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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Want my abusive violent son out!!

234 replies

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:01

I've had enough!!!
I have not one single person helping me!
My son is 13 almost 14.
He refused school 2 years ago. I am supposed to home school him but he won't do a thing just says no.
He's very violent towards me I don't go most weeks without a bruise
He lies about the most horrid things.
Anything I say he twists
Anything I ask him to do is met with a fook off pathetic fat pig.
He breaks Anything I have tells me it's shit anyway
Xmas day I got him stuff he opened.it and said to take it all back its all a load.of.shit despite it being things he asked for or needed
I have been to Dr's twice who made referrals and apparently each time it's call the family advice... when he was in primary a referral was done due to him attacking me.unprovoked and all these referrals are parental workshops.
I'm not being funny but when do they actually sort out the child instead of just saying oh you need parental course.
I've read.and tried so many different approaches over the years.nothing works.
He's not abused witnessed violence I don't drink use drugs and I've never brought a man home.
I want to walk out but can't ...

OP posts:
username299 · 07/02/2025 13:04

Try Family Lives

Errors · 07/02/2025 13:04

I am sorry you’re in such a terrible position. Has your son ever been diagnosed with SEN?

SillySeal · 07/02/2025 13:04

It sounds absolutely awful and I really feel for you.

Where is your sons dad?

Did all this start 2 years ago and were there any big changes just before this?

What do the Dr's say other than recommending a parental course?

Have you spoken to social services directly?

Is there anyone in your support system who can look after him to give you a break?

Spanglemum02 · 07/02/2025 13:04

Children's services and say you can't manage him any more? Threaten to drop him off at their offices. Police when he assaults you.

FoxtonFoxton · 07/02/2025 13:05

That sounds incredibly difficult. Does his dad have any input in his life at all?
I think you need to contact the GP again and tell them you can't cope anymore and that you feel like walking out. You need real support from social services for both of you.

Rawnotblended · 07/02/2025 13:05

Why are you home educating him? Not that there’s anything wrong with that but it has to be a choice rather than forced on you.

I feel like there’s info missing here.

PoppyRoseBucky · 07/02/2025 13:07

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry.

I don't really know what to say. I don't have any experience of this.

Are you alone with him? Is the father in the picture at all? Any other family?

Has anything happened 2 years ago to trigger his sudden refusal, or has he always been a bit like that and then just escalated at that point?

Honestly, you might not be wrong to contact Children's Services and let them deal with him. Call the police when he gets physically violent. You shouldn't have to put up with this alone.

NovemberMorn · 07/02/2025 13:09

I really sympathise with you OP, it must be a horrible way to live.

I think I would call the police next time he hits you, he has to learn there are consequences to his actions, it might jolt him into treating you with more respect.

Wishboneswishes · 07/02/2025 13:10

Do you have a social worker? If not. Get one. Tell them how desperate you are.
Clearly your DS is at serious risk of offending so there will be things that can be done through the police.
Tell your LA that you can’t home school him as you are unable to meet his needs.
You need to kick up a big stink OP. Call SS, Police, LA until something is done to support your son (and you!) Keep calling them and make a nuisance of yourself.

quoque · 07/02/2025 13:11

Call children's services and ask them where to drop him off because you won't take it any more. They will HAVE to act if you tell them you want to surrender him to foster care because you can't cope and they are not helping you.

Is his father anywhere where you could take him? Aside from whether or not he is interested, I mean is he physically, safely, living in a house with space for his son?

I appreciate that some part of you must love him despite all this, but this is no way to live, and it will only get worse as he grows bigger. 2 years from now he could kill you.

Have you ever called the police on him? I would say start now, but honestly I would contact children's services first and get them moving. Do you know how to do that in your area?

ThatUniqueKoala · 07/02/2025 13:13

Next time he's violent, call the police & have him arrested. Ask for social services intervention. They can give referrals to anger management.

Dramatic · 07/02/2025 13:13

You need to ring the police every time he hits you, do you have other children too?

hideawayforever · 07/02/2025 13:14

This sounds so awful for you OP,
Is his Dad in the picture at all?

