To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

[sleptlikeababydidnt]

I'm probably just tired but dd is 7 and is constantly waking 4 month baby up either by bursting in our room to ask something when we've just put him down despite being told not to come in our room while we settle him or by raising her voice and waking him when he's napping, it's getting beyond a joke.
We have a 5 year old who manages to keep her voice down and not wake the baby who also doesn't come in our room when asked not to.

Aibu to give consequences for waking the baby or is that a step too far and I just need sleep?

Responses here show why children cannot entertain themselves for even a minute.

A 7yo can sit downstairs or their room, with their stuff for 5-10 minutes while an adult does something else that isn't centred around them.

I'm the oldest of 3 and in no way scared by not being the centre of my parents world for their lifetime.

You obviously wanted a large family, so I guess you thought through child care and how you would manage a 5 year old, 7 year old and a new born. What was your decided strategy? Help from grandparents? Childminder? There must have been a plan for the new bedtime routine, what is it? Expecting a child to be silent isn’t rational or vaguely likely.

What should OP say to describe her bedroom other than ‘our room’?! Come off it

Also all the ‘where is DH’. OP is on mat leave, he’s at work for goodness sake.

She should definitely be able to make the adjustment to give you 15 minutes to put baby to bed. But for the short term, can you arrange to do something particular with her that she likes once the baby is asleep? Like, we’ll read this book once baby is asleep, or you can help me make sandwiches once baby is asleep, or we can watch an episode of peppa pig together once baby is asleep. But only if you don’t wake the baby up. And if you do come in and wake baby then we won’t do the thing…

I agree with this.

You need to find a way to make her part of the team and not an annoyance. Is she rewarded and praised for helping (eg she entertains baby on playmat- you’re such a fun older sister, she passes him a toy when he cries - you’re such a kind older sister etc) always always go positive.

When my 3rd was a baby, I had a 2yo and 4yo - no chance of trying to reason with the toddler especially! I used to let the baby nap on me / in a wrap or carrier as I found he would hardly even notice noise when cuddled against me. He's 3 now and my best sleeper - he will sleep anywhere and through anything!

Lots of assumed resentment of a new baby on this thread.... Do nobody's dc actually adore their new sibling? Never dealt with such rubbish... Even my teens were thrilled when ds came along..

page 1 of this thread….🙄
my not yet 3 yo lets me put the baby down

100% implement consequences

i would also spend 1:1 time with her (one morning each weekend or something).
if she has in aggregate let you put the baby down I’d let her pick something “special” as a treat (eg pottery cafe) vs normal 1:1 time playing in the park if she’s not been listening/behaving at babys bedtime

Teens are different to small children.

Not all children are the same.

Even ADULTS struggle with the changes a baby brings to their relationships.

Some kids really struggle when parental/family dynamics change. It's big upheaval.
If the baby has taken priority over the older ones ,then they're understandably feeling left out.

They act out like this to get attention, and it works. So you need to make sure they're getting positive attention elsewhere. Making sure you make special time for them too.

So who is looking after your 7yo when you're in your bedroom with baby?

So because that’s how your family was, are all families the same? Or is it possible that in my family it was different?
And, like other posters here, I have tried to give OP a different perspective of what’s going on for her DD.

YABU to start with consequences. You’d do far better for praising good behaviour and encouraging that. Reward her for being quiet.
Baby’s bedtime could be time for her to do something fun and grown up, a specific special activity to do or toy to play with that she gets for staying out of baby’s room and keeping the noise down.
I’d also include her in the bed time routine for the baby. She can be be responsible for something and that comes with the caveat that she has to be aware of her noise levels or she doesn’t get to be a helper.

You're comparing how a teen might feel about a new baby with how a 7 year old might feel?!

No need to implement consequences if you address the reason for the interrupting.

It's like saying "oh there's a leak in the kitchen radiator pipe" and just keep on mopping the floor each time and getting more exasperated when it keeps in happening, instead of fixing the leak...

They may well love and adore their sibling but still be disrupted over having to share mum and dad’s time. It doesn’t mean they are resentful of the sibling. Small children aren’t very good at expressing their emotions yet. A change in routine can be difficult for some children. It takes time.

No way! They will grow up not getting on.

Youre frustrated but she’s the wrong target.

FGS rewarding a child for normal behaviour!
No wonder we have a nation of entitled adults!
Ridiculous
She's 7 !

Just stop.

Put a large sign that she can't possibly miss on the door.

Unless she is suddenly screeching at the top of her voice, she should be able to talk normally while the baby is asleep.

Try to think constructively (I know it’s hard when you’re so tired):

Before you take the baby up, talk to her about what she'll be doing during that time. Emphasise that the sooner he is fast asleep, the sooner you’ll be able to spend a little time with her, then do it, even if it’s only a two-minute cuddle and chat. Maybe get her (and other DD) a special notepad where they can draw a special picture for you, or something like that, while you’re settling the baby, to show you when you come out.

Try to make her feel she’s on your side with caring for the baby. Let her choose what he’s going to wear, ask her to help you bathe him. Talk to her about how tired you are because that pesky baby keeps waking you up at night.

If you have a partner, where is he during all this?

Everybody rewards children for normal behaviour... By praise "good boy", thanks... "thank you for tidying up" ... We innately/instinctively reward via positive reinforcement/attention from the main caregiver.

I'll go against the grain and say yes, I think you should give her some consequences - there's a rule (don't disturb the baby when she's settling to sleep unless there is a danger) and she's breaking it.
I'd sit her down and tell her that we, the grown ups and older more interesting children, need to collaborate to help the baby to sleep so he can grow and become clever and interesting like she is, and so that we can have a bit of time to ourselves. If she comes in again remind her and do whatever your usual consequence is (I'd go stern look until I get an apology but YMMV - my kids are timid)
Then when you do get baby to sleep go hang out with her and make sure you link it to the baby being asleep 'oh I love baby, but it's much nicer when we can play more complicated games together/ watch more interesting tv, just us isn't it? Thanks for helping by being quiet.'

So are both her parents in the bedroom when shes told to go away?

Great parenting - punishing a child for wanting attention off their parent!

Harsh.

And all you have taught him is his sister is more important than he is a d he's not allowed to tell you he's upset.