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DH behaved horribly on his birthday

889 replies

RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 09:23

Long post - It was DHs birthday recently and his behaviour on the day itself was awful. The day before he had been picking fights and escalating arguments then decided his birthday had been ruined.

The day itself - in the morning I made him a coffee and wished him happy birthday. I said let’s have a fresh start today and he’s got lots to look forward to. He still insisted the day was ruined.

Got the kids ready for school, made another coffee and said to him let’s drink this then if you like you can open all your cards and presents. He said - well I’m starving, I need to eat, I thought you would have organised a special breakfast before (!) the kids went to school but nothings been done. Now DH literally never eats breakfast, he doesn’t eat until 1pm and always says how breakfast is pointless. He mentioned how much fuss I give the children on their birthday mornings and make homemade pancakes, eggs etc. (Yes I do and only when they are off school) He said he would have to go out for breakfast now. Nothing has been organised for him. (He drove me to the point of lunacy where I ended up screaming into a pillow!) So basically we were going for a 3 course meal at 12pm so I was taken aback that he wanted to go out for a cooked breakfast. He got up and announced that he would have to make do with a McDonald’s breakfast, am I coming or what? Not to rock the boat further I joined him.

Came home, laid out all his gifts and cards, balloons, banners etc. I have never seen anyone look more miserable opening presents before. A couple of the clothes I bought him he instantly said no I can’t wear that, I hate the feel of them. Made fun of a book I ordered him (it was a self published book) and generally looked underwhelmed. (I spent quite a bit on him)

Drove to the meal - we were quite early and we passed a supermarket on the way. He said - am I going to have to buy my own birthday cake then? He knew it had been sorted but I couldn’t say too much as it was a special cake. He then moaned that there was nothing in the house to eat that evening, no cream and ice cream to go with the cake, no treats, nothings been done. He asked are we having an evening buffet and I said no, we are having a big meal and lots of birthday cake, I didn’t think he wanted a big buffet too? (He knows he’s having a separate party soon in our house with a big buffet) He stormed into the supermarket saying nothings been done and he would have to sort everything 😠

Meal -he had a face like a slapped arse when we walked in (meeting family) family asked me what was up with him. He sat in silence for most of the meal saying that nobody was bothered to talk to him, glared at me saying I was ignoring him (I was happily chatting to his family and making an effort to dispel the weird atmosphere. His family asked what we were doing tonight and he looked me dead in the eye and said well nothings been organised. I said we were doing something in a few days at home(buffet etc) He didn’t mention that and made out I wasn’t bothered to organise anything. He bucked up a bit when the cake came out and looked happier.

Evening - our kids watched him open his other gifts (from friends and family) he was dismissive of most of them and again made fun of the gifts I bought him (he refused to give me any ideas or hints about what he might actually want) Our kids said OMG Dad, you are so ungrateful! Mum (and others) has spent all this money on you and you should appreciate all your gifts. He moaned that i hadn’t put a banner on our front door.

Eventually, late into the evening he thanked me for all the gifts and wanted to cuddle up on the sofa. He also asked - are you going to do a loving Facebook post wishing me a happy birthday? Am I fuck! Essentially he acted like a gigantic entitled knob. His excuse was that he goes into a black hole on his birthday due to him being estranged from his Dad and not receiving a birthday card etc.

His behaviour was so awful and twattish that it made me feel physically ill. I honestly feel like he is driving me towards a nervous breakdown.

OP posts:
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HoppityBun · 06/02/2025 09:25

He’s behaving like a spoilt child OP. Tell him to get over himself or pack his bags.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 06/02/2025 09:26

I don’t understand how this post is even possible. Surely it’s illegal to be married to a 5yo?

healthybychristmas · 06/02/2025 09:26

How can you bear to live with him? Is he always like this? How does he treat you on your birthday? How does he treat the children?

SpringBunnyHopHop · 06/02/2025 09:26

He’s a pathetic cunt and a man child. Does he go to great lengths on your birthday?

SUPerSaver721 · 06/02/2025 09:27

Is he like a 2 year old on all his birthdays? He sounds awful. I couldn't stay married to him at all. Does he make a fuss on your birthday or the children's?

JustWantsSomeSleep · 06/02/2025 09:27

Oh God I know this person. Not your partner mind. Just don’t bother in future he doesn’t sound worth the effort.

