To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

[sleptlikeababydidnt]

I'm probably just tired but dd is 7 and is constantly waking 4 month baby up either by bursting in our room to ask something when we've just put him down despite being told not to come in our room while we settle him or by raising her voice and waking him when he's napping, it's getting beyond a joke.
We have a 5 year old who manages to keep her voice down and not wake the baby who also doesn't come in our room when asked not to.

Aibu to give consequences for waking the baby or is that a step too far and I just need sleep?

🙄

It's not unreasonable to expect a 7 year old to not do a particular thing and to occupy themselves for 20 minutes! I'm not surprised there are so many children who can't follow the most basic behavioural rules when expectations are so ridiculously low.
If you need to put the baby down to nap, and you've explicitly told her not to come into the bedroom, then she should be capable of following that rule. I presume you give her enough attention and love during the rest of the day and she can manage without you for 20 minutes. Kids want our attention all the time, it doesn't mean they will get it all the time, that's impossible.
I wouldn't go straight to punishments, I'd try rewards first. If that doesn't work, I'd do something like reduce screen time.

Ridiculous analogy.

this therapy session mindset and limp wristed parenting the uk seems obsessed with is 90% of the problem in our current 20something workforce.

Does no one else think it’s actually ok for a child not to be the main character for five minutes?

Or.... Address the actual reason instead of essentially punishing a small child for expressing their sense of rejection from their parents or their resentment of how their lives have been turned upside down....

Honestly, no wonder adults are repressed, angry and depressed.

It might be nothing to do with a sense of rejection though. They might just be impatient. Mine certainly is. No new baby here.

Who are you people whose 7 year old can't be left to quietly amuse themselves for 15 minutes? And why are you raising children who can't exercise a minimal amount of restraint and consideration for others? It's nothing to be proud of.

A 7 year old doesn't need constant supervision at home

I think i might change the baby's routine. They don't know the clock so you can do what you like to suit your own family.
It sounds like these must be the times when your dh is at work still, otherwise presumably he would be reading to or whatever your elder 2.
So - can you do your elder 2s bedtime first?

It's not that, we just think that maybe there's more going in here than just a child being naughty.

Maybe it's a child desperate for parents to acknowledge the fact she feels pushed out and her life is completely different and her parents are prioritising this baby that is the cause of the disruption.

What do you think the reason is?

Why are you putting the baby to bed in your room though, if you are then coming downstairs and leaving them? This is what I did with my babies in the nineties, but I thought the advice these days was for babies not to be left to sleep in a room on their own under 6 months.

Does it really take two to settle the baby?

Take it in turns, one with the baby, one interacting with the elder two, so no-one feels left out.

Your five year old and your seven year old are two different people at different stages of development - don't compare them, especially not to criticise.

You need to consider WHY she's doing it, not THAT she's doing it.

100% it's about the change in dynamics.

When your parents are basically saying this baby is more important than you, it's going to cause issues.

This child has known no different her entire life, and BAM all of a sudden there's a baby, who will naturally need more attention, but she's being literally shut out of rooms with her parents, because they are prioritising the baby. She's potentially going to be punished for expressing a negative emotion.

The parents can deal with this quite easily without the need to punish a child who hasn't got the tools to express how they feel.

Ffs

You need to check a dictionary if you think this is abuse. If you really cared about abused children you wouldn't normalise their experience by applying the term to every trivial bit of parenting that you disagree with.

The reason is because she wants her parents attention and to not feel second best to this baby.

She's being told that baby is more important.

Why does it take two to put the baby down?

I am fascinated people believe this.

There are angry and depressed adults for multiple reasons.

id suggest it’s more commonly due to their parents having given them an fundamentally incorrect impression of the world imparting the belief it centres exclusively on their needs and feels throughout their childhood so when they go out in the actual world they are self centred individualists… who are interacting with a bunch of other people who were parented similarly and are also self centred individualists and surprise surprise it’s not a functional set up as their never ending needs and asks cannot be satisfied and they don’t consider others…

vs being emotionally damaged because your mother asked you to watch paw patrol with a snack for 20mins…

The OP isn’t saying it does.

What would you call it? I’ve always referred to my and DH’s bedroom as ‘our’ room — because it is!

I think your use of the word 'we' so continuously up thread - even though you did actually clarify you didn't mean 'we' you meant one at a time - has set people's minds on the wrong track possibly.

When I read 'we are upstairs with a closed door with baby' I read that both mummy and daddy (even worse if this is not her dad) were enjoying cosy time with baby and leaving the other 2 out. That would actually be cruel.

But you didn't mean that.
But it's possibly set the tone.

Age 7 with a younger sibling I'm pretty sure she's familiar with the idea that one sometimes has to take turns for attention. I mean, it probably happens at school too