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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tutor canceled lessons!

897 replies

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:13

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 10/02/2025 08:24

I've definitely seen this before right?

bournevilleismyfavourite · 10/02/2025 08:25

I think it’s fair enough. She reminded you already. You’ve obviously pissed her off and she has other people looking for spaces so decided to bin you off as a client. Awkward for you but next time pay on time!

lnks · 10/02/2025 08:25

BallerinaRadio · 10/02/2025 08:24

I've definitely seen this before right?

It gets posted on a regular basis

Overthebow · 10/02/2025 08:25

No, this is on you for not paying on time. This is her job, your money pays her bills. How would you like it if your work forgot to pay you?

Trickabrick · 10/02/2025 08:25

So you’ve had to make 6 payments since September and you’ve been late for 2 of them, a third of them?! You also don’t pay when reminded. Yeah this is on you OP, you’re very cavalier about someone else’s income. Maybe educate yourself on how to set up a standing order from your bank to avoid issues with the next tutor.

Organisedwannabe · 10/02/2025 08:26

This reply has been deleted

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Stripeyanddotty · 10/02/2025 08:26

Are you the same person who didn’t pay the childminder on time?

arcticpandas · 10/02/2025 08:27

I can't believe you didn't pay even after the reminder! Ofcourse she thought you didn't want any more tutoring since you didn't pay.

Thingsthatgo · 10/02/2025 08:27

YABVU maybe the embarrassment will help jog your memory the next time this kind of situation crops up. Not paying invoices on time is incredibly rude.

mediummumma · 10/02/2025 08:29

YABVU. You chose not to pay for the service in a timely fashion so the service provider has withdrawn the service. Tesco would not deliver your groceries without payment etc so I’ve no idea why you’d expect this business to wait until you can be bothered to pay them.

MoodEnhancer · 10/02/2025 08:30

You paid late once before. You forgot the pay this time, despite a reminder. It’s completely reasonable that she booked someone else to take the place. It’s her job, she relies on her income - being kind and good with children doesn’t and shouldn’t override that. I’m astonished at how entitled your post is. This is 100% your fault. Apologise to her and find a new tutor.

Original poster
grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/02/2025 08:30

They should have told you they were cancelling rather than just turned you away, I think.

But look at it from their point of view-

1 You didn’t pay the invoice despite having a reminder
2 In only six months this has already happened once before
3 In only six months you’ve cancelled the lesson more than once (you say “a few” and I don’t know how many that is)

If she has a waiting list and can fill the spot, she’s going to do it!

Fountofwisdom · 10/02/2025 08:30

You ‘forgot’ to pay February’s fee, and then still didn’t pay when the tutor reminded you? Despite this arrangement being in place since September, so why haven’t you set up a DD to pay on time each month? Plus you admit that you’ve paid late a previous time. So in 6 months you’ve been late with payment twice, despite at least one reminder.

You’re the one who is out of order.

It’s YOUR fault your child has no tutor now, and if you were so concerned about your child’s education you should have paid in time. And it’s not ONE small mistake, you’ve failed to pay up promptly on at least 3 occasions (one was a reminder). Your sense of indignation and entitlement is mis-placed.

neilyoungismyhero · 10/02/2025 08:30

You've been with them since September You've already paid late once before and you have cancelled lessons. She reminded you to pay this time but you were too busy to bother paying her. Entitled much? You've been rude and disrespectful and she doesn't need flakey clients; not a good example to set your child either.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/02/2025 08:31

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

It’s not a small error though, she actually said in the reminder that lessons would be cancelled if not paid.

Mrsttcno1 · 10/02/2025 08:31

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

The tutor hasn’t stopped your child’s lessons, you have by not paying.

She has a policy, you were reminded, you didn’t pay. Your fault.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/02/2025 08:32

YABU

I am on the other side of this, try to run a small business, and I am COMPLETELY FED UP of people like you. To the point that I'm considering stopping and just going employed. She had no idea if you were going to turn up or not. None. And then she would have lost money. You were the rude one.

I have a 'banned' list which you would be on. In our little networking meet-ups with other small businesses, we share our banned lists.

Wingingitnancy · 10/02/2025 08:32

Yeah they have to have firm boundaries even though your mistake was unintentional and without ill intent...There are a lot of people who would take the mick.
If a few people make the same mistake that's a lot of income gone and bills not paid. If my employer didn't pay me on payday I'd report and my month would be messed up. It's still a service and it's still the tutor's job. They have to be strict as evidently people view payment with their job as flexible.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 10/02/2025 08:32

I feel like this is pretty much the exact same as a thread from last year where the OP got her arse handed to her

If this is legit its an amazing insight into the workings of how the other half think.
Its amazing you can think shes being unreasonable she cant pay her bills without that money...
Also the but we've been with her since September! made me laugh - its no time at all.... she will have had clients who used her for 2 years for all children

Jc2001 · 10/02/2025 08:32

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

No, it's you that's left your child with no tutor and disadvantaged.

McSpoot · 10/02/2025 08:33

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

Did you write to her as you write here? Telling her that it is all her fault, and you just made a "small mistake"? If so, I'd be ignoring you too.

mitogoshigg · 10/02/2025 08:33

You have only been going since September and this is the second time you paid late??? I would replace you too

Overthebow · 10/02/2025 08:33

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

It’s not a small mistake, and you’re looking at this wrong. She didn’t do this to your child, you did.

TheatreTraveller · 10/02/2025 08:33

She's hardly "unkind and impatient" for expecting to be paid, she even sent you a reminder.
There's only one person to blame that your daughter is now disadvantaged and that's you.