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Original poster

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

388 replies

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:40

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
VeryDeepEverything · 14/02/2025 07:19

I think pp suggestion of a trip advisor review would be the one most likely to provide any level of fairness in this situation.
Make sure you sense check how you write it though so it comes across that you are dignified and he is a shitty bully.

Gettingslimmer · 14/02/2025 07:19

Sorry just seen it was six years ago, I’m afraid as everyone is saying, there is little you can do, I am sorry it happened and has had such a major impact on you.

Justanotherperson2025 · 14/02/2025 07:19

Sweetiedarling2024 · 14/02/2025 07:13

You should leave a review for the hotel and mention this publicly.

This was hugely inappropriate.

She'll have to be careful though, even though he was obviously a pig and she has every right to be upset, can she prove it? She'll have to be very sure she is not crossing into an area where they can take legal action for libel and defamation.

ScribblingPixie · 14/02/2025 07:20

You haven't overreacted at all. Not in the slightest. I definitely think you should talk this over with a professional. And decide how you will move forward, whether that's a complaint or simply something you do for yourself, in a way that will give you closure. You're entitled to respond after such appalling behaviour - how long ago is irrelevant. I wish I could go back 30 years and put a few men straight.

Roofofdoom · 14/02/2025 07:20

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 05:20

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

No. You didn’t over react. Thats hideous. I would write to the hotel. I would also put it on a review. I’d be tempted to see if he had a website himself. What a twat. Utter contemptible twat. I’m sorry you went through that.

Doloresparton · 14/02/2025 07:20

The incident sounds horrible @Redspottyfrog

The guy may call himself a comedian but he’s obviously still working at this hotel because he’s mediocre at best.
Talking about knockers to get a laugh proves he’s not very good at his job.
And drunk people will laugh at anything.

WednesdaysChild25 · 14/02/2025 07:21

I don’t think you’re overreacting, for something to be still troubling you six years later it clearly upset you deeply. Sadly, as others have said there’s probably not much that can be done this far down the line. Perhaps link his agent to this thread or the “ comedian” themselves, I’d probably use a new anonymously named email address. I’m far from a prude but it’s surprising that this shit is still going on, I thought it had been cancelled, this sort of “humour” is as funny as haemorrhoids!

shuffleofftobuffalo · 14/02/2025 07:22

That was blatant sexual harassment and you aren't over reacting at all, what a horrible experience. It doesn't get better a few years later does it, still plays on your mind. For your wellbeing it might help to speak to someone about it in terms of a therapist, organisation with appropriate expertise to help you process and validate your feelings.

As it was a work do you could have reported it to your employer at the time.

Sheknowsaboutme · 14/02/2025 07:24

If it bothered you so much, you should have opened your mouth then. Not now. Let the bandwagon pass eh?

BeardOToots · 14/02/2025 07:24

Leave a review on google and trip advisor detailing how he behaved.
The hotel WILL see this and it most are often compelled by their head office to directly respond.
I think this will have the greatest chance of affecting change, and getting you an apology.

Huckyfell · 14/02/2025 07:25

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:53

No proof. It’s not worth it is it. Just looked at the reviews of the hotel and it seems most people find this guy hilarious so would not get anywhere.

Shout them out on here, give us the name of the hotel so we can all avoid it.
Scum - folks like this, they need calling out.

bigvig · 14/02/2025 07:25

DistanceCall · 14/02/2025 05:00

Report what? That he was rude and crude? That's not sexual assault. It's not a crime.

This. He's definitely an arsehole but to waste police time reporting this is ridiculous.

TwentySecondsLeft · 14/02/2025 07:26

“Sexual harassment is any unwanted sexual behaviour that makes someone feel upset, scared, offended or humiliated, or is meant to make them feel that way.”

Victims and survivors of sexual harassment are often told that they are being 'unreasonable’ or 'too sensitive', or that they ‘can’t take a joke’.

@Redspottyfrog

IDontHateRainbows · 14/02/2025 07:27

The time to do anything about it has passed. No one will remember from 6 years ago.

Huckyfell · 14/02/2025 07:28

Sheknowsaboutme · 14/02/2025 07:24

If it bothered you so much, you should have opened your mouth then. Not now. Let the bandwagon pass eh?

In a room full of people and colleagues/friends - there are not many of us that would have spoken out then, the poor op was a figure of ridicule in a room full of people with a comedian sexualising her. I don't agree sorry. Even if you or me may have done 99% of others wouldn't have.

IButtleSir · 14/02/2025 07:28

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 05:20

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

You didn't overreact and you should NOT have been flattered. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

IDontHateRainbows · 14/02/2025 07:28

Huckyfell · 14/02/2025 07:25

Shout them out on here, give us the name of the hotel so we can all avoid it.
Scum - folks like this, they need calling out.

Show quote history

Probably any hotel in ( I presume) blackpool

Justanotherperson2025 · 14/02/2025 07:29

BeardOToots · 14/02/2025 07:24

Leave a review on google and trip advisor detailing how he behaved.
The hotel WILL see this and it most are often compelled by their head office to directly respond.
I think this will have the greatest chance of affecting change, and getting you an apology.