I know this might sound daft, but have you sat him down and tried to find out what's going on with him? he must know deep down it's not right to be abusing his Mum.

sometimes people are in the middle of stuff and can't see a way out or other ways of handling things. Would he go to therapy and anger management, if you can get it for him.
I'm sorry you've probably already thought of all this.

Just hope you can get something sorted for both your sakes.
You shouldn't have to put up with this.

ByWaryCrab · 07/02/2025 13:14

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:01

I've had enough!!!
I have not one single person helping me!
My son is 13 almost 14.
He refused school 2 years ago. I am supposed to home school him but he won't do a thing just says no.
He's very violent towards me I don't go most weeks without a bruise
He lies about the most horrid things.
Anything I say he twists
Anything I ask him to do is met with a fook off pathetic fat pig.
He breaks Anything I have tells me it's shit anyway
Xmas day I got him stuff he opened.it and said to take it all back its all a load.of.shit despite it being things he asked for or needed
I have been to Dr's twice who made referrals and apparently each time it's call the family advice... when he was in primary a referral was done due to him attacking me.unprovoked and all these referrals are parental workshops.
I'm not being funny but when do they actually sort out the child instead of just saying oh you need parental course.
I've read.and tried so many different approaches over the years.nothing works.
He's not abused witnessed violence I don't drink use drugs and I've never brought a man home.
I want to walk out but can't ...

Try the Fischer family Trust. They’ll speak to you first. I’m sorry he behaves that way. He’ll soon be sixteen. You don’t have to take that kind of abuse, tell him, either shape up or you’ll have to live elsewhere at sixteen. If he hits pushes or shoves you call the police and get it recorded. Parents can and do put their children in care for this kind of abuse. Tell him you’ll consider that unless he accepts the help you’re seeking and works toward a change of heart. I chin up and act. Good luck

Louisetopaz21 · 07/02/2025 13:19

She needs to becareful about getting into trouble for abandonment of her child as she has parental responsibility.

However you do need to call the police and report each time and press charges as he needs to understand the consequences of his actions abs ask for social care involvement. I agree that parenting course do not always help in certain situations but they will not look at the child being the problem but look at holistically what is happening without blame. Usually behaviours are a form of communication around unmet needs

Original poster
Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:21

Just to add few things

  1. He has never been diagnosed with anything. He is clearly special needs though and shows a lot of autistic traits along with ocd traits
Eg... he only likes few items of clothes Won't give a hug, never thinks he's wrong, talks superior to others, lies, washes hands all Time.as.he says our house is a dirty pig stye (it's not) 2.. yes I was forced to home educate not hiding anything.... at primary it was hard but Hugh school and as he grew impossible. The attendance officer would visit weekly to my home. I was threatened with fines court prison etc and he didn't care just said.oh well not my problem. The officer said they can't keep him on school register him not.going and.coming.out weekly to check his welfare or issue empty.threats so said home.educagion is only option.
  1. With his dad it's complex, he suffers with seizures following a tumour removal which means he cannot have any unsupervised contact.. son refuses to see him as apparently he's dirty abusive and a.druggy.
Almost 2 years ago his nan had him after I had 2 black eyes a tooth knocked almost.out and knife.marks. where he went nuts all over doors. He was lovely apparently for 2.or.3.weeks until he started being abusive to her not letting her watch TV telling her to get up to bed or else etc so she dropped him off and said never again. So it I'd just me and the kids. I have no family myself... my mum died December and she was all I had.
OP posts:
alwaysMakingItsofar · 07/02/2025 13:21

Errors · 07/02/2025 13:04

I am sorry you’re in such a terrible position. Has your son ever been diagnosed with SEN?

and even if he has, how this will help her wanting to be safe at her own home ?????

tippytoesy · 07/02/2025 13:23

This is a really awful situation, and I can empathise.

My advice would be to raise the issue with Children's Social Care. I believe you can put in a referral online. State that you cannot keep him safe (the fact that he hurts you puts him at risk as well). State that you cannot meet his needs. State that his educational needs are not being met. If you have any other children, state that they are in danger of harm.

At your son's age, educational provision should be provided if home schooling is not working. There are other options, apart from home education. These include a PRU or a home tutor from the local authority.

If he has not already got an EHCP, you need to ask for an urgent assessment from the local authority with a view of having one put in place. Your son is not only missing out on education, but he is missing out on peer relationships, social contact and pastoral care.

