to be a bit nervous about Dh coming home..

[EruvandeAini]

... because he's always disappointed in what I've got done? I'm always mentally rehearsing how I can 'play up' what I've done.

He'll nod, and then a few minutes later he'll ask what else I've done. And he'll just make me feel that he's so disappointed. He's at work all day, I'm at home with the kids, blah de blah.

And to his credit, he does do stuff in the house, when he's got exasperated with the fact that I haven't done it.

Today, I've done a couple of washing and managed to get them on the line to dry. I've washed up, cleaned surfaces and cleaned the kitchen floor, and tidied the front room ready for him to vacuum (I can't push the vacuum round myself) Plus looked after four children under 7.

But I just know it's not going to be good enough, and I'm feeling really crappy about that today.

I hope she comes back--I really like SueB.

Sue you have responded to one of my religious questions and I respect you very much. You're supportive and funny and generous. I hope you're still reading.

My dh says he hopes I don't gossip about him and he wouldn't really like it. I don't think that's unusual. But it doesn't mean it's "unacceptable". I think most men don't have any idea at all what women talk about in private and would be if they did. It doesn't mean we shouldn't. It just oils the wheels of life. Honouring your husband still allows you to have a bit of a moan. And it doesn't sound like he was honouring you.

With best wishes.

On the more general point I am afraid I hate it to hear women slagging off their husbands in public and so many do it and I really don't think it's on. It then becomes some kind of public competition about how hopeless the man is and in a sense it even infantilises him. I just never liked it and think it's wrong. Of course if someone is genuinely unhappy with how their husband treats them then they need to discuss that with him

Sue, I wish you the very best, and I hope you and your husband manage to resolve things (ie MrBaroo, if you are reading this, there's an awful lot in the BIble about loving one another and honouring wives and mothers rather than terrorixing them, you know). Whether Jesus was a real person or a mythical construct, he preached love and kindness, not bullying, and there are many, many Christians who will support you in gently educ ating your husband that his treament of you is unkind, unethical and for that matter UNCHRISTIAN.

Message withdrawn

I take the point about women slagging off their husbands - not that this was remotely what was happening on this thread - and I am reflecting on that

It's a good point Xenia makes about infantilising their husbands - I have done this for sure - and I think it's entirely wrong too - need to look after DH a bit better I think

Right, I'm not asking for anyone to think well of me, but I wanted to do this. I'm ashamed of the way I behaved to my wife, and I don't want to cut her off from a support network. She offered to delete her membership as a gesture to me and I let her. I asked her to apologize to me on the thread out of pride, and that was very wrong of me. I wanted her to be able to speak to me about these things, not others, but I know that it's my fault she felt she couldn't. I'm now using her current registration, and fully expect her to carry on posting. She is a lovely woman, and I don't deserve her at all. Sue, I'M sorry, I shouldn't have humiliated you like this. No excuses. I was just wrong.

I am very happy to read this and I hope you and your wife can work things out together, for your own sakes and those of your children.

Mumsnet is a great support network and people vent on here all the time - it doesn't mean we don't love our partners or our children, but women need to vent!

Good on you MrBaroo.

Sue is very well liked on here. I hope she gets back to posting soon.

Mr Baroo - that took a lot of guts!!

Maybe you two need to sit and have a good chat about things, how you both are really feeling - i dont know the history of things sorry, i just know that SB has been very supportive poster. A lot of the AIBU threads are tongue in cheek and garunteed to result in a lynching for someone or other. We all need to vent, we just find different ways of doing it - my mother used to hoover manically, i vent on mnet, I have a loving and happy relationship with DP but i do have the odd whinge, id hate him to read it, only because he would have hurt feelings because its just heat of the moment whinging on my part.

I really hope you two manage to sort things out. It takes a brave and honourable man to make a public apology like that.

I look forward to seeing Sue post again.

good for you Mr Baroo, for posting here, and for what you have said. I am personally deeply crap at saying I have been wrong about something - so appreciate what it can entail.

Glad to hear Sue will be back.

Oh hooray
Looking forward to having you back Sue

MrB we all mess up sometimes, but please look at the whole picture here and try to change things together

good luck

Yay! It takes a big person to admit that they were wrong, and I'm really glad that you've worked things out

Just want to agree with what some other people have posted - sometimes you need to vent/rant/blow off steam in order to make sense of a situation and get things into proportion. It's got to be better to come on an anonymous board like this, get things straight in your own head and then address the problems in RL in a calm and logical manner?

that Sue's back.

Oh that's good. It did also raise the interesting issue about to what extent people can be "disloyal" to a spouse on line and when that is right and wrong. My wife is too fat; my wife won't sleep with me; my wife is no good at oral sex. I don't thin most wives would like threads on line about them of that kind and yet women do it about men all the time.

I think couples need to agree those things, the extent to which they're happy with it and what can be said, whether they might be identified by the post etc. and also when so much posting becomes a dangerous addiction too.

I love hearing apologies like that, MrBaroo; it gives me great hope that relationships can be challenged and repaired when we are prepared to say sorry and consider the other person more highly than ourselves. And love covers over a multitude of sins, I seem to remember!

Hope you both have a good day today.

(Looking forward to seeing you back here, Sue).

Hurray! What a good outcome.

oh that is so lovely

Well done MrBaroo. We may be a nest of vipers but we're a supportive, loyal nest of vipers - and that goes for husbands as well you know.

I had a huge long post about this thread all ready to send last night and then got disturbed and had to close the computer down.

Basically I wanted to say that Sue's OP on this thread reminded me a bit of how dp probably sometimes feels when I come home I work full-time and come home tired and fed up and it drives me bonkers when the house is a tip. The rational bit of me knows it's blardy hard work looking after ds's (and we've only got two!) - I look after them on Sundays and 3 evenings when she works - but I still catch myself getting irritable/grumpy/silent when I come in to a tip and feel like I have to spend the next 30 mins tidying up before I can relax.

It's all very tricky... Empathy/sympathy and very good wishes to both of you - and will love to see Sue back - i love the fact that we're so far away from each other in lots of ways, but not so far apart in lots of others.

right, will stop now - possibly my longest post on MN!

I have read this whole post (it took a while!) I'm so glad MrB has apologised, I hope Mr&MrsB can have a frank conversation and arrange a compromise, and respect each other. MrsB, I hope you feel better soon

That's so lovely - well done MrBaroo, and I'm looking forward to seeing Sue posting again too. She's fab.

Oh that's wonderful. Well done, Mr Baroo, really.