To think poorly of the OW in this situation?

[Itsnotpink]

3 years ago my children’s dad left after having an affair with another women. They were working away on a job together. The women knew full well he had two young children. One in nursery and one in primary. For months they snuck around acting like love sick teenagers. Going out to dinner, renting holiday homes. All the time ex partner was calling home and lying to me and the kids FaceTiming us. Constantly telling us how busy he was and how stressful work was:

They continue to see each other but live in different countries. Time with our kids is limited with their dad as it is but he seems to find time to holiday and see this women. He will go months without seeing our children.

I still feel raged occasionally about it. I had children with someone who is totally checked out of every physical and mental aspect or parenting. Unless it suits him occasionally. But somehow this women and him think he is a fantastic dad because he pays maintenance?! do women really find guys like this a catch. I sadly had no one to gage him against. But this women knows he is a cheat, a liar and puts himself before his kids. It’s a total mystery to me!!!

Maestoso
The cheating partner is 100% reponsible for his actions. Women blaming the other woman is such a gift to men. And then the name calling that goes with it, as if women don't get enough of that from men. We play straight in to their hands.

I blame both of them. Women aren't exempt from being held accountable for their actions.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had better words for you. I can only say this is a process and if you allow yourself to feel it when you aren't supporting others, it will fade

'The cheating partner is 100% reponsible for his actions. Women blaming the other woman is such a gift to men. And then the name calling that goes with it, as if women don't get enough of that from men. We play straight in to their hands.'

Arguably having sex with a married man plays into men's hands more... no?!?

In the 70s my Dad had an affair when I was a couple of years old. My Mum threw him out, they divorced and he married the OW. The OW didn't like my Dad seeing me so he used to see me maybe 3 times a year - maybe one of those times a year the OW was present. I remember as a little girl being very clear that this woman not only disliked me but all children. So, in my dad's case being a disengaged dad was definitely a plus point for his new wife.

Exactly, both parties in that scenario are fully responsible for their own, skanky actions. The OW is not responsible for the decision of the husband to cheat. The thing she is responsible for is still bad.

I’d be very tempted to tell her she’d likely be a bit psycho too if her husband had left herfor another woman while she had a young g baby.

Yes the cheating husband(or wife) is 100% responsible for their actions. But so is the OW 100 responsible for her own sordid and skanky actions.

Respect to you @August2024. Wishing you all the future happiness possible. 💪

Nearly two years on we are extremely happy and planning our life together.
@Endoftheroad12345 genuine question but if you both have young children, both have jobs and live thousands of miles away - surely living together isn’t on the card for many many years?

Given that they both lack morals and live a long way from each other, I’d be pretty confident that at least one of them is cheating on the other, if not already then soon.

i can’t see how any woman in her late-20s is going to be satisfied long-term with the occasional visit from her older boyfriend.

Unfortunately life is not as black and white and many on this thread would believe. I don't think people are good or bad and name-calling is unhelpful.

I know of a couple where the DW treated her DH very badly. She was an alcoholic and an icompetent mother. The DH had an affair, but didn't divorce his wife for several years as he wanted to try and keep the family together even though he no longer had any feelings or respect for his vile DW. In the end the situation became impossible and he divorced his DW and moved in with the OW. He took the DC with him and was given full custody by the courts as DW was incapable of looking after them.

It is wrong to assume that DW is always in the right, and DH and OW are always bad. With hindsight, maybe he should have divorced her sooner, before getting together with OW, but life just isn't that simple. He was in a bad situation and found support in the OW, he was vulnerable and she was sympathetic. They have been together ever since and she has brought up his children as her own. I can't condemm her for that.

It was difficult to get to this position but I did it for one person - me. Not the kids (though that was one of the aims). I did it because I didn’t want to spend the rest of life having pockets of time feeling bitter and full of angst. The aim was getting to the ‘meh’ feeling. And actually I just see now that we most definitely were not meant to be together forever, and I’m living a better life now.

He was a shit back then but he isn’t now. But it was hurtful at the time and I really did think I was having a nervous breakdown.

I hope OP is managing. It’s such a long road to travel and it feels never ending.