Contact your GP and tell them the effect your son's behaviour is having on you. Contact the Family Rights Group, they have forums that can help you if you have or are likely to have intervention from social services.

Call the police - if he is assaulting you and/or causing damage in the home, this is a criminal offence. Police involvement could escalate the case.

I really feel for you. Your son is at a really difficult age and both he and you are being badly let down.

Errors · 07/02/2025 13:24

alwaysMakingItsofar · 07/02/2025 13:21

and even if he has, how this will help her wanting to be safe at her own home ?????

Show quote history

If you can find the cause, sometimes this helps to find a solution…
Different types of support she could access for example
Different approaches to managing his behaviour

Do you even really need to ask this question?

Anotherparkingthread · 07/02/2025 13:25

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:21

Just to add few things

  1. He has never been diagnosed with anything. He is clearly special needs though and shows a lot of autistic traits along with ocd traits
Eg... he only likes few items of clothes Won't give a hug, never thinks he's wrong, talks superior to others, lies, washes hands all Time.as.he says our house is a dirty pig stye (it's not) 2.. yes I was forced to home educate not hiding anything.... at primary it was hard but Hugh school and as he grew impossible. The attendance officer would visit weekly to my home. I was threatened with fines court prison etc and he didn't care just said.oh well not my problem. The officer said they can't keep him on school register him not.going and.coming.out weekly to check his welfare or issue empty.threats so said home.educagion is only option.
  1. With his dad it's complex, he suffers with seizures following a tumour removal which means he cannot have any unsupervised contact.. son refuses to see him as apparently he's dirty abusive and a.druggy.
Almost 2 years ago his nan had him after I had 2 black eyes a tooth knocked almost.out and knife.marks. where he went nuts all over doors. He was lovely apparently for 2.or.3.weeks until he started being abusive to her not letting her watch TV telling her to get up to bed or else etc so she dropped him off and said never again. So it I'd just me and the kids. I have no family myself... my mum died December and she was all I had.

Op this is a level of abuse where he could literally kill you or somebody else.

Were police involved when he knocked your tooth out and left 'knife marks' on you?

Do you have other children? I hope you do not.

LostittoBostik · 07/02/2025 13:25

Wishboneswishes · 07/02/2025 13:10

Do you have a social worker? If not. Get one. Tell them how desperate you are.
Clearly your DS is at serious risk of offending so there will be things that can be done through the police.
Tell your LA that you can’t home school him as you are unable to meet his needs.
You need to kick up a big stink OP. Call SS, Police, LA until something is done to support your son (and you!) Keep calling them and make a nuisance of yourself.

Edited

This.

You are able to voluntarily put your child in care. If you cannot meet his needs, that is possible. I'm not saying that's the best course of action for either of you - but making it clear to both him and your social worker that it's a potential outcome should focus minds a little

Halycon · 07/02/2025 13:26

Time to stand up against this, OP.

You're in a tough spot because he’s not old enough to be thrown out and you still have responsibility for him.

Next time he hits you, threatens you or damages any property, you need to call the police. When the come, you tell them that this is a regular problem and that you’re not safe with him at home. Tell them you want him arrested and let them do it. They’ll ask if there’s any family/friend that he can go to instead, but it seems there’s not.

Let him get a fright, feel scared and spend the night with the cops. Do this repeatedly if you have to. And when he’s old enough, get him out. Let him see what the real world is without the “pathetic fat pig” caring for him.

alwaysMakingItsofar · 07/02/2025 13:27

Rawnotblended · 07/02/2025 13:05

Why are you home educating him? Not that there’s anything wrong with that but it has to be a choice rather than forced on you.

I feel like there’s info missing here.

the boy refused to go. You cannot physically shove a child to go to school if they don't want to move their own body. That will assault

Original poster
Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:27

A lot of things offered are only available if child goes or is willing to engage...my son is not. He says no and apparently he says it's his.human right to have his opinion and I or anyone else cannot force him to speak or go somewhere he does not want to go. If he's asked a simple.question he replies I don't think that is any of your business.

OP posts:
iamthedanger · 07/02/2025 13:28

Op - whereabouts do you live?