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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blanked him after he cancelled our date, AIBU?

187 replies

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 16:35

New relationship of 6 months.

He can be a bit flaky. I try to be understanding when he's stressed with work / family matters but after him cancelling on me at short notice this morning I'm left feeling sad and unappreciated again (because it isn't the first time, he has form for it)

We won't be able to see one another next week so planned to go for a 'valentines day breakfast' this morning, as we generally can't do Fridays and weekends (children/work) and won't see each other for the next 10 days.

He text me at 7am saying

"I feel like shit today. I just want to get DC into school and get back home to relax before work. How about you take (friend) for breakfast and i'll see you tomorrow if you can do that. Sorry to cancel"

He isn't ill, that isn't what he means. He means he's tired or can't be arsed.

It upset me. I'd made an effort and was excited to see him. He knows Fridays aren't realistic.

I replied "oh thanks a bunch, it's very short notice"

Sorry, he says.

I spent the day feeling sad and unappreciated.

He text me later on saying he'd look out for me on my way home from work.

Well when I did see him and he started to walk over to me I just carried on walking, I know he clocked me and will probably think I've been really rude.

How would you have handled this situation?

There is a pattern of me putting in more effort and energy than he does and I'm just tired of it.

No idea when I'll hear from him again and not sure I want to now.

Am I unreasonable and petty or is this perfectly reasonable after being messed around?

OP posts:
Newgirls · 13/02/2025 16:37

Does sound all a bit rubbish. Is there no way you could meet on valentines? Maybe he’s sad about that as he seems to be angling for it?

Shoxfordian · 13/02/2025 16:38

Just dump him, 6 months is long enough to know it's not working

Dror · 13/02/2025 16:39

You're not going to see him for ten days and he openly can't be bothered to see you.
Believe him.
Match his energy and discard him.

TomatoSandwiches · 13/02/2025 16:40

He's not bothered is he so don't bother with him anymore and end it.

2Rebecca · 13/02/2025 16:41

It's not working. He doesn't have time for a girlfriend

MzHz · 13/02/2025 16:43

he is not into you, he cba, you deserve someone who at 6m in is counting the minutes until they see you again

JMSA · 13/02/2025 16:44

Oh, I don't blame you at all. YANBU Flowers

JMSA · 13/02/2025 16:45

And a low energy bloke is so unattractive and unmanly.

Cardinalita90 · 13/02/2025 16:45

Bin him off. You've said it's not the first time and it won't be the last. He hadn't even bothered to try and cushion the blow by making up a half decent excuse! Go and find someone who values you and wants to see you.

Lavender14 · 13/02/2025 16:46

I fully appreciate that single parenting and managing house and life admin and work is a lot and can be overwhelming and exhausting. But it means he's either not that bothered, or he's got an issue with overcommitting himself and then not being able to follow through. I do have some sympathy because I used to be bad for it as well- genuinely wanting to see people and not wanting to let anyone down but having to cancel because actually I was near burnout a lot of the time. I've since learnt that it's better to be more realistic with what you can and can't do and letting someone down is worse than saying you can't see them for a while.

So I think your choice is either throw him back and end things which would be fair. Or you be really honest with him that the short notice drop outs are not on and that he needs to manage his time and his commitments better because you're not going to be treated that way and he needs to keep his word. Then he either steps up or the bails continue and you end it.

It depends on how much you like him and how genuine he seems to be. But I will say that at 6 months it should still be fun and exciting and it should always make you feel good about yourself.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/02/2025 16:47

Get rid. Waste of your time.

Original poster
Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 16:48

I wouldn't be able to see him tomorrow without taking the afternoon off work (self employed) and I'm not prepared to make that sacrifice given how blasé he was about today, and he never goes out of his way himself.

He's definitely into me, atleast to some degree, but I'm definitely not a priority as it's always on his terms.

My mistake was making him one 😔

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 13/02/2025 16:49

He has form for cancelling at short notice because he is tired or can't be bothered?

Six months in having a friend or partner who would rather sit on the couch at home than see me because he can't be bothered is not a partner or friend I would want to spend much more of my time on.

I wouldn't have blanked him but I don't blame you for doing it. If you are angry with someone it's best to get some space and perspective than have a row in public - and dumping someone in the street leading to a dramatic scene out of Corrie would be the worst.

Treesinthewind · 13/02/2025 16:50

Oh God I hate it when men do this. It's an instant ick for me now!

Gettingslimmer · 13/02/2025 16:52

I think he behaved badly he’s not making an effort and can’t be bothered, that’s never nice to experience, but I think it was immature and petty to ignore him. Instead of having a grown up conversation. You both need to end it, it clearly doesn’t work.

ERthree · 13/02/2025 16:52

He is showing you how a future with him would be so either put up with it or end it. It really is that simple. Act like an adult and tell him it is over and be truthful about why if he asks.

Newgirls · 13/02/2025 16:56

Could you both not do Friday night? I do wonder if he’s a bit lacklustre because it seems like you are too busy too? No idea only you know. I wouldn’t think breakfast on a Thursday morning very romantic. Whatever the reason it seems a mismatch

FOJN · 13/02/2025 16:56

YANBU to be upset by his behaviour but YABU to ignore him as a way of signalling your annoyance.

He can't be arsed to make the effort so you need to just tell him this isn't working for you and you don't want to see him again.

Hoping he will get the message by ignoring him is a bit childish and not taking responsibility for yourself.

You can't change him but you don't have to put up with being treated like this. Calmly tell him it's over, mean it and move on.

CarpetKnees · 13/02/2025 16:57

He text me later on saying he'd look out for me on my way home from work.
Well when I did see him and he started to walk over to me I just carried on walking, I know he clocked me and will probably think I've been really rude.

This ^ does sound really childish, and it makes you somewhat unreasonable.

But I would be really angry at him cancelling regularly, when there wasn't an actual emergency.
YANBU to be angry with him and give some real consideration as to if this is the way you want to be treated the rest of your life.

I dumped someone once because he was constantly late. I certainly wouldn't put up with someone cancelling because they 'couldn't be bothered' on a regular basis, when we'd made an arrangement to meet up.

2Rebecca · 13/02/2025 16:57

I'm not sure I would ever feel like a "valentine's breakfast" though but knowing that am highly unlikely to ever arrange one.

Olika · 13/02/2025 16:58

If he was really into you he would have made it happen this morning. I couldn't be bothered with him, cannot stand flaky people.

User7288339 · 13/02/2025 16:59

Yeah I'd find that negativity and low effort/energy and general attitude quite a turn off, I don't blame you for feeling unappreciated

Zingy123 · 13/02/2025 17:00

You sound like a 5 year old. It's clearly not working out.

Moonnstars · 13/02/2025 17:01

Neither of you seem particularly fussed. He couldn't meet today, you then childishly blank him when he does walk over your way.

Don't think this is going anywhere so call it a day

TomatoSandwiches · 13/02/2025 17:01

He's into you when you are there with him but he doesn't want to put in effort to get you there, he wants you to do the work, you aren't a priority, put yourself first and get rid of him.