Want my abusive violent son out!!

[Whatayear2023]

I've had enough!!!
I have not one single person helping me!
My son is 13 almost 14.
He refused school 2 years ago. I am supposed to home school him but he won't do a thing just says no.
He's very violent towards me I don't go most weeks without a bruise
He lies about the most horrid things.
Anything I say he twists
Anything I ask him to do is met with a fook off pathetic fat pig.
He breaks Anything I have tells me it's shit anyway
Xmas day I got him stuff he opened.it and said to take it all back its all a load.of.shit despite it being things he asked for or needed
I have been to Dr's twice who made referrals and apparently each time it's call the family advice... when he was in primary a referral was done due to him attacking me.unprovoked and all these referrals are parental workshops.
I'm not being funny but when do they actually sort out the child instead of just saying oh you need parental course.
I've read.and tried so many different approaches over the years.nothing works.
He's not abused witnessed violence I don't drink use drugs and I've never brought a man home.
I want to walk out but can't ...

Voluntary care I think. I feel desperately sorry for you, none of us are perfect but of course you can’t force anyone into school especially if he’s violent. Ring social services and ask for him to be removed. To be honest it angers me that if you had other children and he was as aggressive they would threaten to remove them but you’re supposed to take it! He is a child and I hope you can work it out with him and him eventually return but I think for now he has to go and they can get him therapy / help.

Good luck.

Get your local domestic violence team involved to support you with safety planning. The police and dv team can complete a dash risk assessment and you can be referred to Marac if you meet the threshold. Police can also put in place measures such as flagging your property when you call so they prioritise you and an emergency button.

When did his dad become disabled?

Did he have regular contact with him prior?

No you’re not, you need them to have the full picture. He is committing assault and it could escalate to unknown levels. They need to know the full truth if you’re going to get any help

You have to call police everytime he threatens u or assaults you
social care will only intervene when police are getting called out constantly

OP look at the fb group ‘Not fine in School’, there’s a lot of us in a similar situation.
Another one is Newbold Hope, although sometimes it’s a wait to get accepted into the group, they add people in one go once every few weeks or so.

Call sendiass for your area. If you haven’t go to the go and ask for a paed referral. Does he have a diagnosis of any kind? It sounds like it may be worth exploring. Pupil referral units deal with children like him. Maybe look up local ones for advice. Also call the school nursing team it doesn’t matter whether he is in school or not they can support you.

Almost 2 years ago his nan had him after I had 2 black eyes a tooth knocked almost.out and knife.marks. where he went nuts all over doors. He was lovely apparently for 2.or.3.weeks until he started being abusive to her not letting her watch TV telling her to get up to bed or else etc so she dropped him off and said never again. So it I'd just me and the kids. I have no family myself... my mum died December and she was all I had.

Are you against putting him in care, @Whatayear2023 ? The concern is he could end up seriously injuring you or one of the other kids and you are not being supported at the moment.

Thanks... every single person from primary high school agencies etc I've always let in spoke to them etc there's nothing to hide from me. I'm not perfect and make mistakes but don't deserve this.
He punched my eldest last year and in doing so broke 2 fingers. There was investigation over that. I asked for counselling then for him as eldest son said move instead of excuse me can you please move so I can get to fridge, so he thinks punching him is OK for being spoken to disrespectfully.

Do you have other children in the house? If so, how old are they?

You are being abused. Please contact these people:

https://www.compass-ion.org/programmes/#:~:text=Who's%20in%20Charge%3F%20is%20a,abusive%20and%20beyond%20parental%20control.

Yes, it’s a parenting course, but I promise it’s a good one. It changed my life.

Your other children are being physically hurt

You witnessed this ?

You asked them to prosecute?

If the police won't act then you need to be on to your MP and police complaints

That means that social services have determined that it doesn't meet the criteria for assessment with them. What about a CAMHS referral? ASC and ADHD assessment? Local authority SEN education team? They should all be engaged.

I'm so sorry OP You have been failed by those who should be there to support you
His violence towards you, and the fact that there are siblings is a safeguarding issue.
I would start with talking to the younger ones schools and ask for safeguarding lead to be involved for their welfare
This just might trigger something there
Call police next time, and every time he starts
Police will refer to Childrens services.. purely because of welfare concerns for your other DC anyway
Your DS behaviour has knock on effect, as you are painfully aware
There will be a duty social worker.
Call everytime he starts.
GP regular appointments for your MH
Just to mention there are social prescribers in most GP surgeries who can support and refer as well
I have been through a similar situation and you really do have to be proactive which is so difficult when you're feeling battered and bruised literally and emotionally I feel for you
Just a few ideas off the top of my head

They don't have a duty to 'house' a child. They have a duty to assess, and that may include accommodating under section 20. But there is no legal duty to accommodate a child just because a parent asks them to, and they certainly cannot accommodate children at no notice.

DV services and MARAC aren't engaged for child to parent violence.

I asked for that at gp last November was told he would make referral and them I got that letter afterwards.

Absolutely do this. {Call police} they can really help nip these aggressive behaviours in the bud.
You are being physically assaulted by your own son.
He is literally behaving like a vile abusive husband, and this behaviour needs to stop.
Boys do need strong {as in like a solid reliable } male role models - he'd probably be happier with discipline {as in boundaries} kids don't like to feel in control.

They do have a duty to accommodate a child in need and if the parent refuses to have the child at their house, the LA has to step in and can be judicially reviewed if they don’t. Section 20 Children Act 1989.

And yes they can do it at short notice. Section 20 says the LA “shall” accommodate which means it’s mandatory, not optional.

Soon life will perhaps give him a kick in the pants. Once he is of working age he’ll have to support himself and make a contribution to the household expenses. If he has a disability there may be support required for you and accountability for him, he’s abusing a very caring mum and the world has strategies and consequences for that. He either needs to shape up or or the world will have him shape up. He can’t hide behind a disability if his behaviour is abusive, he’s in place where thinks he won’t be called to account. He either engages with the help or the consequences of not doing so. Don’t keep trying to cover up. Tell him you’ll be there to help and support but that change must happen because you won’t tolerate his violence toward you. Courage mon brave…

Yeah because its just that easy.

The MASH is nothing to do with CAMHS. You need to go back to the GP and request the CAMHS referral. The GP has referred to children's social services.

In this program about violent kids, one of the mothers was getting no help and she eventually refused to pick her ds up from school and a residential place was found, so I think it can be possible.
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0023db6/spotlight-i-am-not-okay-spotlight

Rawnotblended · Today 13:05
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Why are you home educating him? Not that there’s anything wrong with that but it has to be a choice rather than forced on you

Not if he’s been excluded or refuses school.