your post also include details about the impact, the toll taken on your MH.

The way you were treated was pretty appalling to be honest and you are right to complain, as the more people who do may mean the hotel stop hiring the pathetic excuse for a comedian and maybe find one who is a hell of a lot funnier tha numb nuts.

Also, search for him online and see if there are an feedback sites and go hell for leather with feedback until he wishes the ground swallows him up.

I think that'd be a really bad idea. Presumably if people are following him on SM they're fans. They'll know what his act is like.

The OP would probably get nothing but negative responses & abuse. I think that would do far more harm than good

Yes I blooming would, even if no proof I don’t care! I am so sorry that’s humiliating on a personal level. I am shocked that someone would actually 1) do this and 2) think on some level it was funny.

some comedians warn they’re offensive, even then I have been utterly shocked by one and I have walked out of some places, although none were on a personal level just their lack of humour intelligence.

I would say I have a broad sense of humour but nothing around this level of depravity.

I’m glad you’ve found a kinder tide.

I know you said you wouldn’t contact the police but so many have said it’s not a sexual offence so police wouldn’t care. Some police forces record misogyny as a hate crime already, something like wolf whistling can be recorded so this would amount to it however it was 6 years ago and this was a more recent change. Sect 4a public order, causing intentional harassment, alarm or distress could fit also.
Regardless of the criminal aspect, you were right to feel very annoyed and still think about it. I would still send something to him/his agent/the hotel to get it off your chest (sorry no pun intended!!). It’s eating away at you and you need to make peace with it and come out the better person.

At the time absolutely. But I'd be concerned he'd laugh at you still being upset 6 years on if confronted. Or worse use it as a story in his crappy act!
You have a lovely husband & hopefully much nicer colleagues. I'd put it behind you and move forward.

Back then? It wasn't 1973!

That "comedian" sounds like a disgusting sleeze and utterly unfunny.

Sadly a certain type of person finds this shit hilarious. There is a reason why Chubby Brown et al have a following.

Realistically there is nothing you can do. Complaining to to hotel wont do anything as they clearly get their custom from the neanderthals that think its funny. You have left the job so dont have to deal with those aresholes again.

What you DO have is a loving husband who came for you when you needed him. Think on that when it upsets you.

They have nothing but tit and knob gags. You have your intelligence, self worth, pride and a partner that loves you.

ETA does this "comedian" have a social media following? worth posting on Twix etc if he does.

No and it was worse in 73, but it is still a thing for old misogynists who love a "My MIL is so fat/ugly" joke or think that On the Buses is that last word in intellectual comedy.

In Blackpool there are a hell of a lot of those kinds of "comedians" because that is where the last bastion of the old sexist racist arseholes will go.

By all means call the hotel and tell them you found him offensive.

You sound thick as mince. You probably find all this juvenile arse/tits stuff funny. Would you be so amused if it were you called out in front of a room full of people? Stared at and asked to jiggle about on the spot? People go to these things for entertainment not to be singled out and ridiculed.

Op you are not wrong to feel upset about it but there is little you can do regarding a complaint now. As pp said, you could make an anon account on socials and put your complaint forward that way. It's the best way to get through to people these days.

The guy sounds like a complete Neanderthal prick with no intelligence.

That sounds really, really horrible. Not just the comedian, but the reaction from colleagues. Too late for a claim for constructive dismissal, but your description is one of being forced to leave a job because you were being sexually harassed. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

While it may be too late to expect comedian or colleagues)to be sanctioned for their actions, you might find it helpful to lodge a complaint with the venue and your former employer.

Part of “moving on” (as others have suggested you do) may be to communicate your feelings to those responsible.

I just wanted to say thanks for those positive comments.
I have sent an email to the hotel. I don’t know if anything will happen but it’s made me feel better.

Hi.
I think the most significant issues that have affected my mental health over the years are the ones I've never gained closure on.

This has obviously affected you - so no, let me tell you you're not being unreasonable or overreacting. I absolutely think you should address what happened. If nothing else, it might help you to move on, and prevent some other woman having to endure the same humiliation.

I agree with others on here regarding contacting the hotel, or even the comedian's agent. Put down in writing exactly how he made you feel. Honestly, it's never too late, and you'll feel better for it. Be as brutal as you need to be. Write a review of his act too!!

This comedian sounds like he got stuck somewhere in the "Carry On" era!! Perhaps he thought he was the reincarnation of Sid James - talking to Barbara Windsor! "Knockers?" Who tf uses that word these days?? As for calling men up on stage to ogle you... well, that's totally inappropriate.

How does this constitute "humour" anyway?! More like something out of a Miss Wet T-Shirt contest.🤮

I guess there are women out there who would lap up this sort of attention, but you're not one of them.

Bloody annoying about your colleagues too. Perhaps your female colleagues were a tad jealous...

Sorry ive rambled on. It's nearly 2am and i can't sleep either. 😄

Honesty and openness can have that effect and sometimes that’s enough to do it.

It's good that you feel better sending the email to hotel. Will you wait for the hotels response? Do you think the hotel will reply? Do you have an expectation of the contents of the hotels reply. If the reply entails what you would expect - can you see yourself feeling recovered from this?

I'd still be tempted to report. May not get anywhere, but why defeat ourselves out of the gate.

A friend was sexually assaulted by a famous musician and reported him some 20 years later when she found out he was trying to work with Sesame Street on an HIV/AIDS awareness special. They uninvited him. Don't underestimate the power of a report. Might not happen now, but you aren't the only one. Also a public review... I d guess you may help others feel encouraged.

Also, even if nothing comes of it, you said your piece. You stood up for yourself and reclaimed your power.

this is not something Frankie Boyle would do

These days I believe the appropriate come back is to be just as obnoxious. Reply very loud “why don’t you four cunts jump up and down instead so we can see your tiny dicks wiggle? Heyyyyyyy it’s just a joooooke!”
Being stupid is not a crime, but it should definitely be fought back.

Will you complain about your colleagues too?

Like others have said on here, some female comedians did it too.
It's not right but was seen to be ok at the time.

We've moved on and hopefully he's not behaving the same way.

If the email reply is dismissive or no reply, then what?