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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think poorly of the OW in this situation?

287 replies

Itsnotpink · 12/02/2025 21:51

3 years ago my children’s dad left after having an affair with another women. They were working away on a job together. The women knew full well he had two young children. One in nursery and one in primary. For months they snuck around acting like love sick teenagers. Going out to dinner, renting holiday homes. All the time ex partner was calling home and lying to me and the kids FaceTiming us. Constantly telling us how busy he was and how stressful work was:

They continue to see each other but live in different countries. Time with our kids is limited with their dad as it is but he seems to find time to holiday and see this women. He will go months without seeing our children.

I still feel raged occasionally about it. I had children with someone who is totally checked out of every physical and mental aspect or parenting. Unless it suits him occasionally. But somehow this women and him think he is a fantastic dad because he pays maintenance?! do women really find guys like this a catch. I sadly had no one to gage him against. But this women knows he is a cheat, a liar and puts himself before his kids. It’s a total mystery to me!!!

OP posts:
ChangingHistory · 12/02/2025 21:53

This must be true of all OW. They know he is a liar and a cheat but think he's a catch. Illogical.

RubyRedBow · 12/02/2025 21:53

Some women are so desperate that they can only see that a man wants them and are blind to the rest of it.

Changeandchanges · 12/02/2025 21:56

He and his OW might think he is fantastic but I can assure you an awful lot of people see him , and her, for what they are OP.
At some point she will be on the receiving end of his lying and cheating and she will think differently about him then .

TY78910 · 12/02/2025 21:56

I find it amusing that these women almost always call themselves a 'girls girl'. On the surface they're all about women supporting women, girl power, women at work initiatives 💪🏼

Yet here they are, homewrecking.

aei22 · 12/02/2025 21:57

He’s probably fed her quite a lot of bullshit. Is she younger and naive?

JudgeBread · 12/02/2025 21:57

They're just thick and desperate, and either arrogant enough or delusional enough to believe they're somehow so special that he won't cheat on them too.

At least they deserve eachother, the Loser and the Tramp 🤷‍♀️

UlceratedPapacy · 12/02/2025 21:58

I know someone who had sex with a married man in his living room while his kids were in bed and wife at work yet still claims she did nothing wrong because "I didn't make the vows." So yeah... the logic with people like this is just bizarre.

BlondiePortz · 12/02/2025 22:00

I presume they are desperate for attention and some people need to compete even if the other women (original one i mean) is not playing the game

Some women feel they have won if they 'catch' a man like 'he is mine now' sure i don't get it

But the man cheated in this case not the OW

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 22:01

All couples create their own narrative their story of us. Naturally they’ll believe they’re good match etc and that previous partners didn’t get them. Realistically they won’t think of you, other than you’re the unsavoury harpie ex who does not get his greatness. She’ll buy into this. Love compelled them together, against the odds and all that

BreezyScroller · 12/02/2025 22:04

If it's been 3 years, they seem quite committed to each other.

What is a mystery is why this thread is about the OW really? You don't know each other, she doesn't owe you anything. It's not great, but surely your issue should be 95% with your ex!

Why making it all about the woman?

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 22:10

There is a false narrative that the OW is a temptress,she stole a mn etc. Men (&women) can’t be stolen they go freely, because they want to. As uncomfortable as it historically partners leave because they want to, they’re not spirited away

Original poster
Itsnotpink · 12/02/2025 22:12

Absolutely not making it all about the other women. Ex is a total scumbag. But just not understanding why a women would still willingly consider involving herself with a guy knowing he had two small children at home. I would never ever sleep around with a man knowing he had a knackered wife with tiny kids! I’d be repulsed by a guy.

i am not sure about the committed comment. They do not live together. Hardly see each other as different continents. She’s met our kids twice? Not sure I’d call that a very serious relationship?!

This women is in her later 20s. Ex is late 30s

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 12/02/2025 22:15

Sounds like they deserve each other. Most likely one of them will cheat again once the shine of the "forbidden" relationship wears off, people like that don't really change.

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 22:15

Itsnotpink · 12/02/2025 22:12

Absolutely not making it all about the other women. Ex is a total scumbag. But just not understanding why a women would still willingly consider involving herself with a guy knowing he had two small children at home. I would never ever sleep around with a man knowing he had a knackered wife with tiny kids! I’d be repulsed by a guy.

i am not sure about the committed comment. They do not live together. Hardly see each other as different continents. She’s met our kids twice? Not sure I’d call that a very serious relationship?!

This women is in her later 20s. Ex is late 30s

Edited

She will rationalise and justify the relationship and her own behaviour, unlikely she’s in turmoil about how they met and what went on. She’ll have a one sided account of you from him, that’ll not be complimentary.

