To not want to leave my kids for this

[toastwithbutter]

I have (just) 2 year old and a (just) 4 year old. Youngest is still breastfed but we are starting to try to cut it down now and I cosleep with him (no judgement please).

My friends for a while have been discussing a girls trip abroad this summer to celebrate some big birthdays.

I am not sure I want to go - I have never left either of my children overnight and so don't feel overly comfortable going abroad but I can't work out if this is me being ridiculous or not.

Friends seem to think it is utterly ridiculous and making me question myself, I'm feeling under lots of pressure to commit to the trip.

My DH would be fine and is a great dad. We also have another very hands on relative staying with us this summer so plenty of support at home.

I just don't feel like I want to leave my children to go abroad. I don't feel I need a break from them, I cherish our time together and I just feel I want family holidays until they're a bit older.

Also, any advice on breaking the news if I decide not to go?

Yes, I went overseas for a long weekend when my children were a similar age, having never left them before. I felt sick on the train and thought I was going to have to go home, but I didn’t and I ended up having a fantastic time. My friends and I still talk about the trip all these years later. I understand your reticence but I think you should go and see how you feel - you don’t have to go again if you hate it

You don't need to justify yourself op. Your feelings are completely reasonable and valid. I wouldn't have gone either at that age/ stage. I wouldn't have judg d anyone that did but it just wouldn't have been for me.

I personally dont think it is super healthy to have not had a night away from your eldest at 4

What's not healthy about being with your young children?

At the end of the day, it's your choice.

But IMO, too many women neglect their friendships and then wonder why they're lonely and with no support network. You never see men doing it.

In a good way.

Too much pressure to be an absent parent.

Babies are born and they're sleep trained from a few months old. I'd hate to live like that.

Don't succumb to peer pressure if it's not a trip you want to go on. I think there is too much pressure these days for girl trips and hen weekends. If I were to go away, it would be with DH for one night, not friends abroad for a week.

Stick to your instincts.

In your position I would definitely go . Don’t wait for an emergency / necessity to have a night away from them . Hopefully this will never happen but it will be much more stressful for everyone if the kids first night away from you is due to a hospital stay or similar.
Don’t make it sad and go on about how much you will miss them. It’s good for your kids to see you having fun with your friends! Also good for them to be confident and have a positive time with dad.

I have a 14/11/9 year old daughters, I still feel like this! And I’m not an anxious person at all, they are just my favourite people and I also feel no need for a break.

but I make myself go and the saying goodbye is heart wrenching.

once I’m away, I totally detach and have a great time and come back bonded with my friends and so pleased I went xxx

There is no right or wrong.

Personally I would go, I enjoy the odd night away from my child and I do this without feeling any guilt. My son either gets one on one time with his dad , or he gets to spend the night at his nans house, who he adores. He's 5 now and he is always asking for sleepovers at his nans house and gets really excited to go. I'm happy he can feel safe at a relatives and I think this is because he has had opportunities to stay there from being a baby.

However, if you don't want to go, then that's absolutely fine and your friends shouldn't be putting pressure on you, that's not fair. Stand your ground if you don't want to go.

I understand OP. I have left my kids to go away in the UK but don’t feel comfortable being in a different country to them. I think we are in the minority (well at least compared to my friends and family) but that doesn’t make it wrong. Everyone has to do what’s right for them.

For me it wouldn't be about the bf

I work, and i get 25 precious days of annual leave. I want all of that time with my children. 5 days spent in marbella with the girls is 5 days less with my kids. They see little enough of me as it is.

My son is 6 next month and I won’t leave him for more than a night, and that’s when he’s sleeping down MILs which he loves. I’ve been asked to go to a hen weekend in the summer and I can’t even think of going for 3 days, 2 night. Nope! I know it’s weird. Many of my friends have gone away for up to a week! No judgement, I wish I wanted to, but for now it’s a no. I would rather go away with him, and I’m not particularly maternal! I won’t apologise for how I feel and neither should you.

Don't go

You don't want to

Not unreasonable at all. We all parent differently. I have a BF toddler and there's no way I would leave her even overnight at this point. She'd miss me too much as she BFs to sleep and I'd not enjoy myself as I'd be worrying. Who cares what your mates think? Real friends would understand. Do what's right for you and your little ones. They're only little for a short time.

How many nights away would it be?

Wow just read they are pressuring you to stop BFing. These are not real friends. Definitely don't do the trip.

And I really don't think it's weird not to do overnights apart from your kids. It's a very personal decision.

Only the family matters
You can always find new friends

I have done this @toastwithbutter and regretted it 😔
Mine was nearly 4 and my mum came over to care for her. My mum said DD was confused and didn't quite understand why I wasn't there and when I'd be back. She was too young to follow and was miserable. I was too and felt really sad about having been away for both of us. I had previously left my older DD at this age for a bit and she had been fine and so was I. I think it depends on the child and how you feel. In your shoes I'd not go.

Just don’t go. You don’t want to.

There's only been one trip I didn't want to go on. I was still breastfeeding my youngest, he was 7 months. I was forced in to it as it was my sil hen. I absolutely hated every second and wished I hadn't gone. If you don't want to go, don't go. It doesn't matter if anyone else would love the break, you don't want it so just stay home.

I went abroad for three nights when my two were that age (youngest still breastfeeding too, but not masses, just at bedtime), for something I very much wanted to do. I was SO anxious in the run up to leaving, and whilst I did enjoy myself I was also a bit of an emotional wreck. Another year on and the prospect of going away for multiple nights seems much easier.

Going against the grain here but I think it's good for their dad to have them for a few days and good for kids too. Of course, if you really don't want to go then you shouldn't go. If you're still breastfeeding, then maybe it's better to wait until your youngest is a bit older and you've stopped feeding.

This is a good idea @toastwithbutter ?

Don’t give it a second thought. You do what you want to do. My DC are 8 & 6 and I have no inclination to leave them to go away with my friends. I would choose DC over friends 100 times over.

There is no way I could spend a night away from my two year old- you are not the only one who feels like this. If you don't want to go, then don't go. It really is that simple.