If she does this, she will need proof. He can sue for defamation and libel.

"Could a negative Google review amount to defamation under English law?
The simple answer is, technically it could. The claimant would, however, need to prove that there was:

  1. An untrue statement clearly identifying the individual/individuals;
  2. The statement has been published to at least one other person;
  3. The statement is capable of causing serious harm to the individual’s reputation;

https://www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/google-review-defamation/

"Truth – This is a complete defence and as the name suggests, the defendant would need to prove that the statements made were true."

If she has proof, thats fine. Otherwise she could cause herself a world of hurt.

And that is not to say I don't believe her, I have no reason not to. But this is dangerous advice.

Can A Negative Google Review Amount To Defamation? l Blog l Nelsons

Nelsons provide some comprehensive legal advice on whether a negative Google review can amount to defamation under English law.

https://www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/google-review-defamation

GreenYellowBrown · 14/02/2025 07:29

I think it’s probably too late to report it unfortunately 😢 However, it’s completely wrong what he did and you did the right thing by walking out 🥰

DancinOnTheCeiling · 14/02/2025 07:29

Oh OP, please ignore earlier posters who were so dismissive. What an awful, horrific and shaming experience, he sounds like an absolute pr..k. I am so so sorry this happened to you. I feel anger and rage and disgust on your behalf and I cannot believe your asshole colleagues for doing nothing, not checking on you and then slagging you off some more. I hate 'comedians' whose act consists of putting people down/being horrible to them. If they do it to themselves that's different. Just wanted to say I'm so so sorry this happened to you, and no wonder you still think about it. I'm so glad you walked out and your DH came to get you. I think it's normal you didn't report it as you'll have felt shocked and shamed and invalidated/dismissed due to the lack of response from anyone else. I hope the 'comedian' and anyone who witnessed it and did nothing feels deep shame. People can be so nasty. 😔

FOJN · 14/02/2025 07:32

45% of people who responded to the poll think you are being unreasonable to be upset by sexual harassment. Sigh

I would leave a review and I would include the words sexual harassment. You could mention it was a few years ago and say you hope he's brought his act into the 21st century now. Sometimes a bit of pas ag is appropriate.

You could write a letter about how you feel and then hold onto it for a while and see If you still feel strongly enough to send it. If you do decide to send a letter to the hotel I would send it, anonymously, to the manager, include the words sexual harassment, and ask the manager to pass it onto the comedian. That way both the hotel and comedian have been told that what he did was sexual harassment.

I hope this thread gives you some confidence that you are not responsible for the shitty behaviour of men and you did not overreact. I also hope your colleagues in your current place of work aren't misogynistic arseholes either.

Roofofdoom · 14/02/2025 07:33

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 14/02/2025 05:29

I don’t think you can report it. Doesn’t sound illegal just not nice and what would a hotel do about something from 6 years ago.

Doesn’t matter if it’s illegal. She can still complain. To the hotel. She can complain to the unfunny twat himself. She can right reviews.

Moonnstars · 14/02/2025 07:34

I think that although you are still understandably upset by this I don't think there is much you can do.
Writing a review might be pointless, as you don't know whether his act still uses this 'humour'. I think people's acceptance of things like this has changed and he might have had to change as people don't find this stuff funny (think how popular Little Britain was years ago, but now people would find it offensive). There is also the argument that what he did was similar to how bald headed men are often picked out, or at pantos men near the front are chosen by the Dame and they make jokes about their appearance and sexuality.
It definitely doesn't appropriate for a work event though and that is when you perhaps should have spoken to HR about using that venue again.

Justanotherperson2025 · 14/02/2025 07:35

FOJN · 14/02/2025 07:32

45% of people who responded to the poll think you are being unreasonable to be upset by sexual harassment. Sigh

I would leave a review and I would include the words sexual harassment. You could mention it was a few years ago and say you hope he's brought his act into the 21st century now. Sometimes a bit of pas ag is appropriate.

You could write a letter about how you feel and then hold onto it for a while and see If you still feel strongly enough to send it. If you do decide to send a letter to the hotel I would send it, anonymously, to the manager, include the words sexual harassment, and ask the manager to pass it onto the comedian. That way both the hotel and comedian have been told that what he did was sexual harassment.

I hope this thread gives you some confidence that you are not responsible for the shitty behaviour of men and you did not overreact. I also hope your colleagues in your current place of work aren't misogynistic arseholes either.

No. She asked if it was too late to do anything. It is. That's what "being unreasonable" means in this context. No sigh required.

And again, if she does this she can be sued for defamation and libel. Unless she has proof.

That's just a fact and this is dangerous advice.

NeedToChangeName · 14/02/2025 07:36

That's terrible

Well done walking out. That was brave and some people in the audience would take note

I'd leave a negative review online that he was misogynistic, sleazy and unacceptable years ago and you're surprised the venue still hosts him. Hit the venue where it hurts aka in their pocket. If one person chooses not to see the show due to your review, that's a win for you