DH sharing dessert with female colleague

[CMaxC]

My DH had a company night out last week. My brother also works at the same company and called me last night to tell me that my DH was sharing a dessert with one of his colleagues. Like they were sitting together eating this ice cream thing with two spoons like they were on a date.

Apparently, he and this women were inseparable all night to the point that people were apparently asking what was going on.

I don’t want to think the worst of the situation but I just wanted to gather some thoughts on whether this is a normal event: I certainly wouldn’t share a dessert with a male colleague - it just feels a little bit intimate. But AIBU? Hopefully I am.

thanks for any advice!

Intimacy including being comfortable enough to sit close and swap saliva, plus people noticing = potential for affair. Not just on MN, anywhere that people have eyes and brains.

i wouldn't accept this from my own husband as he wouldn't accept it from me either

The sharing the dessert thing wouldn't bother me at all. It happens all the time where I work. I don't think any of us fancy any of the others - we just all enjoy a good dessert.

The being together all the time is another thing, though...

The dessert thing I would not like at all as there is something quite intimate about eating together from the same plate however, I absolutely wouldn't be happy at them spending all the evening together to the point where people were commenting. This indicates there was a boundary crossed.

I wouldn't like to hear my husband had been so close to a female colleague all night that other people were commenting on it.
What woman would?

Odd that this happened last week and your brother only mentioned it yesterday. When your dh is away. Does your brother have form for stirring @CMaxC?

Going halves on a dessert is something that friends regularly do when we're out (I'm not a sweet person so don't usually bother with pud). 2 spoons in the same dish sort of thing. It's never struck me as more than 2 mates saving cash and calories! Obvs different if they're leaning closely into each other over the table and spoon feeding each other, or there's lots of lascivious lip-licking.

Hope your dh is honest with you.

This. I’d think nothing of sharing a brownie, cake or similar with a colleague, cut it in half and job done. An ice cream though, not in a million years.

I'd go apeshit. Enough said.

Sharing the same bowl of ice cream with a colleague is quite intimate and has 'Lady and the Tramp' vibes. Coupled with them being inseparable all evening, alarm bells would be ringing for me.

I think the fact it's your DB telling you this information is enough to be mad.

I wouldn’t share a dessert with a male colleague from the same bowl/plate. Maybe split onto a separate plate, but not 2 spoons one bowl. It is inappropriate & I would consider it disrespectful to my husband. I’ve been married for yonks & have been on many many work events/trips away without my husband. These things can get flirty & I have always been super careful to maintain professional boundaries. I wouldn’t want to give any wrong impressions to anyone, my marriage is too important to me for that. I’d expect the same from my husband.

I wouldn't like the dessert sharing or the excess time spent together.

But, is your husband stupid? Did he not know your brother was there? The fact that he seemed to be flaunting this behavior in front of his brother-in-law makes it seem like it may be more tone-deaf than malicious.

Nice brother to have. Is he always so disruptive?

I would think nothing of sharing food with someone.

I think your DB is a shit stirrer or he’s leaving out some big details to spare your feelings.

You know your brother and if you think he wouldn’t exaggerate things which could potentially end your relationship, then I would trust him and think something more is going on.

If your brother is known to be a shit stirrer and would rather see your relationship in trouble than this woman enjoying herself or something then I wouldn’t believe him.

On one hand you’ve got him saying that others are commenting on their closeness but then on the other hand your DH is fully aware that your DB is there and surely wouldn’t be so blatant.

My opinion would depend on your brothers behaviour normally.

@2025willbemytime I don’t mean awkward in front of the waitress, presumably the couples were being too polite in front of each other, as saying they didn’t want to share that way would make it sound as if they thought it was a disgusting idea or something.
I don’t know, they were older people, maybe they’d only met a few times at boules or something. 🤷🏼‍♀️
it was just awkward to see their discomfort, and a little WTF was the waitress thinking?!

If your gut instinct is telling you there is something odd going on, there probably is. I'm older than you, no ice cream sharing, but my exH spent far too much time engaging with one of his friend's DP. Turned out he was having an affair with her. Looking back I doubted my feelings. I've done this about three times in my life, I wish I had listened sooner-they were never wrong.

This. Unless your brother is a stirrer.

What's all this about swapping saliva? How do people here eat a slice of cake or a bowl of ice cream?

For those of us who use their own spoon in the normal mature method when eating or sharing some food, it's not sexually intimate at all. Certainly not in front of other people who you're related to.

It happens all the time. I've often shared food, pudding, pizza, cheese board, ice cream and yes even a main course which work colleagues I know well. Not with people I don't like or I don't know well. It's called being comfortable around those you're friends with.

Unless they were licking the ice cream off each other, your brother is making trouble (unless there is a massive back story).

It really isn't on.

I once found myself bonding with someone I have known for many years. It was just the two of us, heads together at a social event. Now, I thought nothing of it as we have known each other for ages. His wife came storming over and I was mortified because I suddenly realised how it looked. I quickly withdrew, not least because she was terrifying.

It isn't right to carry on like that with a married person. You can be really good friends you can even be really close while maintaining a reasonable and respectful boundary.

(p.s. I am really pleased to be single as some married women seem to have to be constantly vigilant in case their man gets stolen by some vixen)

Did you ask your DB outright if he thought something was going on between the two of them? Has he discussed it with your DH? Personally I think sharing something like ice cream is a very couple type thing to do together as the dipping in the same dish and mixing saliva implies intimacy. I know many couples who won't do this because of germs. This act alone would give me pause as to why he feels this close to her and has that familiarity. But what I think is worrying is the way they acted towards each other all evening and people were talking and wondering what was going on between them. That is inappropriate behavior at best and can affect his career and ruin your marriage.

I really think some did not read the thread. Her DH and a woman at work were sat off together sitting close sharing ONE dish of ice cream with two spoons. Then they were inseparable all evening to the point that it is now workplace gossip about what is going on between them. It also made her DB uncomfortable to see. Those of you that have no problem with your DH acting this way so be it and crack on. I think most would find this a big issue and it needs to be addressed now. Everyone does stupid things without thinking of the implications and this may just be that. But he needs to know it was out of order and crossing the line.

Would he share an ice cream in that manner with hairy Bob from the loading bay?

Ah. Either, he's shagging her or he wants to. Sorry, OP.

Does your brother have form for shit stirring OP? Sounds like he's trying to make something out of nothing and trying to wind you up! I wouldn't think twice of cutting a desert in half to share with someone if I couldn't manage a whole one.

I'd probably divide it up before we started so we had half each, but more because I'm a fast eater and very greedy so need the boundary, rather than any concern about our spoons touching! 😆

The embellishments from your DB about people noticing/ commenting... are you sure that's not just because your DB doesn't like the woman? If you believe your DH is likely to be heavy flirting in front of work colleges... a shared pudding is the least of your worries!

Hmm this is a bit of an odd one for me. Chopping up a big slice of cake and each taking a section each would be fine- simultaneously scooping from a small mousse whilst licking spoons and gazing at each other- would be an issue.

Get a grip 🙄
it’s the inseparable afterwards that’s the issue