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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tutor canceled lessons!

897 replies

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:13

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

OP posts:
rainydaysandrainbows · 10/02/2025 08:15

You should have paid on time. It's not fair to have let it slip your mind this is the tutor's actual income.

Shoxfordian · 10/02/2025 08:16

The tutor should have told you before you turned up but they're not unreasonable to cancel when you're unreliable with paying them - they're not a charity and you should pay on time for services

KrisAkabusi · 10/02/2025 08:16

You got the invoice and a reminder afterwards. Sorry, this is on you

gannett · 10/02/2025 08:17

No, you cancelled the lessons by not paying for them, even when reminded.

If you've only been having lessons since September and have now "forgotten" twice that's a one-third strike rate for non-payment which isn't great so I'm not surprised she's cut her losses in favour of a more reliable income (which is how she pays her bills so not as easily forgettable for her as it seems to be for you).

Stripeyanddotty · 10/02/2025 08:17

So this is the second time in 6 months you have not paid in time.
The tutor was right.

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/02/2025 08:17

Sorry, this is on you. She shouldn't have to chase payment. She reminded you once and you still forgot.

Would you like to have to Remind your employer to pay you and chase late payment?!

I think the only thing you can do is either grovel or find another tutor

TappyGilmore · 10/02/2025 08:18

I don’t think she is unreasonable to cancel, given that you still hadn’t paid even with a reminder. She probably should have contacted you to confirm that she was cancelling, but maybe she thought you weren’t getting her attempts to contact, since you hadn’t paid one invoice nor responded to the reminder. She is clearly in demand and doesn’t need to mess around with people who won’t pay on time (or at all).

PrincessPeache · 10/02/2025 08:18

Funny that it slipped your mind to pay but didn’t slip your mind to take your DC to the sessions.

lnks · 10/02/2025 08:18

Oh it’s you again. Why do you post this every month?

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 10/02/2025 08:19

YABU.

Would you expect a hairdresser or tradesperson (or anyone) to keep you as a client despite you paying late twice in 5 months and the second time still forgetting despite the fact that she had to use her time to follow up and remind you again (which you still didn't do).

If someone acted like that then I would assume they didn't want to be my client.

She relies on her income, as we all do. You have been very self centred and your embarrassment was your own doing.

RazzzzzzzzzlllllllleDaaazzzzllle · 10/02/2025 08:19

YABVU

They shouldn't have needed to remind you the first time, you've only been having lessons since September but you've "only paid late once before".

How would you feel if your employer did the same with your wages?

Needanewnameidea · 10/02/2025 08:19

Since September you’ve paid late twice and cancelled some lessons. I’m not surprised she “fired” you, especially since she can fill the space. You apparently forgot to pay her even after a reminder - but you remembered to turn up to the lesson despite being busy didn’t you?

She should have told you she was terminating you, but maybe she thought it was obvious you can’t just turn up if you haven’t paid her!

Duckinahat · 10/02/2025 08:19

Tutors around here have 10 x the demand that they can handle. If you have a tutor you are extremely lucky. And yet you don’t pay on time. You must be mad. I am totally not surprised they ditched you.

IBloodyLoveMyBlanket · 10/02/2025 08:19

Do you have a job, OP? If your employer forgot to pay you what would you think about that?

EmmasDilemmas · 10/02/2025 08:19

She’s clearly in demand as she could get the place filled right away. She reminded you and you still didn’t pay, and you’ve paid late
before. (The fact that you think only paying her late once in four months is good suggests you don’t think paying her on time is all that important). If she isn’t paid, she has no income. So no I think one reminder and then cancel the lessons is fair enough. If she’s really good, I’d message, apologise sincerely and ask to be given the next spot that comes up.

ilovesooty · 10/02/2025 08:20

Absolutely your fault. The tutor has behaved totally reasonably. You didn't pay on time - the contract hasn't been kept
Evidently the services are in demand and there was a waiting list.

cheeseismydownfall · 10/02/2025 08:20

I don't think the tutor was unreasonable to cancel your arrangement after two late payments.

I think it was a misjudgement on her part not to tell you this though and avoid the unnecessary and uncomfortable situation of you turning up.

Catza · 10/02/2025 08:20

If you booked a holiday and forgot to pay, would you still expect them to let you on a plain? What a strange world view. You cancelled your own lesson by failing to pay. The way people treat self-employed and small businesses is appalling.

TickingAlongNicely · 10/02/2025 08:20

Would you be happy if your employer "forgot" to pay you?

That is what you do when you "forget" to pay for services. She obviously had no problem replacing you, so probably had a waiting list.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 10/02/2025 08:20

She is running a business not a charity. So she is within her rights to do this. I would however thought it nicer to send a text or call you. But hey. This way the humiliating experience may stop you doing it in future.

ServantsGonnaServe · 10/02/2025 08:20

How did she know you were going to turn up? She didn't. So she covered her income by booking someone else.

I appreciate that life's busy but it's a bit cheeky to expect grace from her while giving her none yourself (when she was entirely reasonable to book another family)

Organisedwannabe · 10/02/2025 08:21

Sounds like you didn’t just pay late you just didn’t pay.

If you don’t pay for some thing then you don’t get it. It’s very simple.

Moonnstars · 10/02/2025 08:21

Places are in demand. You are unreliable. You have paid late twice and ignored a reminder to pay. Had you actually paid for Fridays lesson? I assume not and you were just expecting the place to be available.
I expect it's all in their T&C's.

discdiscsnap · 10/02/2025 08:22

How would you feel if twice four months your work place forgot to pay you?

I'm guessing you would look for alternative work that respects you enough to pay you on time.

It seems like she let it go the first time, but after asking twice the second time decided to offer the slot to someone who doesn't need chasing for payment.

Find another tutor and treat them better.

Lucytheloose · 10/02/2025 08:23

It was your responsibility to make the payment on time. In these days of electronic bank transfers, it's not exactly a difficult or time-consuming thing to do.