Page 35 | Tutor canceled lessons!

grassisgreener2015 · 2025-02-10T08:13:54+00:00

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably? Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks. We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away. We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress. I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

TwistedWonder · 13/02/2025 20:15

Bestwishes23 · 13/02/2025 20:08

So... The OP had her contract with the tutor terminated due to occasions of late payment, she then harasses the tutor to establish the tutoring, and is now slyly organising cheaper lessons without the consent of the tutor. The lack of self-awareness is unbelievable.

And had the brass neck to say the tutor needs to get over it.

Im struggling to believe this is real - the OP is like a CF character from a sitcom

Orionthegiant · 13/02/2025 20:39

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

Not sure why OP keeps saying her child has done nothing wrong 🤣. Trying a bit of emotional blackmail. The teacher didn't say that though did she! Her child did nothing wrong, but the child's mother did!

Superhansrantowindsor · 13/02/2025 20:46

If your dc needs the tutoring for grammar school so badly then I don’t think grammar school is necessarily the right option.
I find it hard to believe you can’t tutor your child yourself for an hour. You work in a school and are child centred after all.

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 20:49

I'm a SEN EOTAS tutor on £30 p/h through the LA. I love my job with a passion. And I rely on it to pay my rent.

Scirocco · 13/02/2025 20:54

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 15:34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

Leave the situation alone. Anything you do now will only make it worse.

Yes, your child hasn't done anything wrong. It wasn't their responsibility to pay for the tuition you wanted them to have. It was your responsibility. Ultimately, you did not pay for them to have something, so now they don't have it.

The tutor was not paid by you, and appears to be in high demand by people who are able and willing to pay. I doubt any tutor would bump you up any waiting list to prioritise an unreliable customer over others who have not got track histories of being unreliable. It's not about "getting past" anything, it's about business. The tutor can't tell the bank to "get past" late mortgage payments.

Don't hassle the family who are now using the slot you gave up. Leave them alone. Anything else will just look entitled and make things even more embarrassing for your child and the other family.

Find another tuition option and remember to pay for it. If it's not an ideal option then, sadly for your child, they'll just have to muddle through with it. Rather than modelling being entitled and stamping your foot when you don't get your own way, try to model resilience - you made a mistake, this is the consequence, so you find an alternative way forward and learn from this.

What is it about the available alternatives that's so impossible to work around? Your child is going to need to learn how to study in group settings and engage with online learning, etc, so those can't realistically be insurmountable obstacles.

TwistedWonder · 13/02/2025 20:58

Orionthegiant · 13/02/2025 20:39

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

Not sure why OP keeps saying her child has done nothing wrong 🤣. Trying a bit of emotional blackmail. The teacher didn't say that though did she! Her child did nothing wrong, but the child's mother did!

The thing is unfortunately that sometimes kids suffer because of their parents poor behaviour and this is one of those times where the child is the innocent victim of a CF mum.

lizzyBennet08 · 13/02/2025 21:44

Op
In the kindest way possible you need to stop with this lady. She has decided that she doesn't want to deal with you and I know you feel like she's being unfair you can't change her mind and suggesting that your share with another lady appears like you're trying to get back in by stealth and save money to boot. Many tutors don't offer split lessons for various reasons so it absolutley wouldn't be for the other mom to announce that your child is coming along with hers each week. I think it's pretty clear that she is going through take your daughter back regardless of whether she has space or now and you're in danger of looking a bit stalker like there are absolutely other good tutors out and.
I'd focus your energy on finding one of those that suit. Ask around at school if anyone can recommend one. They can't all be going to this lady and something will absolutely turn up that works for you and you and your daughter.
I get that you're really disappointed and this is a hard lesson for you but take the learnings from it and you'll never make the same mistake again .

McSpoot · 13/02/2025 21:57

I love that OP thinks that she could pass on recommendations for the tutor (and that the tutor is now missing out). Given how hard the OP is trying to get her daughter back in with the tutor, the tutor clearly doesn't need the OP's recommendations.

StrikeAlways · 13/02/2025 22:05

LookItsMeAgain · 13/02/2025 18:58

Just thinking about it - if you're referring your pupils to any tutor, is that not an admission that your teaching skills aren't up to much and they might do better with someone on a one-to-one basis?
Yikes.
That's not a good look at all.
😆😂😆😂

She would have absolutely stated it if she was a teacher. She isn’t, she “works in a school”.

