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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not run my 18 year old dd everywhere on her days off

196 replies

blackheartsgirl · 11/02/2025 13:43

Dd doesn’t drive and refuses to catch the bus because she doesn’t like it and has told me it’s too much faff and it’s cold.

town is 1 mile away and there are regular buses. She wants to go to town to get her nails done and to buy vape liquid. She also wants me to walk round town with her because she doesn’t want to go by herself as she’ll get bored ffs and she wants a lift back.

I’ve got some health issues and I’m also off sick due to this. ( I do a heavy physical job) I hate town myself anyway.

i also run her boyfriend home, as he lives 5 miles away and no buses at night,

I am quite happy to take her to doctors appointments, and I take her to and from work every day, at 7 am and 5 pm. She does pay petrol and is learning to drive.

I also take dd3 14 to school, and run her about too.

no dh or any other support.

shes thinks I’m massively unreasonable, a bitch, I don’t care about her etc but I’m tired tbh and stressed. On Saturdays I spend my entire day in the car running about doing lifts for sporting activities for them both, sometimes travelling 30 to 40 miles away.

aibu to say no?

OP posts:
PaintDecisions · 11/02/2025 13:45

One mile? She can walk. And I'd withdraw lift privileges for the boyfriend if she carries on with the attitude.

SociopathicGorilla · 11/02/2025 13:45

Stop taking the boyfriend home. He will have to catch the last bus or have his parents pick him up.

ByHazelPeer · 11/02/2025 13:45

I had to get the bus because there was no other option. The problem is that you’re giving her the option.

DoYouFeelLikeAPlasticBag · 11/02/2025 13:45

Why can't she walk a mile?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 11/02/2025 13:46

She calls you a bitch? On that basis alone I'd be telling her to sod off and sort herself out...ungrateful little madam

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 13:47

Yanbu girl 😭 she's asking for too much! Especially since you're off sick!

The occasional lift or collecting in the dark kind of thing is alright but no, too much.

I was like this with my dm (estranged now) though, not asking for lifts, but asking her to come to town with me as I'd be lonely 😅🙈

xx

Omg edited to add, I'd be telling her to speak to me with respect or be prepared to find somewhere else to live. No need for calling your mum that, even if it's something girls do to eachother!

Coconutter24 · 11/02/2025 13:48

Why is it your responsibility to get her bf home? 1 mile to town…. She can walk surely it’ll only take around 20 mins. She’s coming across very entitled so if you don’t want to do something you need to start saying no. Probably do her good if she’s not able to walk alone round town without getting bored, learn some independence

FallenRaingel · 11/02/2025 13:49

Stop enabling an entitled adult.

DoloresODonovan · 11/02/2025 13:49

OP this is called : making a rod for your own back - 18 she can leave home
into a flatshare in town - sorted !

Olika · 11/02/2025 13:50

She can walk or take a bus. She can ask her friends to join her if she doesn't want to go to town alone.

Porcuporpoise · 11/02/2025 13:51

Stop being such a doormat. Seriously.

Meadowfinch · 11/02/2025 13:53

My ds (16) travels around on his own, by bus, on foot or cycles. He's taken to walking three miles home from the school bus, rather than wait for me.

Tell your daughter walking will do more for her figure and her health than any diet. YANBU

ForPlumReader · 11/02/2025 13:53

Can't believe she would even want this at 18. My parents stopped being a chauffeur at around 15. I was happy enough with that. By then I was more than capable of using my legs or public transport.

SociopathicGorilla · 11/02/2025 13:59

Ignore the insults from her. She has used you as a free taxi and wants that to continue. She’s being manipulative. She will accept it eventually. And if she doesn’t, withdraw other labour as well.

You're going to have to stop all the non essential lifts. Stop taking her back and forth to work. Tell your dd13 she’s getting the bus from now on. Stop taking the boyfriend home. Refuse to accompany her into town because she’ll be bored. You’re not her support animal.

You're not well. You need to rest. Your time isn’t hers to take or to offer to her boyfriend. Chauffeuring the bf around is interfering with your right to relax in the evenings. He makes his own way from now on.

Say no to all of it, and mean it. It will be uncomfortable for a while but they’ll have more respect for you when they see you reclaim your time.

BeaAndBen · 11/02/2025 14:03

I'd say to her what we said to ours - "oh sweetheart, of course I'll run you into town! Why didn't you tell me your legs fell off overnight, you must be distraught..."

Shanks' pony for a mile, OP. It's 20 minutes at most and at her age she need to make sure she's getting her steps in ;)

If she doesn't like taking the bus, she'd better wrap up warmly.

Discombobble · 11/02/2025 14:05

Two healthy young people can catch the bus - if she doesn’t like catching the bus she’ll have to walk or stay put. You are not a taxi service

Hdjdb42 · 11/02/2025 14:06

Honestly she's a grown woman and using you for lifts. How disrespectful, calling you a bitch?! Tell.her it ends now, and the same for her boyfriends lifts. He needs to.leave on time for the last bus home.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 11/02/2025 14:07

One mile, that's my walk into town and I do it at 62 and there's a bloody great hill to climb on the way back. She needs to start acting as an adult and that means doing things on your own, using effort and being resourceful! Stop enabling her behaviour,as a lift today will become far more tomorrow!

nightmarepickle2025 · 11/02/2025 14:07

It'll do her good to walk

discdiscsnap · 11/02/2025 14:08

I have a 25 year old and a 23 year old. From being about 14 they used public transport or walked. Too and from school, work when they got jobs, to meet friends. When they started going out they got taxis home.

They occasionally moaned but now they are both very capable independent Adults and appreciate their confidence in travelling. Some of their friends still expect their parents to ferry them around.

I'd stop lifts to work/social stuff. She treats you like crap anyway you might as well get more down time

soarklyknobs · 11/02/2025 14:09

It's a mile, it'll only take her 15 mins, tell her she needs to get her steps in and send her on her way.

FoxtonFoxton · 11/02/2025 14:09

A MILE?!!! Easily walked and she has a bus service 😂 she certainly wouldn't be getting any bloody lifts calling me a bitch either.

BringMeTea · 11/02/2025 14:09

Just stop. Right now.

TotallyAddictedToCoffee · 11/02/2025 14:11

@blackheartsgirl at her age she can catch the bus and stop taking the piss out of you!

My mum doesn't drive and my dad died when I was 11 so me and my brothers had to get about under our own steam, which meant busses, trains, taxis and learning to drive as soon as we possibly could

Sorry OP, but it's time to put your foot down and stop being walked all over

Good luck

DemonicCaveMaggot · 11/02/2025 14:12

I live a mile out of town and I walk in to do my shopping and carry it home again afterwards and I'm more than 40 years older than your DD and not that fit.

At her age I was cycling 8 miles to work, working on my feet all day at my Summer job, and cycling home again. If I had wanted to take the bus I would have had to pay for it and I can only imagine my mother's response if I had asked her to drive me.

YANBU at all, especially if you are in poor health right now. Give yourself a break.

(I think if I had called my mother a bitch she would have exploded, not figuratively, literally)

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