DH sharing dessert with female colleague

[CMaxC]

My DH had a company night out last week. My brother also works at the same company and called me last night to tell me that my DH was sharing a dessert with one of his colleagues. Like they were sitting together eating this ice cream thing with two spoons like they were on a date.

Apparently, he and this women were inseparable all night to the point that people were apparently asking what was going on.

I don’t want to think the worst of the situation but I just wanted to gather some thoughts on whether this is a normal event: I certainly wouldn’t share a dessert with a male colleague - it just feels a little bit intimate. But AIBU? Hopefully I am.

thanks for any advice!

Saliva Spoons mixing in front of other colleagues oh dear.

Urgh.

Were they drunk?

I don’t think so. At least not for him. He isn’t the type to get drunk.

The dessert thing wouldn't bother me especially (unless they were using the same spoon!) but them being "inseparable" all night, to the point people were commenting, would definitely raise some concerns.

As your brother works at the same place, could it be that he knows something is going on between them and is trying to make you aware (without outright making accusations without proof)?

Look beyond the dessert. Their behaviour was enough for others to notice and your brother to think it was over the line.

I have split a cake with a colleague but only because neither of us wanted a whole cake. We did use separate plates though. Not sure I d share an ice cream though...

They have or are planning to have a sexual liaison.

Of course it's off to share ice cream in this manner by double dipping with someone who is just a colleague.

If half was decanted onto his plate that would be different.

But the real issue is the pair of them not mingling with anyone else and preferring the intimacy of each other alone in a corner.

BUT you're only hearing this from your brother who may or may not be a shit stirrer.

Yeah wouldn't be bothered about the dessert (although DP wont even share his dessert with me so that would never happen) but inseparable all night is a worry.

Have you spoken to your husband yet?

But no I wouldn’t be impressed with that.

I will add I have travelled a lot for work and many a time choffed down on a male colleagues dessert but in a greedy pig way rather than I'm imagining sucking on your penis way.

Your brother thought it was worrying enough to contact you. I would listen to that.

Sharing a dessert= affair.
Only on MN.

The dessert wouldn't bother me but coupled with them being inseparable and others talking then my imagination would be in overdrive. I'd have to start snooping. Has he mentioned her before?

It makes me feel very uncomfortable. It shows a close intimacy that screams 'inappropriate'.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I work on the basis that if my DH or I wouldn’t act a certain way in front of the other, then we shouldn’t be acting that way when the other one isn’t there.

If my DH was behaving in such a way that my own brother had to phone me and tell me, I’d be beyond furious with him.

ETA, if your brother has waited since last week to tell you, it sounds like he’s been mulling it over for a while whether or not he should say anything, and has decided he really needs to. I think you might have a problem here.

No, it’s the fact they were inseparable all evening.

I know right. I've had many, many affairs by this theory.

As a pp said there is a subtle but crucial difference between scraping half onto another plate, and both eating from the same dish. Sharing food in itself is okay but the manner in which it is done is the important bit.

I often pass my colleague the bits of my christmas dinner I don't like, I push all my vegetables onto his plate. But that's before we start eating and with clean cutlery!
I have also shared flapjack / chocolate bar type snacks with him, he breaks it in half in the packet then I take my half out. Even that got us described as "cute" last time we did it.

He may have thought spending the evening with her was preferable to having to talk to your brother and the others.

I think there's something intimate (not necessarily sexual) about sharing a dessert like that. I don't mean cutting a cake in half and sliding it onto a separate plate for someone.

But the sharing of bodily fluids (not much but still...) and the physical closeness required to eat dessert together is completely inappropriate. If they are happy to behave that way in front of people, what are they doing when no one is around?

I also wonder why they felt it was ok to do it with your brother around. Hiding in plain sight?

And why did it take your brother so long to tell you? I'm not blaming him but wonder if it's something he's been wrestling with telling you? That says a lot

The fact that people are talking about this suggests that their behaviour was inappropriate .
I personally think that sharing an ice cream with someone implies a level of familiarity .
I would be not be happy with this

I do think the eating from the same plate thing is more intimate...

Being inseparable all night is a bit odd.

Sharing pud, depends how they did it. If they divided it in two and had half each, no biggie. If it was more of a Lady and the Tramp situation, that's not great.

I think it's suspicious