DH sharing dessert with female colleague

[CMaxC]

My DH had a company night out last week. My brother also works at the same company and called me last night to tell me that my DH was sharing a dessert with one of his colleagues. Like they were sitting together eating this ice cream thing with two spoons like they were on a date.

Apparently, he and this women were inseparable all night to the point that people were apparently asking what was going on.

I don’t want to think the worst of the situation but I just wanted to gather some thoughts on whether this is a normal event: I certainly wouldn’t share a dessert with a male colleague - it just feels a little bit intimate. But AIBU? Hopefully I am.

thanks for any advice!

Agree here, op x

My DB doesn’t like the other woman so I also have to bear that in mind in that there are some office politics at play.

this is VERY relevant OP, proceed with extreme caution!

If he wouldn't sit close and share a plate with a male colleague (which I strongly suspect he wouldn't) then he shouldn't be doing it with a female colleague.

Unless the reason he doesn't like her is because he suspects the affair.

Have they amended the wedding vows again?
'Forsaking all others, and especially never sharing food from the same plate during a long conversation'?

In reality, I'm sedate to practically cloistered, a few each of long-term relationships, shorter flings, and fleeting encounters, over many decades. To MN, I'm an insatiable harlot, brazenly gyrating on men and women in public, more affairs than hot dinners. Ach weel. Licks spoon.

I think the people being sneery with their shock horror etc posts are being unfeeling. This is a woman who is clearly worried about what her husband might be up to, it's not the time for sneering comments. Reassure, advise, point out the way it is potentially innocent, suggest where it might not be, but don't sneer.

Your brother is a trouble maker. Unless there is a background to this that hasn't been shared, he's an appalling brother who is stirring up a storm for his own enjoyment.

My DH is away until tomorrow

On a work trip?

Sorry I disagree with the majority.Sharing a dessert sounds perfectly fine I often do that when out with a friend for lunch, different spoons, same plate.
Does your brother have form for stirring the pot?
If they were really shagging or pre shagging they would be more likely to avoid each other in company.

Yeah it’s not ‘just colleagues’ behaviour, sharing food off the same plate is a bit much alright.

I wouldn't share a dessert with someone I was intimate with, let alone a colleague. Separate plates if you want to share.

Sorry, but I think there is something going on to do such a strange (yukky) thing.

Thank you for this. I have been a little bit upset at one or two of the posts.

@TheLargestToblerone - he is away with some friends.

A colleague is different to a friend. The boundaries are different.

The sharing dessert wouldn't bother me in the slightest- the general being inseparable to the point others noticed and commented would definitely bother me.

I'd say nothing initially but I would see that as grounds for snooping (which I normally don't condone) I'd be looking for messages/ emails/ bills/ phone calls anything out of order and then I'd confront. Either with evidence found, or with the fact that this has been brought to your attention and he's embarrassed himself by disrespecting you.

It raised alot of eyebrows so you would be right to be worried.

Peak mumsnet

The brother hardly would have mentioned it if they’d sliced a cake in half and put it on separate plates, would he?

Sharing the dessert wouldn't bother me. I have often shared a dessert ( with someone I wasn't in a sexual relationship with) because neither person wanted a full one or wanted to taste one another's desserts.
I would assume it was innocent , after all he hardly is going to embark on an affair in front of their colleagues and your brother.

People have wondered whats going on, that’s concerning
Sharing a dessert is fine but this is all a bit Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene isn’t it.

The dessert thing wouldn't bother me. I'd share with whoever. I'm a lesbian though and all our friends are women.

The being inseparable and people asking what's going on is the more sus thing here.

Sounds like your brother is trying to warn you. I don't see it as stirring the pot - assuming he isn't a total dick, and has your best interest at heart.
Why didn't you pick it up with your husband the next time you saw him?
Is your husband definitely with friends?

my DB only told me last night and DH was away. He gets back tomorrow. He’s definitely with friends. I’ve seen the photographs of his trip:

Yes, this exactly.

People gossiping and inventing scenarios about entirely innocent behaviour can do incredible harm to the workplace reputation of both parties - but it's usually the woman who bears the brunt of it.

Note that gossips are usually projecting, assigning their own bad behaviour to others. I'd do a quick inventory of DB's integrity first. Maybe also see if anything else is being said, and by whom. Do you trust the judgement, the values, the honesty, the motives, of those reporting to you?

They are good friends and get on well. I’m just confused.