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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Possible final straw with DH

292 replies

BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 16:14

I have name changed for this because I'm so embarrassed.

My DH went out with the lads last night, i don't know what time he got in as I was already asleep. This morning my alarm went off for work and I noticed the room smelt absolutely foul. I couldn't work out where it was coming from at first and thought the dog had messed in the house. I pulled the covers back and to my absolute horror, DH had fallen asleep next to me with no pants on and the bed was filled with what I can only describe as fecal confetti. I was absolutely repulsed and really really upset that he had got himself into such a state that this could happen.
As if things couldn't get any worse, the bathroom looked like it had been pebble-dashed - up the walls, over the edge of the bath, on the towels. I'm disgusted by him.
I didnt clean it up and he was still comatose when i left for work. He has texted me around midday wishing me a good day at work as if nothing has happened.
I don't want to go home and i don't even know where to begin discussing this with him,
WIBU to stay at a friend's tonight?

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 05/02/2025 17:45

Twaddlepip · 05/02/2025 17:40

“If the house isn’t spotlessly clean, ideally with a new mattress on order and no trace of what you did last night, I am not coming home.”

That would be my response too, although I would probably still dump him because I couldn't bear to look at him again.

orangegato · 05/02/2025 17:47

Surely you can’t fuck him ever again? Least of all in that bed. Yeah no.

The not mentioning it would remove any doubt that I’m leaving him.

LoveRicePudding · 05/02/2025 17:50

TBH, I'm not sure about ending the relationship but this would be a final stop before a T-junction.

Wendolino · 05/02/2025 17:51

The dirty bastard. If he can't handle booze he should stay in and stay sober.
I'd stay away for a week and issue a final ultimatum.
(Fecal confetti is a brilliant description).

TheAmusedQuail · 05/02/2025 17:56

Absolutely don't go home after work. Straight to friends. Radio silence with husband.

If he wants to live like he's existing in Trainspotting, let him fester in his mess. Return home for clothes when you know he'll be out.

Original poster
BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 18:00

thank you for the replies.
I still havent gone home but DH has text me saying that he has a 'stomach bug' (yeah right). He claims it must be the curry he had with the lads last night.
He does have form for getting very drunk with the lads.

I say it's the final straw as just before christmas I found some messages he had been sending to a woman on an escort site. He says that nothing actually happened and they were just chatting and i think I believe him but the part that really grossed me out is that she was older than his mum. He said it was just a bit of fun but it made me wonder if he has some kind of old lady fetish. I could understand more if it was a pretty young model type, although i still wasnt ok with it, but why a woman in her 80s. This has brought all of that back up as i'd managed to brush it under the carpet. I'ms o confused.

OP posts:
Porcuporpoise · 05/02/2025 18:02

Oh dear God @BestMumAva just ditch him!

TheAmusedQuail · 05/02/2025 18:03

Stay at your friends for a few days @BestMumAva. It'll give your head time to adjust.

I'm not in the LTB school generally, although that's a Mumsnet default. But how do you continue a sexual relationship with a man who wants sex with the very elderly and sprays faecal matter around your home?

SlightlyJaded · 05/02/2025 18:03

I would reply

I'm not really okay, no.

Waking up in a bed full of actual shit and then rushing to the bathroom only to find it covered in shit, is probably one of the worst things I've ever experienced to be honest. I feel physically sick and can't stop seeing/smelling the horror of this morning, and I also feel repulsed by the fact a grown man - my husband - was so drunk that he reduced himself to that.

I don't really want to come home and certainly won't even think about it unless I know that there are new fresh sheets on the bed (and the others have been disposed of at the dump), the mattress has been scrubbed with soap, the room aired and the bathroom deep cleaned.

So please let me know when that's sorted and we'll take it from there.

No promises though.

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 18:03

Sorry OP but that's the line every guy who gets caught talking to escorts trots out : " nothing happened".
I would be very sceptical that he is telling you the truth.

Confusedandscare · 05/02/2025 18:03

Even the fact he got that drunk on a Tuesday night!
the rest is just horrific. If your marriage has any chance he needs to stop drinking permanantly and immediately

OrlandointheWilderness · 05/02/2025 18:04

Oh god that's vile. He'd be gone.

I don't know much about coke taking... is this a thing it causes?!

2025ohdear · 05/02/2025 18:04

Seriously, what are you expecting people to say? Stay, get married, oh what a catch.

Your DH has been sexting and 80 year old and going and getting so drunk he shits everywhere.

Come on. Wake up.

LBFseBrom · 05/02/2025 18:04

LTB

Threewheeler1 · 05/02/2025 18:05

Oh he gets worse.
I'd be saying goodbye forever.
He has no respect for your feelings or intelligence (stomach bug my arse...) and you deserve better.
Exercise your free will and elect to leave this self-serving lump behind x

Bestfootforward11 · 05/02/2025 18:05

This sounds really gross. And talking to an escort just for fun with he is with you? To me that shows little respect for you. Not something I’d be able to accept.

jeaux90 · 05/02/2025 18:05

He's lying and you know it. Absolutely disgraceful.

Could not be with a man like that let alone ever have sex with him again, just fucking grim.

SlightlyJaded · 05/02/2025 18:06

Just seen your update

Cheating bed shitter? No thanks.

Have a very rare (from me) LTB

TheAmusedQuail · 05/02/2025 18:07

SlightlyJaded · 05/02/2025 18:06

Just seen your update

Cheating bed shitter? No thanks.

Have a very rare (from me) LTB

Granny fetish / gerontophilia, cheating bed shitter no less! He's hitting all the bases.

2025willbemytime · 05/02/2025 18:07

What are you confused about?

shellyleppard · 05/02/2025 18:08

Op he cheats on you, covers your bed and bathroom in shit and you still can't decide whether to leave him or not??? Give your head a wobble love and LTB!!!!

BIossomtoes · 05/02/2025 18:08

After that update I really don’t know why you’re confused. I’d never want to set eyes on him again.

BigSkies2022 · 05/02/2025 18:08

Oh, my god! It doesn't sound like you have children? Honestly, I wouldn't be contacting him again except to say 'I'm divorcing you on the grounds that you are a disgusting cheating bed shitter, and I shall be putting exactly those words in my divorce petition. I want out of this horrible marriage you dirty twat.'

TomatoSandwiches · 05/02/2025 18:13

BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 18:00

thank you for the replies.
I still havent gone home but DH has text me saying that he has a 'stomach bug' (yeah right). He claims it must be the curry he had with the lads last night.
He does have form for getting very drunk with the lads.

I say it's the final straw as just before christmas I found some messages he had been sending to a woman on an escort site. He says that nothing actually happened and they were just chatting and i think I believe him but the part that really grossed me out is that she was older than his mum. He said it was just a bit of fun but it made me wonder if he has some kind of old lady fetish. I could understand more if it was a pretty young model type, although i still wasnt ok with it, but why a woman in her 80s. This has brought all of that back up as i'd managed to brush it under the carpet. I'ms o confused.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Fuck him off op.

Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 05/02/2025 18:13

Please just get rid!