KarlaKK · 12/02/2025 22:16

UlceratedPapacy · 12/02/2025 21:58

I know someone who had sex with a married man in his living room while his kids were in bed and wife at work yet still claims she did nothing wrong because "I didn't make the vows." So yeah... the logic with people like this is just bizarre.

I completely agree. So often on these threads people pipe up the husband is solely and completely to blame as he made the vows to his wife, not the OW, but there is something called common decency to other human beings so the OW is to blame too, in my opinion. To flirt then start seeing a man that you know has a wife and especially children is utterly despicable and yes, they are culpable too. There's not need to try and apportion the blame as in 50/50. They're both to blame.

ErinAoife · 12/02/2025 22:17

My ex is the same. He is prioritising himself instead of his kids. He told me that he will do what suits him regarding the holiday and won't comply with our divorce agreement because he doesn't want to take the kids for more than 7 days in a row. He hasn't brought the kids in a proper holiday since covid but he has no issue going abroad with his girlfriend!!!

chocmalt · 12/02/2025 22:17

The short answer is that there's something wrong with these women, just as there's something wrong with the men who cheat. They are lacking in morals, self-respect, intelligence, or something else that helps normal, decent people make better choices. They're failing at life.

BreezyScroller · 12/02/2025 22:20

KarlaKK · 12/02/2025 22:16

I completely agree. So often on these threads people pipe up the husband is solely and completely to blame as he made the vows to his wife, not the OW, but there is something called common decency to other human beings so the OW is to blame too, in my opinion. To flirt then start seeing a man that you know has a wife and especially children is utterly despicable and yes, they are culpable too. There's not need to try and apportion the blame as in 50/50. They're both to blame.

Show quote history

Except that why should anyone care about a complete stranger?
It's so hypocritical. Most people don't, when it suits them.

The only one who lied and cheated is the husband.

It's fascinating that the OW always get the blame. Jealousy? Bitterness? Is that the reason?

When it's the wife who cheats, and that happens just as much, you don't hear much blame against her male lover.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 12/02/2025 22:20

Why are you wasting energy and thoughts on the other woman?

She's probably definitely not wasting any on you.

Move on. It's been three years.

StormingNorman · 12/02/2025 22:20

OW and second wives often think their partner is a king among men for doing the bare minimum…and often begrudge him doing more than legally required in time or money. The exes are always greedy and demanding.

Yay for women building up women!

BreezyScroller · 12/02/2025 22:21

chocmalt · 12/02/2025 22:17

The short answer is that there's something wrong with these women, just as there's something wrong with the men who cheat. They are lacking in morals, self-respect, intelligence, or something else that helps normal, decent people make better choices. They're failing at life.

I think you'll find that "these women" are just normal women, not a different species 😂

Our most famous one at the moment is Queen of England. Now that's a different league than the rest of us😂

FancyTurtles · 12/02/2025 22:22

I work with someone like this, his family and kids are at home and he has an affair at work with someone also married. We all hate it, he never takes time off or does any of the school run etc, I feel so sorry for his wife being married to such a person even though he comes across as a great guy, nice looking, well groomed, friendly (although I don't think genuinely) i don't understand the relationship between the couple, they don't seem that happy, don't have any friends at work, get jealous and possessive if they talk to anyone else very much. Personally I think you must really dislike yourself to treat everyone around you so badly, I don't have any sympathy but I think people with issues like sabotage and people with issues a lot of the time. I'm sorry OP but you're better off

CountFucula · 12/02/2025 22:22

Friend at work is with a guy that has a 2 year old and a 7 year old. They’ve been together 18 months. So he left a very new baby. She says the mother is a ‘psycho’ and ‘just wants maintenance’. My friend at work is a usually lovely and sane person but has this huge blind spot as to how cliche and useful it is that his ex that he abandoned happens to be “a psycho”. I judge her lack of insight hard …and him harder.

Toooldtorave · 12/02/2025 22:23

I’ve watched guys like this at work - chatting up the newbies that don’t know their history of shagging their way around the office. It’s uncomfortable to watch, especially when they then bring their wives to company functions. The OW are usually lacking self confidence and overwhelmed by the attention. They shouldn’t fall for it, but they do. And the men can be convincing. But most of us with morals realise that the men like this are not talking honestly.

And in your case OW should surely realise he’s not a catch if his relationship with the kids is sparse. Try and not let it bother you - live you life happily and peacefully.

SecondMrsTanqueray · 12/02/2025 22:24

He willingly undoubtedly given her a backstory which made him look better than he is and justified his actions.

If you’re going to be bitter, direct it at him. Better still, move on. Your kids deserve this.