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 22:12

@StrikeAlways Tbf, you don't need any qualifications to become a teacher now. So she could be 😀

StrikeAlways · 13/02/2025 22:13

Scirocco · 13/02/2025 20:54

Leave the situation alone. Anything you do now will only make it worse.

Yes, your child hasn't done anything wrong. It wasn't their responsibility to pay for the tuition you wanted them to have. It was your responsibility. Ultimately, you did not pay for them to have something, so now they don't have it.

The tutor was not paid by you, and appears to be in high demand by people who are able and willing to pay. I doubt any tutor would bump you up any waiting list to prioritise an unreliable customer over others who have not got track histories of being unreliable. It's not about "getting past" anything, it's about business. The tutor can't tell the bank to "get past" late mortgage payments.

Don't hassle the family who are now using the slot you gave up. Leave them alone. Anything else will just look entitled and make things even more embarrassing for your child and the other family.

Find another tuition option and remember to pay for it. If it's not an ideal option then, sadly for your child, they'll just have to muddle through with it. Rather than modelling being entitled and stamping your foot when you don't get your own way, try to model resilience - you made a mistake, this is the consequence, so you find an alternative way forward and learn from this.

What is it about the available alternatives that's so impossible to work around? Your child is going to need to learn how to study in group settings and engage with online learning, etc, so those can't realistically be insurmountable obstacles.

Show quote history

I agree, but so many of us have made these points before and the OP, just returns each time posting the same view. She won’t listen.

StrikeAlways · 13/02/2025 22:14

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 22:12

@StrikeAlways Tbf, you don't need any qualifications to become a teacher now. So she could be 😀

Can I ask for your source on this. My husband especially would be horrified. He is a retired Science Teacher.

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 22:17

@StrikeAlways My father is a retired English teacher and is shocked too; I'm not.sure he quite believes me!
I'm a qualified teacher of 20 years but left the profession in December (no regrets).
It was sent to me today from a recruitment agency.
It's standard now.

crackfoxy · 13/02/2025 22:38

I can't believe how short sighted you are OP! Leave the tutor alone, the other family alone and focus on getting your child a new tutor. Bet tutor is glad to get rid of you! Your poor child...

TheMeasure · 13/02/2025 22:39

I would hope an actual teacher would be able to spell "cancelled." (See thread title)

FartyPants9 · 13/02/2025 22:45

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

The world doesn't revolve around your child, hope that helps.

ilovesooty · 13/02/2025 22:48

I do feel a bit sorry for the child here. The OP's attitude can't be helping him /her.

mihinobis · 13/02/2025 22:53

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 15:34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

Hilarious.
You're good OP

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 22:56

@TheMeasure Tbf I'm not sure she said she was a teacher? I think she described herself as "school staff"?

Twaddlepip · 13/02/2025 23:17

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 15:34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

You wrote what in the card?

So, not so much an apology card as an attempt-at-manipulation card?

GreyCarpet · 13/02/2025 23:28

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 22:56

@TheMeasure Tbf I'm not sure she said she was a teacher? I think she described herself as "school staff"?

She said she works in a school.

She's not a teacher.

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 23:29

@GreyCarpet Yes that's what I thought.

Starlightstarbright4 · 13/02/2025 23:32

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 15:34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

I honestly think you lack self awareness .. She doesn’t need your referrals - she is fully booked .

she doesn’t want to wait on your payments so won’t be doing shared lessons . Your card isn’t an apology it’s an attempt to get what you want .

You need to find a way forward that doesn’t include this tutor

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 23:38

@Starlightstarbright4 You're absolutely right. I'm an EOTAS tutor and can choose my students from a very long waiting list.

StrikeAlways · 14/02/2025 00:42

everychildmatters · 13/02/2025 22:17

@StrikeAlways My father is a retired English teacher and is shocked too; I'm not.sure he quite believes me!
I'm a qualified teacher of 20 years but left the profession in December (no regrets).
It was sent to me today from a recruitment agency.
It's standard now.

That’s shocking and dreadful. I remember him being shocked in 2009, when he discovered that a colleague, who was also a Science Teacher didn’t have a science degree, but just a degree in humanities! I get that there is a curriculum and purely to teach that, a teacher would on;y need to be one step ahead, but with motivated students, there will be times they will ask questions and seek discussion beyond that. All of this just shows how little British governments have valued the education of the masses.