To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

[sleptlikeababydidnt]

I'm probably just tired but dd is 7 and is constantly waking 4 month baby up either by bursting in our room to ask something when we've just put him down despite being told not to come in our room while we settle him or by raising her voice and waking him when he's napping, it's getting beyond a joke.
We have a 5 year old who manages to keep her voice down and not wake the baby who also doesn't come in our room when asked not to.

Aibu to give consequences for waking the baby or is that a step too far and I just need sleep?

Who is with DD when you’re settling the baby? Does she feel threatened / left out? I got a new sibling when I was that age and felt pretty much forgotten.
maybe look at the reason for the behaviour rather than just punish.

What consequences could you give a 7 year old for waking up a baby?

A step too far.

I think it’s just family life and baby will soon get used to having 2 older siblings. Your last sentence is about your sleep though rather than baby, so that’s hard if these are times when you are trying to sleep too. I wouldn’t punish with consequences, I’d be rewarding both of them if needed to use quiet voices sometime, at 7 and 5 they are older enough to understand that.

Your baby isn't your 7 year old's responsibility. I understand how frustrating this must be...but you're asking her to quell her natural childish personality and impulses. Your 5 year old is better at it but they are different children.
Remind her by all means but don't punish her...she won't be doing it deliberately.

My thoughts.

I think the baby should fit in with your older DC not the other way around.

Perhaps you could reward her for not waking the baby instead of punishing her for waking them?

“Not come into our room while we settle him” - does she have another adult she can access during this time? How long is this time? It’s not unreasonable for a seven year old to need her parents attention too.

Surely the person parenting the seven year old should be the one stopping her going inti the bedroom? We didn’t expect our son to be quieter when his sister was a baby, not only is that not realistic, but it would have also taught him that he came second to his sister if we had gone down that route, which is a guaranteed way to make a child feel isolated, worthless and no longer a full member of the family.

Do you think she is doing it on purpose? If so then she is likely screaming out for your attention even if it is negative attention if is still attention to her.
If you think it’s not on purpose then you can’t really punish her for simply being 7 years old.

I was 7 when my younger brother was born. I was made to tiptoe around him.
I felt pushed out and made to grow up too fast.

Not his fault, my parents just centred him. My mother had PND because she didn't want to have him but my father made her. She was distant and unavailable, changed from being my loving mother, and my father overcompensated by smothering my little brother.

I was told to be a big girl and suck it up.

These things stay with you.

My brother and I don't have a relationship as adults and I still resent the way I was made to behave.

It's mainly that she is asked not to come in our room where baby sleeps and yet still finds an excuse to or she'll knock loudly and won't stop until she's answered even after we tell her to go downstairs for a minute.

Is a parent getting up when 7 year old is up? Sounds to me like she wants some attention? Is it in the mornings and she is coming in?

Surely during nap times another parent is with her?

What things is she asking for?

She is telling you loud and clear that she is feeling pushed out and needs more attention. Try and work with her, not against her.

It takes 5 minutes to put him down but then he isn't in a deep sleep for around 15 minutes during which we creep downstairs so we need her to keep it down and not go up during that time.

It's because she's feeling left out because of the baby.
One of adults needs to be with baby, the other with the 5 and 7 year old.

You have essentially told a 7 year old that this baby is more important than she is....

Nice....

How often doe it happen? Is it a regular/daily thing? Are her requests trivial/something that could've waited or sensible ones?

Does it actually take two of you to settle the baby or is there another parent available?

I agree with this. If you have a DH then one of you settles the baby and one stays with the older two DC.

If you need both parents with the baby, then keep the door open and put some white noise on. Less risk of anyone loudly bursting in and the baby will fall asleep with background noise and therefore be less likely to wake up.

I have 3 dc and youngest dc soon learnt to nap admist the chaos. She would fall asleep on her play mat, Bouncy chair etc. This baby has come in to the other dc life, a 7yo shouldn't have to make to many allowances for that.

Get her to help with bed time. Like she can be the one to out him in the sleep suit, read a story etc

I’d say she is desperate for your attention then. Can’t she come into your room and sit and read or play quietly while baby goes down? I have three dc all in 5 years and DH worked nights: evenings so I was often alone so not having the older ones in my own when the younger one was going down to sleep just wasn’t an option and of course the house wasn’t quiet because they were too young.

Why are two of you putting the baby down?

It might be better if your baby got used to more noise around when sleeping.
You, and especially your 7yr old shouldn’t have to be tip toeing around or whispering.

Try settling with a radio on low, then gradually increase it. I do t meant crashing about and yelling is fine, but normal life and conversation is perfectly acceptable.

I know it’s hard, when you just want them to stay asleep, but your 7yr old matters too.

Also wondering this, two of you in the bedroom and sending her away on her own and you wonder why she’s doing things for your attention?

Baby shouldn't be sleeping in a different room to you anyway at 4m old, if you follow the advice from NHS and lullaby trust?

Stick baby in a sling to nap and give your 7yo the attention they're craving.