To give consequences to daughter for waking the baby

[sleptlikeababydidnt]

I'm probably just tired but dd is 7 and is constantly waking 4 month baby up either by bursting in our room to ask something when we've just put him down despite being told not to come in our room while we settle him or by raising her voice and waking him when he's napping, it's getting beyond a joke.
We have a 5 year old who manages to keep her voice down and not wake the baby who also doesn't come in our room when asked not to.

Aibu to give consequences for waking the baby or is that a step too far and I just need sleep?

Are both parents putting him down for a nap together?

Why doesn't he nap in his own room?

It sounds like your DD is missing out and needing attention. Do you spend 1-2-1 time with her on a regular basis?

Kids are all different, she's feeling the disruption of a new baby more than her sibling - don't compare them

Creeping around and making other kids feel left out is daft.

Also - Is he not meant to be napping near people at that age?

I think that's kinda sad. At 7, our kids were still coming into bed with us at the weekends for cuddles and chats, if she's coming into your room she has some kind of need, whether it's her stated one or not.

Wow - 2 adults and baby in one room and 7 year old on other side of the door not allowed to come in?!

Sounds like she's feeling very left out. Instead of considering 'consequences' try and make her feel more included.

Everyone assuming there are 2 parents around. Do none of your partners work?!? I have 2 kids and regularly have to settle the baby for a nap/bedtime while my partner is working, so not available to parent the older child (she’s 5, so fine with being left alone for a bit). Also once they’re past the newborn phase most babies do need quiet to sleep and it’s not ‘pushing the other child out’ to ask them to respect this.

I’d do the opposite OP, and start rewarding the other one. ‘If you can leave me alone until the baby is settled, you can have X.’ The 7 year old will soon realise her 5 year old is getting rewarded and she isn’t. Unless there are additional needs, it’s absolutely fair to expect a 7 year old to leave you alone while you do this. Unless there’s an emergency of course!

The advice is that they have all sleeps near you til 6mo, not alone in a room.

People are assuming it based on the fact that the OP says "we"

We settle baby
We come downstairs

Baby naps in the lounge and sleeps in our bedroom with us.

Your 7 year old is feeling rejected or insecure. Punishing her won’t solve that. I also don’t understand why it takes 2 of you. Just one parent would be the way forward and love bomb your dd. Catch her doing brilliant stuff, not stuff related to being a big sister all the time. Stuff for who she is. Just her being her.

This is a natural consequences situation, surely.

“You’ve woken the baby up so now I can’t play x with you”

I have a seven year old who never takes no for an answer and can’t wait 30 seconds for anything (and she gets plenty of attention) so I sympathise.

Having said that if the baby is napping in the lounge then I don’t think you’re being very fair on the other kids.

She sounds jealous and put out and she will be with now 2 younger siblings.
At 7 she is old enough to understand not to wake the baby but as a child herself, her own feelings about being excluded will be much stronger than her reasoning abilities.
Give her some responsibility, include her and make her feel like she is helping. To banish her from a room where her parents and new baby are won’t help her deal with this.

But you come downstairs after he falls asleep in your room - so is sleeping alone yes?

Why is it we though surely it isn’t both of you. If it is just you and we is a typo just calmly explain you will be with her shortly bd afterwards give her attention

if it is both one needs to be with the others

One of you is with DD when the other gets the baby to sleep

Step too far. You'd be introducing long term resentment towards yourself and the sibling for short term gain.

At 7 she's old enough to understand "let me get the baby down, and then I can play with you properly". And you then have to honour that (even though I understand just how exhausted you must be!)

She’s 7 and capable of following an instruction. It would annoy me too as its a few mins out of each day.

Baby sling isn’t the answer for everything and I have used one myself. Stop suggesting it. It is not as freeing as people think. I can’t drink a hot drink in one and what if I wanted to have a lie down.

Maybe while you're settling him you could choose that time to have a catch up chat with your 7 year old, or story etc. the calm voices will also be soothing to the baby.

So you settle the baby to sleep upstairs, when creep downstairs with the baby?

fair enough, and if it is the case both parents are with baby I agree that’s unnecessary. I took it to mean that that’s the routine the parents have, with one of them doing that each time, not that 2 of them are doing it each time. If someone asked me how I settle my baby at bedtime I’d say ‘we bathe him, then we feed him, we have stories then we try and settle him to sleep in his cot’ - as either one of us might do that of an evening. We wouldn’t both do it together usually! But perhaps that’s just the way I speak 🤷‍♀️😂

Oh I just saw there are two of you. We always used to have one with the baby and one with the older child at bedtimes.

My baby absolutely would not go to sleep if I was sat chatting with my older child, he finds her voice very interesting. He needs quiet…sometimes even the creak of a floorboard wakes him.

My 13 year old is the exact same and it’s not changed now little one is nearly 2.

little one did get used to it mostly but there are occasions she’s just too loud so I can totally sympathise xx

I suspect it's actually a symptom of bigger issues.