To not run my 18 year old dd everywhere on her days off

[blackheartsgirl]

Dd doesn’t drive and refuses to catch the bus because she doesn’t like it and has told me it’s too much faff and it’s cold.

town is 1 mile away and there are regular buses. She wants to go to town to get her nails done and to buy vape liquid. She also wants me to walk round town with her because she doesn’t want to go by herself as she’ll get bored ffs and she wants a lift back.

I’ve got some health issues and I’m also off sick due to this. ( I do a heavy physical job) I hate town myself anyway.

i also run her boyfriend home, as he lives 5 miles away and no buses at night,

I am quite happy to take her to doctors appointments, and I take her to and from work every day, at 7 am and 5 pm. She does pay petrol and is learning to drive.

I also take dd3 14 to school, and run her about too.

no dh or any other support.

shes thinks I’m massively unreasonable, a bitch, I don’t care about her etc but I’m tired tbh and stressed. On Saturdays I spend my entire day in the car running about doing lifts for sporting activities for them both, sometimes travelling 30 to 40 miles away.

aibu to say no?

She needs to walk the mile to town. I don't like getting the train to work but I have to. That's life.

And stop taking the boyfriend home. Last bus or his parents pick him up or he gets a cab, whatever.

If you committed to the sporting activities and there is no public transport then you need to stick with that.

Don't do a thing for anyone who calls you a bitch.
Her choices can have natural consequences.

Just stop OP your DD is being massively unreasonable

Put your foot down and tell her to get the bus or walk

God, at that age I used public transport and walked everywhere, was at uni and worked as a waitress, shop assistant on top etc.
I liked my own space and wouldn't have wanted to be like a little kid with my parents ferrying me around! She needs to stand on her own two feet.

I am surprised you have to ask. You should stop ferrying around your 14 year old too or you will end up in the same situation. I had a bus pass and was told to get on with it from about the age of 12. This included travelling to evening classes in the middle of Northern European winter. She thinks the weather is rubbish? She has no idea how most of the world lives.

Exactly, get her an umbrella and a large hooded coat, and tell her to grow up.

town is 1 mile away
Why the bloody hell isn't she walking? She could be there before a bus even turns up! I probably wouldn't even bother getting the bike out for such a short distance, let alone asking for a lift.

Why are you even engaging with this? The answer is no. No reasons, no explanations.

A mile?! Is that a typo?! Of course she can bloody walk!

Tell her to walk into town and loose the attitude on the way

She's an adult. She can walk or use public transport. If she chooses not to then she simply doesn't get to go where she planned to go 🤷🏻‍♀️

If anyone called me a b1tch, that would be the end of the lifts, full stop. What an ungrateful madam! Just awful!

OP yabvvvu to facilitate this lazy lifestyle for her. I had similar when I was a teenager and there was simply no question of me not getting the bus - it was a given. If I’d sworn at my parents, it would have been withdrawal of all favours, money, etc!

My little kids can walk a mile. Op, she is seeing you as a soft touch.

I'm also wondering why she doesn't just walk into town.

You can’t be serious Op!

Just stop all of it.

Id have been flipping embarrassed to be relying on my sick mum like this, she should be ashamed of herself.

Hell no.

Just say no. She has plenty of options, she can walk, bus, taxi. Remove yourself as an option.

For context it's perfectly normal for many eleven year olds to be catching trains without their parents around here. A 14 year old accompanied by their parents is one being punished for misbehaviour.

I ran 4 miles this morning and I'm 64. One mile SOUNDS like a long way but it really isn't and at 18 it won't take her long to walk. She's just being a madam because she thinks you will back down rather than upset her.

And op, it is an absolute height of disrespect to swear at your parents, let alone her sick Mum. Is it a sweary household, or is this completely out of character? I will not tolerate my dcs growing up to swear at anybody.

I never once swore at my parents, is this more common now?

YANBU. Get her and the boyfriend to pay for petrol when you go out, but don’t go out when you don’t want to. Then tell her/them to learn to drive.

My kids used to walk over a mile each way to school and back every day.

She calls you a bitch? She can just fuck right off.

Exactly. I would be mortified to be seen accompanied by my mum at 14.

my 12 year old walks further than that to school every day.