Narcissisticflipflop · 06/02/2025 09:29

Wtf have I just read?! He’s bloody awful he’d be getting eff all for his next birthday the ungrateful dick.

Devilsmommy · 06/02/2025 09:29

Yeah I wouldn't be doing fuck all for his birthday again. What a twat. When even your kids are so aware of it that they feel they have to say something, you'd think he'd tone it down. Oh and the piece da resistance, cuddling up to you on the couch at the end of the day like he thought you'd be giving him a birthday bedroom treat🤣 using his estranged dad as an excuse is ridiculous, he's not 4 years old 🙄

ThatsNotMyTeen · 06/02/2025 09:29

Aw tell him to fuck off. What a childish wanker. Take his presents back and treat yourself to something nice instead.

Woppa · 06/02/2025 09:30

IS THIS REAL?!?!!? This is possibly the most hilariously pathetic story I've ever read on mumsnet, and the bar is low.
His excuse about his dad is bullshit btw - as I hope you know.

Woppa · 06/02/2025 09:31

ThatsNotMyTeen · 06/02/2025 09:29

Aw tell him to fuck off. What a childish wanker. Take his presents back and treat yourself to something nice instead.

100%. Return all his presents.

Halycon · 06/02/2025 09:31

If my DH acted like this (on any day of the year), I think my vagina would permanently seal shut.

What an absolute turn off, a tantruming man child.

rwalker · 06/02/2025 09:32

I couldn’t even engage with shit like that

tbh it’s probably instilled behaviour some parents treat birthdays like the second coming of Christ and these children turn in to adults like this round birthdays

loveyoutothemoonandtosaturn · 06/02/2025 09:32

If this is real then WOW. My hubby is happy with a new shirt and a Colin the caterpillar cake! As am I. This is pathetic

RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 09:33

healthybychristmas · 06/02/2025 09:26

How can you bear to live with him? Is he always like this? How does he treat you on your birthday? How does he treat the children?

He treats me well on my own birthday but there’s a pattern of him behaving badly around his own birthday.

OP posts:
Haveyouanyjam · 06/02/2025 09:34

My husband is estranged from his family and can find milestones hard - dad never bought him a card either, but is always really appreciative of the effort we go to for him and it’s not half of what you have done! Fine for him to find birthdays hard or be a bit down in spite of the effort made, not fine to act like a spoiled child and acting completely ungrateful. I hope you have clear words with him and he apologises to you and your children for being so terrible. Imagine one of your kids behaved that way, I bet he wouldn’t be happy.

Justalittlehandhold · 06/02/2025 09:35

Make sure next birthday of his, you’re separated.

I don’t think I’ve ever read of an adult acting so unbelievably ungrateful or rude.

Berlinlover · 06/02/2025 09:35

I find it hard to believe this is real, although I know from reading Mumsnet that adult birthdays are a much bigger deal in the UK than they are here in Ireland. If it is real your husband sounds like a fruitcake.

RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 09:35

loveyoutothemoonandtosaturn · 06/02/2025 09:32

If this is real then WOW. My hubby is happy with a new shirt and a Colin the caterpillar cake! As am I. This is pathetic

It’s definitely real! He behaved very badly around Fathers Day last year (I posted about it and how awful he was)

OP posts:
BeSharpBee · 06/02/2025 09:35

If you're still together next year, give him his wish. Do fuck all for his birthday so he can really enjoy his shitty attitude.

Rachmorr57 · 06/02/2025 09:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SUPerSaver721 · 06/02/2025 09:36

Tell him if he can't wise up and act like an adult on his birthday or fathers day, you won't acknowledge them at all.

TheaBrandt · 06/02/2025 09:37

Dear god this would be funny if not so awful for you.

Cant help but think about the lonely people I meet through my work who would be thrilled with one birthday card they are lovely but end up with no spouse children or friends. And this twat behaving like this with all that’s done for him !!!

mallorytowers8282 · 06/02/2025 09:37

"Came home, laid out all his gifts and cards, balloons, banners etc."

Jesus Christ.

What are you doing, OP? This man behaves like a 5 year old, stop enabling it.

How could you ever have dec with him again after this behaviour?

What a massive turn off.

Justalittlehandhold · 06/02/2025 09:37

@RainbowStriped on reflection I think something else is going on. He was trying his hardest to make you lose your temper and get angry with him.

Why?

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