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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tutor canceled lessons!

897 replies

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:13

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

OP posts:
gannett · 10/02/2025 08:33

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

Why would you expect that? She didn't write her terms and conditions for shits and giggles, she wrote them because she meant them. She can't help it if you ignored them.

Holdonforsummer · 10/02/2025 08:33

Wow, the entitlement in your last post is breathtaking, OP. She shouldn’t be working with children? She is disadvantaging your child? You did this to yourself and your child!

Bestthriller · 10/02/2025 08:34

I think she probably didn’t like you op and / or your child

and this was the straw that broker the camel’s back

good on her!

NoraLuka · 10/02/2025 08:34

You haven’t said what you’d do if your employer ‘forgot’ your wages OP.

I’m self employed although not a tutor and if clients don’t pay I don’t do any more work for them until they have. If they need frequent reminders about payment I don’t work with them again at all.

TappyGilmore · 10/02/2025 08:34

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

You don’t think she should be working with children? That’s okay because she doesn’t want to work with your child now, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

And you are the one who has disadvantaged and punished your child, through your failure to pay the invoice.

MinnieBalloon · 10/02/2025 08:34

She isn’t unkind and impatient.

YOU have left your child with no tutor. YOU have left your child disadvantaged.

YOU have failed your child here.

Stop blaming someone else because you failed to pay on time even after a reminder. You were rude.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 10/02/2025 08:35

The tutor hasn’t left your child at a disadvantage, this is all on you op.

Not paying on time twice in 6 months is hardly fair to someone who will have bills to pay like the rest of us. They’re not a charity. Why would they save a space for someone who they regularly have to chase for payment if they could fill it with someone more reliable?

Hopefully you take time to reflect on this and sort out what your priorities should be. It’s all your fault, nobody else’s.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/02/2025 08:35

Oh my fucking god. Genuinely.

Paragraph 1 - I wouldn't either. Wouldn't waste my time.

Paragraph 2 - why should she waste her time like that.

Paragraph 3 - no, you were unkind. You were rude. It is your fault completely that your son has lost his tutor. Yours.

discdiscsnap · 10/02/2025 08:36

BallerinaRadio · 10/02/2025 08:24

I've definitely seen this before right?

There was a childminder version a few weeks ago

LookItsMeAgain · 10/02/2025 08:36

She did give you leeway - she REMINDED you about your unpaid invoice.

First she sends the invoice, then she reminds you of said unpaid invoice. It's not up to her what is going on in your lives so when you don't pay in time to hold your spot, then she is free to allocate another student to it.

You might not like it but she did give you opportunities to pay in time.

Viviennemary · 10/02/2025 08:36

You sound like a nightmare customer. Why have you even cancelled any lessons. And twice paid late. No wonder she wants rid of you.

Bestthriller · 10/02/2025 08:36

This is one of those posters that I would love to read their past mumsnet threads and posts… I imagine they’re quite WTF??!!!

Rewis · 10/02/2025 08:36

If she has queue of students willing to pay the same price. There is no incentive for the tutor to be more considerate and understanding. Usually for companies the reason to be flexible is that they will gain something from it, they're not doing for the consideration of the clients. In this case it sounds like accepting the late fee from you and continuing tutoring won't benefit the tutor.

That being said, they should have texted you not to show up on Friday.

Catza · 10/02/2025 08:36

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

You seem to have very high expectations of others but no so much of yourself.
Forgetting to pay your invoice despite reminders is not a "small mistake". It is literally impacting someone's salary. I bet you wouldn't be happy if your employer said they made "a small mistake" and cut your salary by 10% this month.
And the expectation of a "more personal text"... She sent you her T&C that's as personal as it should ever get.
You've been with her since September. This is your second late invoice. Take some responsibility.
Either way, it sounds like it's no loss to you since you wouldn't want someone so unkind and impatient working with your child.

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 10/02/2025 08:36

You're being so unreasonable it's funny. You didn't pay despite the invoice and the reminder. I don't blame her for losing her patience given the opportunities you've had.

lnks · 10/02/2025 08:37

discdiscsnap · 10/02/2025 08:36

There was a childminder version a few weeks ago

Show quote history

I’ve reported to MNHQ. Its really not fair on posters who reply in good faith.

StampOnTheGround · 10/02/2025 08:37

This is all on you OP.

She is not unkind and impatient - sounds like she was very patient, sending you a reminder. It's her income, imagine if your work just didn't pay you - I'm sure you'd be furious then.

Ellie1015 · 10/02/2025 08:37

It is a business not a charity.

Sept is not that long ago and this is the second time you have been late.

She sent a reminder warning lesson would be cancelled. Why on earth would you turn up before paying??

If your child was embarrassed that is on you.

IlooklikeNigella · 10/02/2025 08:37

You're obnoxious in the extreme and she is well rid.

You paid late already. This time she reminded you and has a policy in place. You've been messaging her on the weekend making suggestions of how she should further accommodate you. You think she should be kinder?

I feel furious on her behalf that she has to deal with dickhead like you.

CherryPopShowerGel · 10/02/2025 08:38

This has got to be a reverse haha

I didn't pay for service, turned up for service, was turned away, AIBU?

Wtf lol

MTP312 · 10/02/2025 08:38

She's left our child with no tutor

My own fecklessness has left my child with no tutor

Fixed it for you

AlertCat · 10/02/2025 08:39

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

I’m sure she’s very kind, but kindness doesn’t pay the bills. This isn’t a small mistake, you have messed about with her income. Maybe she’s had to take a loan or missed a mortgage payment because of you.

YOU have left your child with no tutor by breaking her terms and conditions, despite being reminded to pay. Why do you think she should “be kind” when this is her livelihood? How “kind” would you be if your employer didn’t pay you on time?

AyrnotAir · 10/02/2025 08:39

Why did you not set up a standing order.

This is on you 100%. Feel angry with yourself not the tutor.

pickachoo · 10/02/2025 08:40

You forgot to pay for the invoice twice yet you remembered to turn up to the lesson!?

misspositivepants · 10/02/2025 08:40

Take some responsibility for yourself, you’ve let your child down not the tutor.

would you accept your employer paying you let as they forgot? I didn’t think so.