Page 9 | To say that living alone is better than sharing a home with anyone?

MintZebra · 2025-02-11T17:57:36+00:00

Even the best relationships or friendships don’t compare to the peace of living by yourself. AIBU to think solo living is the ultimate goal?

ThisFluentBiscuit · 14/02/2025 04:35

oldmanandtheangel · 13/02/2025 23:09

Just me and DCat in a dinky wee cottage with great views (no garden though).
Bliss.
It had taken me 52 yrs to get to this, and never having lived alone. And 14 years of DV relationships. Still pinching myself

Your situation is very similar to mine, except I haven't quite got my own place yet. But it's coming.

Due to many years of abuse, I can't see myself ever risking my hard-won peace again.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 14/02/2025 04:43

BatchCookBabe · 11/02/2025 23:05

This. ^ It's OK to be alone short term, but shit long-term. I guess it's OK if you have had a shit relationship for some years, and a relief to be alone for a bit. But I don't believe the vast majority of people want to spend their entire life living alone. I find it rather odd actually. JMO.

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Odd? Partly, it depends on your age. There are plenty of older divorced women who never remarry or live with anyone again. I'm divorced and over 50. My ideal is to have a partner but separate living arrangements. The you get to stay with someone a few times a week but keep your own space and independence. Best of both worlds!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 14/02/2025 04:48

There are pros and cons to everything, and living alone suits some people, whereas others hate it. It's not a competition and no way is right or wrong.

Although I like living alone, for me, a down side is not having my husband to watch TV with. We used to enjoy watching shows or sports and discussing them. It's also nice to have someone to talk to when you wake up sometimes. I do occasionally worry about what will happen if I'm ill, but that's not a good enough reason to live with someone.

username93678 · 14/02/2025 07:13

Gogogo12345 · 14/02/2025 03:17

Hmm I live alone but also have a long term partner ( who lives 2 mins walk away) if someone is ill then the other will help. We both cook and share meals. My bills are much less than his so I'm better off not paying half of those. We can share time together - and do . It's not necessary to live in same house to do that

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Obviously I'm not speaking for everyone on earth.

TwistedWonder · 14/02/2025 08:28

ThisFluentBiscuit · 14/02/2025 04:43

Odd? Partly, it depends on your age. There are plenty of older divorced women who never remarry or live with anyone again. I'm divorced and over 50. My ideal is to have a partner but separate living arrangements. The you get to stay with someone a few times a week but keep your own space and independence. Best of both worlds!

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Absolutely. I’m over 50 and have a lot of divorced friends my age and not a single one ever wants to cohabit again. Even the few with new partners want to keep separate homes.

I think when you’ve done the wife and mum years then had a few years of your own space, it’s not something you want to give up

Finallybackinbootcuts · 14/02/2025 08:58

It’s certainly nice to have company but I like having my own space more.

DancingLions · 14/02/2025 09:04

I have adult DS at home at the moment. It feels like the best of both worlds. Someone to chat to when I want, he can give me a hand with something I might struggle with alone. But we don't live in each others pockets. DD will probably be coming back for a bit too, again fine.

I wouldn't ever want to live with a partner again, been there done that! I also would never live with a friend. There is no one I like enough to have them in my space full time!

So yes, I agree on the point re being alone rather than sharing with a friend/partner. But I enjoy my adult DC being here.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 15/02/2025 16:58

JHound · 13/02/2025 11:43

Married women definitely do this. Married people generally.

Every time they badger and pester their single friends about needing to find somebody!

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Yep. I think that the women who do it want validation of their own life choices.

BigFatLiar · 15/02/2025 19:07

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 15/02/2025 16:58

Yep. I think that the women who do it want validation of their own life choices.

Edited

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Are you talking about the ones who say living alone is best or the ones saying loving with a partner is?
Both can be seen as pushing their own views when really it's a completely personal opinion.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 16/02/2025 00:12

I always say how much I love living alone, but the people I've lived with have often been really demanding and difficult. People who live messily and do the minimum housework, people who had certain expectations of me and got very annoyed when I refused to dance to their tune, people who frequently lost their rag over nothing. Demanding, high-maintenance, lazy people, in other words. (A mix of family, flatmates, and exH.)

If I had someone emotionally stable and accepting to live with, who pulled their weight domestically, perhaps I would like living with them better than living alone.

Maybe whether you prefer to live alone or with others is shaped to a large degree by your life experiences. I can imagine that people in happy marriages from happy homes wouldn't see the point in living alone.

HiptotheHopp · 16/02/2025 00:17

aCatCalledFawkes · 11/02/2025 18:14

I love living by myself with my two children and two cats. When I have had boyfriends in the past and they have stayed over it’s been ok in the evening but come morning I just want the house back to myself. I’m dying for them to leave again and practically throw them out 🙈🙈🙈

You don't live alone.

SexAndCakes · 16/02/2025 12:23

Meadowfinch · 12/02/2025 02:57

I would have agreed with you, up until I had my DS.

I hated sharing a flat, the petty squabbles and endless mess of my flat mates. I loved my single girl life in my own flat. The peace of a Sunday evening reading a book, listening to music, a glass of wine.

The two times I've lived with a man, I was stunned at how selfish and entitled they were. Maybe I chose very poor specimens . 🙄

But for the last 16 years I have lived with my DS. He has been a source of endless love, warmth, humour and interest. I've loved every minute of it. I've done my best to ensure he isn't selfish or entitled so he can have a happy future relationship. I will miss him hugely when he leaves.

I have no idea how I will fill that gap. My challenge for the next decade !

