Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit nervous about Dh coming home..

215 replies

EruvandeAini · 08/05/2008 17:07

... because he's always disappointed in what I've got done? I'm always mentally rehearsing how I can 'play up' what I've done.

He'll nod, and then a few minutes later he'll ask what else I've done. And he'll just make me feel that he's so disappointed. He's at work all day, I'm at home with the kids, blah de blah.

And to his credit, he does do stuff in the house, when he's got exasperated with the fact that I haven't done it.

Today, I've done a couple of washing and managed to get them on the line to dry. I've washed up, cleaned surfaces and cleaned the kitchen floor, and tidied the front room ready for him to vacuum (I can't push the vacuum round myself) Plus looked after four children under 7.

But I just know it's not going to be good enough, and I'm feeling really crappy about that today.

OP posts:
ipanemagirl · 09/05/2008 17:39

EruvandeAini you need to leave him in charge of all of them for a whole day. You need to be as far away as possible.

Let him suck on that for hard work!!!!

4 kids under 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 17:41

I haven't read any replies but was curious are you nervous because you don't think you've done enough or if you have that nothing is ever enough for him?

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 17:44

Your husband does not sound very christian now does he? He should have read this and felt ashamed and wanted to reassure you not post you the link in a Orwell like fashion.
I hope everything's okay.
Name change and vary a couple of your details and then he won't know.

Carmenere · 09/05/2008 17:44

I am so, so sad at the mn loss of SueBaroo
MrBaroo, I told my dp last night how much reading this thread made me appreciate him as he is in stark contrast to you. He actually laughed when I told him that your wife was scared of you in case the house work wasn't up to your standard and you had 4 children under 7. You are a bad excuse for a husband. for SuBaroo.

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 17:49

Anybody else worried about her controlling husband? I feel a slight ill chill about this.

Judy1234 · 09/05/2008 17:49

Get a job. Get a nanny. Get a cleaner. It's always the best way. Each to their own and not all women and men are cut out for menial housework type work or childcare. Go off and run a plc. You'll feel a lot better.

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 17:51

Xenia, you really should read I didn't either, but it sounds as if her husband is rather controlling and posting her the link to this thread and asking her to apologise on this thread too.

berolina · 09/05/2008 17:52

Just caught up with this and am rather horrified.

Sue - if you need to, you can vent to me on petrovafossil a t gmx d o t de.
Take care.

Hecate · 09/05/2008 17:53

I hope this 'man' is reading this.

His poor poor sad unhappy desperate wife poured her heart out here, to the only people who she felt would listen to her. He read it. Did he feel for his wife, did he think about his behaviour, did he understand her pain? Did he care?

Did he fuck.

Well, sue, I for one do not accept your public apology because it's not you that needs to be doing the apologising.

Mr, I hope you're proud of how you make your poor wife feel.

Oh, silly me, this will all be her fault, won't it. Cos I bet nothing is ever your fault.

Here's a clue for you - when you are making someone you supposedly love so unhappy, most people want to do something about it, not kick them when they're down.

Judy1234 · 09/05/2008 17:55

Some people like controlling men.I don't think it's fair to say it's right or wrong if that's the relationship they have and they're happy with it and she knew he was like that when she married him. That doesn't preclude her from getting a proper job outside the house and out earning her husband however. Women didn't fight for the vote so women could sit around at home childminding and scrubbing floors. It's pathetic they still accept it in 2008.

Blu · 09/05/2008 17:56

Rosie - me too.

Well, you don't have to register to read.

I would like to know she is ok, though.

I mean, obvioulsly she is NOT ok...but ykwim.

'Love and Obey'is a chilling and haunting concept.

Hecate · 09/05/2008 17:57

Does she sound like she's happy with it?

And it's not childminding if it's your own kids!

JennieBaldrin · 09/05/2008 18:00

"Women didn't fight for the vote so women could sit around at home childminding and scrubbing floors. "

Don't most working mums have cleaners and childminders? And arent most of those...er...OTHER WOMEN??

Hilarious.

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 18:02

Xenia, you seem like a very cruel woman sometimes. For such a successful woman you do sound like a fucking idiot sometimes. Did she seem happy? Did her apology come across as if he were over her shoulder?

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 18:04

Voting had nothing to do with SAHPs, good God find another fight.

cocolepew · 09/05/2008 18:08

Xenia, change the fucking record.

Mr Sue you are a pathetic, controlling prick.

I wish Sue the best.

Mellowma · 09/05/2008 18:09

Message withdrawn

milou2 · 09/05/2008 18:10

SB - remember there are computers at friends' houses, libraries. You could even ask your gp/hv/nurse if necessary.

The HE yahoo groups are accessible from anywhere too as well as Mumsnet.

My husband used the exact phrase changing the goalposts when I had the audacity to think for myself and indulge in some changing of attitudes.

Making changes in a marriage is hard work, whether or not you plan to stay in the (prison) marriage...

For me it has been about reading about emotional abuse, assertiveness, becoming aware of my lagal status, looking at the family finances and making sure I have as much pension provision as possible, proper healthcare, proper transport, decent clothes....

I'm now at the point of being able to go out each week to group therapy sessions and be open about where I am going, what for and openly use the household money to pay for it, rather than from my tiny savings.

I hope to see you back here when you feel safe, make sure someone in your family or a nearby friend knows what is going on.

Thanks for your contributions on the HE section.

CapricaSix · 09/05/2008 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hecate · 09/05/2008 18:14

I actually thought women fought for the right to make their own life choices and to have all options available to them. Like whether staying with the kids or working outside the home was the right decision for them. Not to be dictated to.

I do think it's funny that nobody should want to be with their children, or should want to work with children, or clean. Tell me, who is going to look after the children? The babysitting fairy?

Or should we have a system where we each look after the child of our nearest neighbour, while the one on the other side has our kids? Or nobody has the children because it's 'beneath' us all, and we go out in the morning and take them to a big locker room, pop them in, put the key round our wrist like we do with the swimming locker, then pick them up on our way home from work?

Is it ok to have a childminder? What about the childminder - is it ok for them to care for children because it's employment, or is it beneath them because it involves working with children?

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 18:16

Hecate, I have a mental image of you doing that a little like the dancing baby on Ally Mcbeal.

Hecate · 09/05/2008 18:17

You wouldn't be far wrong.

Blu · 09/05/2008 18:17

Well, (with regrad to Xenia's posts) sadly for SueBaroo the model of the family with a sahm is not serving her well at all.

In fact it is in those circumstances that the woman's happiness is most dependent on how 'decent' a man her husband is.

Earnings do give the independence that mean that if a man does not behave well in his role, the woman can scrap the whole model and make herself happier.

But as a Home-edding Mum, SueBaroo has little room to manouvre.

Which makes your behaviour all the more despicable, MrBaroo.

JennieBaldrin · 09/05/2008 18:26

Just read the whole thread, left me feeling very and ...am left with the strong impression of an abusive relationship.
Quite new here so don't know the op like some of you clearly do - but I am a
bit concerned that dissing Mr Baroo might make things worse for her??

justaboutdisappeared · 09/05/2008 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread