DH sharing dessert with female colleague

[CMaxC]

My DH had a company night out last week. My brother also works at the same company and called me last night to tell me that my DH was sharing a dessert with one of his colleagues. Like they were sitting together eating this ice cream thing with two spoons like they were on a date.

Apparently, he and this women were inseparable all night to the point that people were apparently asking what was going on.

I don’t want to think the worst of the situation but I just wanted to gather some thoughts on whether this is a normal event: I certainly wouldn’t share a dessert with a male colleague - it just feels a little bit intimate. But AIBU? Hopefully I am.

thanks for any advice!

LOL at "saliva swapping".

They are sharing a dessert ffs, not spitting in each other's mouths.

Some people need to get a grip.

I am so sorry OP, he has made a show of himself and of your marriage.

Good decent men do not behave like this.
Completely disrespectful of you and unacceptable.

I would not get over this.
I'm so sorry.

If your brother told you this I’d listen to him. Unless there is a bad history between you and DB or DB and DH what reason would he have to lie about it? What is in it for him to exaggerate the situation?

Sharing a big ice cream like this sounds weird at best and like an affair at worst. Maybe it’s somewhere in between. But either way, your brother and other colleagues picked up on it so it must have looked strange.

There is nothing to lose by asking DH straight what is going on. If he’s got nothing to hide then he’s got nothing to hide. Ask to see his phone. His response will probably tell you everything you need to know.

Sounds like they're sharing more than saliva over ice cream.

I am sorry, this is more intimate than having a one-night stand with this colleague.

This seems a very odd way for your DH to behave in front of your brother. Did DH know your brother was there?

Sharing some food is more intimate than sexual intercourse? That’s a new one on me.

I've shared ice cream (from the same bowl because it's massive!) with many colleagues. I haven't slept with any of them

The dessert is a red herring. Their behaviour is the suspicion

I have done this! But we just chopped the dessert (brownie and ice cream) in half and didn't share any spoons!
We're close but not THAT close! I wouldn't be concerned about my boyfriend doing this at all. I'd be more concerned about the inseparable comment. Not the shared dessert as an isolated event.

Unless your brother is the type to stir things up or you have some reason to doubt him, I'd take this seriously, though my interpretation would depend on how your husband usually is with other people. If he's an outgoing, touchy-feely type who squeezes in and shares a plate or utensil with friends without a second thought, it's likely nothing. (I still wouldn't like it, because I'd find that gross from a hygiene perspective.) But if he's usually fastidious or not that comfortable sitting close to others, it puts this into a completely different light.

As a pp said, most straight men wouldn't be comfortable doing this with a male colleague, so that in itself would bother me. It's not necessarily evidence of a physical affair, but sitting close to another woman, sharing food off the same plate, and attracting the notice of others in the room all point to a level of at least emotional intimacy that I'd find inappropriate and flirting with danger.

I must have had an orgy over Christmas according to this. At one point 5 of us were sharing one bowl 🤣

Don't be stupid.🙄

I’ve shared a dessert with a colleague but because I’m not a grotbag weirdo I asked for a second plate and cut the dessert in half! I feel like sharing is quite an intimate act.

It would be silly of your DH to be so obvious in front of your brother. How do they get along?
I know you mentioned your brother doesn't like the woman, do you know the backstory?

Sharing a dessert not an issue, being all over each other like a rash, issue. If pp were talking about them then I would have the chat.

Jesus, you must really enjoy eating food.

Oh god, I’m shocked at these responses, I’ve done this, shared a dessert off a male colleagues plate. I’d not shag him if my life depended on it. It wasn’t sexual and I’m utterly shocked folks seem to think that’s some sort of foreplay or flirting. I was just eating a waffle.

My boss and I always share a cheeseboard after a meal out. We are definitely not sexually attracted to each other (I’m old enough to be his mum!).

But inseparable all night, not good.

Um what now? I don’t know what kind of sex you have but if it is less intimate that a few spoon fulls of ice cream from someone’s plate then I feel sorry for you, as that’s a lifetime of bad sex right there.

Shocking!! You need to all learn some constraint!

I don’t think so!

Apols, read DB as DP!

I think the dessert sharing thing is merely symbolic unfortunately @CMaxC.

I think the fact that colleagues think there is something afoot and the fact that your brother felt the need to tell you is worrisome. I think the dessert thing was only used for illustrative purposes to perhaps relay just how close and inappropriate their relationship is.

I wouldn't say a thing to my husband yet. I'd speak to your brother again and dig deeper.

I hope you're ok xx

Being inseparable to the point other people notice and wonder what’s going on is NOR the same as being good friends.

Id have an issue with that.

Sharing a dessert as such isn’t an issue I think. But the way you share it (heads were close together vs taking turns) makes a difference.

Friend, you hit the nail on the head.