This is lovely @Meadowfinch

I am between camps on this thread. I have lived alone for about nine years now after sharing with friends and one long-term boyfriend, all of them truly lovely people. However, I grew up in a very argumentative household and I think that - coupled with my quieter personality - means that I really revel in having a peaceful home of my own. I think it's the quality of the company that counts and would happily live with a partner again but until then, love living in my own little home.

Those pp who are arguing vehemently about how awful it really is for women to live alone are coming across as having something to prove to themselves. Living alone has its pros and cons just like any pother setup, but the pros are certainly many and varied. And when it comes to having more responsibility - well, sure, but having to take on things that you didn't know you could do often makes you feel stronger. I now own a power drill and get rid of massive spiders without batting an eyelid - who knew?!

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 16/02/2025 14:02

BatchCookBabe · 13/02/2025 22:19

I know. But what grinds my gears is how some 'singletons' seem to crow and parp on about how being alone/single is sooooooooo much better than being with someone, and act sooooooooo superior, like their 'choice' is the better one, like they are more clever, like they have made the better life choice!

There is an air of smugness and superiority in every thread like this from (some) people who are 'proud singles.' Like it's 'empowering' and like they're 'better people,' and 'more independent.' Someone started a thread the other day saying single people are braver than people in relationships. Well, duh, not really, you're just single (and in some cases, probably not by choice.)

I see the same smugness and air of superiority in some (not all) child free by choice women. And I think the same about the boastful singletons as I do about the childfree (who act all superior.....) That they're protesting too much. If you have to keep on about it, (and start threads about it.) who are you trying to convince?

I'm out now. Said all I need to.

One last thing @GameOfJones I agree 100% with your post at 21.58!

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It's a bit strange that you're so het up about this. Why on earth would you take any of this so personally?

Has it not occurred to you that women enjoying living on their own and openly asserting it are simply pushing back on the still prevailing and denigrating view of women living on their own - which is, they haven't been "chosen" by an arbiter of female worth (a man), so they are objects of derision and/or pity and/or contempt.

Witness the "single cat lady" nonsense in the US at the moment.

Women who live alone by choice and women who come to love it are understandably annoyed by such minatory characterization and are refuting it vigorously. And good on them!

It also helps other women break free from the terrible conditioning that women get, ie that they don't exist if they don't have a man.

Gettingslimmer · 16/02/2025 16:25

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 16/02/2025 14:02

It's a bit strange that you're so het up about this. Why on earth would you take any of this so personally?

Has it not occurred to you that women enjoying living on their own and openly asserting it are simply pushing back on the still prevailing and denigrating view of women living on their own - which is, they haven't been "chosen" by an arbiter of female worth (a man), so they are objects of derision and/or pity and/or contempt.

Witness the "single cat lady" nonsense in the US at the moment.

Women who live alone by choice and women who come to love it are understandably annoyed by such minatory characterization and are refuting it vigorously. And good on them!

It also helps other women break free from the terrible conditioning that women get, ie that they don't exist if they don't have a man.

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You’d not think it was 2025. Chosen by a man? You do realise lesbian women exist and live together, married or co habiting.

and honestly my experience is most people who live alone do not do that long term through choice, unless some trauma behind it, most would chose a happy relationship. Living alone is preferable to a shit relationship. But I’m yet to be convinced the majority of men or women living alone are doing so through choice. A small minority yes, but not most. Let’s not kid ourselves.

Gogogo12345 · 16/02/2025 16:45

Gettingslimmer · 16/02/2025 16:25

You’d not think it was 2025. Chosen by a man? You do realise lesbian women exist and live together, married or co habiting.

and honestly my experience is most people who live alone do not do that long term through choice, unless some trauma behind it, most would chose a happy relationship. Living alone is preferable to a shit relationship. But I’m yet to be convinced the majority of men or women living alone are doing so through choice. A small minority yes, but not most. Let’s not kid ourselves.

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You can live alone and still have a committed relationship though. Just because you live alone doesn't necessarily mean that you are single

ThisFluentBiscuit · 16/02/2025 17:09

@Gettingslimmer "But I’m yet to be convinced the majority of men or women living alone are doing so through choice. A small minority yes, but not most. Let’s not kid ourselves."

I mean, obviously you can believe what you want, but that doesn't change the fact that there are many, MANY women who love living alone and really value the peace and freedom. I don't think it's a small minority of those who live alone that love it.

iamnotalemon · 16/02/2025 17:19

Turning the tables on those who are in relationships and live together - not all are in harmonious living arrangements and some are only in the relationship because they can't afford to live alone, or are too scared to.

Yet those who live alone (or god forbid also have no children) are the issues because we 'don't shut up about it' and our choices.

iamnotalemon · 16/02/2025 17:20

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta

Well said and I love your username.

EmpressaurusKitty · 16/02/2025 17:29

ThisFluentBiscuit · 16/02/2025 17:09

@Gettingslimmer "But I’m yet to be convinced the majority of men or women living alone are doing so through choice. A small minority yes, but not most. Let’s not kid ourselves."

I mean, obviously you can believe what you want, but that doesn't change the fact that there are many, MANY women who love living alone and really value the peace and freedom. I don't think it's a small minority of those who live alone that love it.

This.

I still have a shudder of joy sometimes at the thought that it’s just me & the cat living here, & we have it all to ourselves.

Bloom15 · 16/02/2025 18:46

I have never lived alone and wouldn't like to if I am honest. I get bored easily

Kitchensinktoday · 16/02/2025 19:00

I lived alone briefly, in my 20s, and hated it. I have done house shares before, and they were tricky, but living with a partner is lovely. When I am elderly, if DH dies before me, I would prefer some sort of retirement complex etc, so that I’m not completely alone.