DH sharing dessert with female colleague

[CMaxC]

My DH had a company night out last week. My brother also works at the same company and called me last night to tell me that my DH was sharing a dessert with one of his colleagues. Like they were sitting together eating this ice cream thing with two spoons like they were on a date.

Apparently, he and this women were inseparable all night to the point that people were apparently asking what was going on.

I don’t want to think the worst of the situation but I just wanted to gather some thoughts on whether this is a normal event: I certainly wouldn’t share a dessert with a male colleague - it just feels a little bit intimate. But AIBU? Hopefully I am.

thanks for any advice!

The dessert thing wouldn't bother me especially (unless they were using the same spoon!) but them being "inseparable" all night, to the point people were commenting, would definitely raise some concerns

This. I’ve shared a dessert with a male colleague before. But it was completely innocent between us and we are certainly not inseparable. It’s the sharing dessert with the rest of their behaviour that raises questions.

I wouldn't say affair but it is inappropriate. My boyfriend is very into desserts and I am not - he once shared one with one of our friends and he just asked for another plate.

Years ago, I was the female colleague in this scenario - myself and my male colleague came within a hairs breadth of having an affair OP. It didn't happen but it very nearly did. My relationship ended about 6 months later as it was already dead in the water.

For what it's worth, he was single and I was living with a partner, not married.

I'd say to my brother - are you to trying to tell me something you think I ought to know? But sharing dessert is not a flag in itself and I'd not be bothered by it.

I think it shows a level of disrespect to you if nothing else.

It’s a bit Bella Notte

Fascinated by the voting. I share desserts with colleagues frequently since most of us are trying to control sugar intake but still want to try a nice dessert occasionally. Since I work in a male dominated industry, these colleagues happen to be almost exclusively male. Never thought anything of it. The rest of the behaviour is a different matter but sharing a dessert being considered intimate is something new. You live and learn.

If other people were commenting on their behaviour then yes I would be concerned.
I personally am greedy so would be unlikely to be sharing a desert with anyone but my husband is perhaps more likely to (and will share with my mum if we go for a family meal out) so I wouldn't see that as suspicious.

Inseparable in this case could simply be sitting beside each other and having a conversation. One persons inseperable is another person's being polite.It's very much an opinion rather than a fact.

Ask him outright - 'do I need to worry about you and your colleague?'
If he is kind, concerned, ready to look at his own behaviour, happy to talk openly about his friendship etc. then he is a keeper.
If he gaslights or dismisses you then he probably has something to hide.

I would ask your brother for more info. How is their behaviour in the workplace?

They're behaving in a way that makes people think he might be having an affair. That's a really disrespectful way to behave even if they're not actually having sex IMO.

Did you tuck into the same place though or split it? I've shared deserts with male colleagues but i'd split it first rather than both tuck into the same item

It's not that though is it? Nobody's saying they're having an affair. It's op's husband doing something odd, something that's usually only done by those who are intimately acquainted. And it's drawn attention because they were in a group and it's not the done thing.

I wouldn't share an ice cream with a colleague like that, it would feel inappropriate to me. I'm friendly enough with everyone I work with, but not so friendly I want to cosy up and share saliva.

I've shared deserts with friends before, it doesn't mean I want to shag them.

Unless you have any actual trust issues with your DH I would dismiss it completely as shitty gossip.

The dessert sharing on its own wouldn’t necessarily be cause for alarm but I think that coupled with this “he and this women were inseparable all night to the point that people were apparently asking what was going on” makes it much more concerning. If other people have raised their eyebrows, that means his/their behaviour was inappropriate.

Why can some people on here not be arsed to actually read posts properly?

The OP didn't say her husband and another woman were just sharing a dessert.

Try reading her posts properly FGS!

@CMaxC I would be highly suspicious of your DH and this female colleague. Hiding in plain sight they are. Gross. 😖

It totally depends on the context. I could see this happening in my office if a cake was brought in that for some reason couldn't be split and people grabbed a spoon to tuck in from my team (probably the younger members). But there would definitely be a invisible line that doesn't get crossed.

Pretty much always tuck into the same plate. We always ask for two spoons/forks but not for separate plates. I wouldn’t share ice cream because it’s easy to order just once scoop but if ice cream comes with chocolate fondant, it’s ok. Although on reflection it does seem a bit disgusting (rather than intimate). Gosh, I will never look the same at sharing dessert again

I wouldn’t have a problem with a shared dessert if it was for example split into two plates. It’s the idea of them both eating the same icecream sitting closely together that I have a problem with.

I am also embarrassed that other people have commented on their behaviour.

My DB doesn’t like the other woman so I also have to bear that in mind in that there are some office politics at play.

My DH is away until tomorrow so
will update then after I’ve spoken to him.

Crikey, that's me condemned. I used to get on really well with my boss, more like a brother. We are both happily married and we frequently went out for lunch AND shared a dessert, all by ourselves, without chaperones - shock horror!

My husband goes out with work colleagues regularly and one particular woman eats one potato and claims she is stuffed but often fancies a sweet, but can't eat it by herself and so he shares it with her.

It was most likely innocent because who would be stupid enough to do that in front of his BIL if there was anything to hide! Its not ,like they were salaciously feeding each other is it!

If that is the sum of his suspicious activity, I wouldn't be taking my bat and ball home. I would be asking my brother is ther eis more he wants to tell me and if not, forget it.

not good

Is he away on a work trip?

It’s the whole situation rather than just the dessert sharing. Have you not asked your husband at all? Unless your brother is the type to make things up then this is an issue.

😂

I read the title and thought ‘that’s fine! But thinking about it I’m not sure I’d share ice cream…’