To not run my 18 year old dd everywhere on her days off

[blackheartsgirl]

Dd doesn’t drive and refuses to catch the bus because she doesn’t like it and has told me it’s too much faff and it’s cold.

town is 1 mile away and there are regular buses. She wants to go to town to get her nails done and to buy vape liquid. She also wants me to walk round town with her because she doesn’t want to go by herself as she’ll get bored ffs and she wants a lift back.

I’ve got some health issues and I’m also off sick due to this. ( I do a heavy physical job) I hate town myself anyway.

i also run her boyfriend home, as he lives 5 miles away and no buses at night,

I am quite happy to take her to doctors appointments, and I take her to and from work every day, at 7 am and 5 pm. She does pay petrol and is learning to drive.

I also take dd3 14 to school, and run her about too.

no dh or any other support.

shes thinks I’m massively unreasonable, a bitch, I don’t care about her etc but I’m tired tbh and stressed. On Saturdays I spend my entire day in the car running about doing lifts for sporting activities for them both, sometimes travelling 30 to 40 miles away.

aibu to say no?

A mile is nothing my DD was walking at least a mile-2 miles from about 2. She's being lazy 18 year's old she needs to put her big girl pants on and get the bus. If she's really that bothered about using buses then she should learn to drive. Why are you taking your 14 year old to school still?

@Technonan - great name lol -
a lovely kind post for the OP who will be reaching for the tissuesabout now

What do you think OP? Seriously.

Thank you so much for this lovely post. I know I probably deserve the crap I’m getting (so far quite mild for aibu 🤣) and yes I know I could do better.

oo I did for get to mention I have said no to picking her up from her boyfriend last Sunday.. I’d got comfy in pjs, was cooking tea and I got the call to go pick her up.. I said no, she then phoned my son to go, he lives even further away and he told her to get lost as well..either that or pay him 20 quid. She got a taxi.

so yes I am slowly kicking back, I just wanted other perspectives so thank you all

she needs to get on her bike! Sorry OP, it sounds like you have had a rough time and are doing your best. Sometimes it better for them in the long run for some tough love, at the moment you are enabling bratty behaviour.

Develop a life of your own and a backbone. Your adult daughter needs to start doing just that - adult.

"No I can't run you today, I have an appointment / my class / a friends meeting / PLANS.

Here's the bus timetable."

That would be the end of lifts anywhere if that was one of my DCs.

A mile? Just walk!!

If she has called you a bitch she shouldn't be living under your roof. She is an adult tell her to adult.

She called you a bitch, that’s so totally unacceptable, she’d be going nowhere without a sincere apology for speaking to her mother like that.
She obviously has no respect for you OP, I’d take a step back unless she really changes her attitude.

OP - this is going sideways I know but honestly, at 18, your daughter could/should consider the benefits of a boyfriend with a car?! - who drives of course! doting, kind hearted, willing, etc.

My 14 year old is more independent than your DD. You are only being unreasonable to have allowed this to go on for as long as you have.

I have clearly said my reasons for not taking dd14 to school in the morning's further up the thread..she has school issues and panics on the bus in the morning. genuinely. I am working with the school to overcome this but it takes time

i also clearly stated in my op dd is learning to drive

Yes I get many are more capable than my dd, but dd has had a lot of loss in her life and I think that it’s affected her mental health and she has had so many issues coping with her dads death

Of course not. Just put an opened bottle of whisky next to you, pour a large tumbler of apple juice and wait for her to ask. Down the AJ with a vigorous zeal, point to the whisky bottle and say
'No can do honeybunch'. While crossing your eyes. 🤣

Can’t she cycle ? It’s a mile. She could walk or spend literally five minutes on a bus.
start putting your foot down - and if she called me a bitch I wouldn’t be taking her or BF anywhere in my car. That is outrageous

This 100% legitimate. My daughter had huge anxiety and your daughter is still only young and has been through a lot. Nothing wrong with looking after her like this!

I like that idea 😂

Thank you. She has come a long way in the last few years. This time last year she wouldn’t set foot outside the door unless I was with her

There is no way at all I’d be giving any lift whatsoever to someone who called me a bitch.

That's really hard and I get it. My daughter struggled so much that she didn't go to school for almost 3 years. She's obviously doing a great job now but stuff like this doesn't get better overnight and your support will be what she needs x

It wasn’t about beans was it. It was about controlling you and having her waste your time.Your daughter is being a bully.

Where do you live that there’s no buses at 7 am? Have you independently checked that this is true? Is there some buses part of the way?

Your dd13 anxiety about the bus needs dealing with by a professional. The school aren’t going to be able to deal with that. Otherwise you’ll be driving her to work as well. Can she get a taxi some days, or arrange to get the bus with a friend?

Where do you live that there’s no buses at 7 am?

Loads of places! Where I live, there is one bus which comes once a week. We're not even remote.

My kids were biking a mile at 6yrs old to get to school.

And I was an 8am start!

Wow people on here are super mean to OP. Especially with regards to her 14 year old.