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AIBU?

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Original poster

Possible final straw with DH

292 replies

BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 16:14

I have name changed for this because I'm so embarrassed.

My DH went out with the lads last night, i don't know what time he got in as I was already asleep. This morning my alarm went off for work and I noticed the room smelt absolutely foul. I couldn't work out where it was coming from at first and thought the dog had messed in the house. I pulled the covers back and to my absolute horror, DH had fallen asleep next to me with no pants on and the bed was filled with what I can only describe as fecal confetti. I was absolutely repulsed and really really upset that he had got himself into such a state that this could happen.
As if things couldn't get any worse, the bathroom looked like it had been pebble-dashed - up the walls, over the edge of the bath, on the towels. I'm disgusted by him.
I didnt clean it up and he was still comatose when i left for work. He has texted me around midday wishing me a good day at work as if nothing has happened.
I don't want to go home and i don't even know where to begin discussing this with him,
WIBU to stay at a friend's tonight?

OP posts:
Henbags · 05/02/2025 18:32

What the hell have I read? He shits the bed after going too far with drinking and chats up women in their 80s online.

Definitely end it.

WhatColourIsThatBalloon · 05/02/2025 18:34

Yep. Let this be the final straw OP.

morbidd · 05/02/2025 18:34

TheAmusedQuail · 05/02/2025 18:03

Stay at your friends for a few days @BestMumAva. It'll give your head time to adjust.

I'm not in the LTB school generally, although that's a Mumsnet default. But how do you continue a sexual relationship with a man who wants sex with the very elderly and sprays faecal matter around your home?

God that made me chuckle but you are so spot on!

pointythings · 05/02/2025 18:34

Tell him to clean it up. Tell him to replace the mattress on next day delivery out of his own money, ditto the towels. See how he reacts.

If he habitually gets drunk to this extent, I'd reconsider the relationship - that isn't a healthy relationship with alcohol.

Seriouslynonono · 05/02/2025 18:35

no no no no no, no.

Daleksatemyshed · 05/02/2025 18:36

He's drinking far too much and /or he's taking coke. This is not the man you want to be a role model to your child

bringmorewashing · 05/02/2025 18:36

This cannot be serious? What does he bring to the relationship that makes up for... any of what I've just read? If this is real OP run for the hills, or better yet, kick him out!

Iaminthefly · 05/02/2025 18:36

Jesus Christ.

Gets that drunk he pebble dashes the sheets and bathroom. Looks up and chats to escorts (and they all say it was only chatting. There's a strong chance he's actually paying sex workers)

He's vile. Get your child away from this man.

Why is your three year old at grandparents for a week though?

Trumptonagain · 05/02/2025 18:37

He said it was just a bit of fun

Lovely to know that if you ever decided to have a nosey on sites of other men you need not worry about what your DH may think as I'm sure he would take it as you having a bit of fun too.

FoxtonFoxton · 05/02/2025 18:37

After the escort updates, for me, it would be the end. I'd guarantee it wasn't a stomach bug or dodgy curry. He's been so hammered (or coked up) that he can't control his bowels. Do yourself a favour and end it. He's a liar at best, a cheat, escort user and druggy at worst. Hope you're messaged back telling him to clean up. That's all I'd be able to bring myself to say at the moment.

Threewheeler1 · 05/02/2025 18:38

You must actually be heartbroken about his behaviour OP.
He is treating you so badly. It isn't you, it's him - he sounds like a dirty, self-serving pig.
I agree you need time away and use the time to plan an exit for you and your DC. What's the housing arrangement - can you get him out? x

Shetlands · 05/02/2025 18:42

Your husband is a drunkard who messes the bed and has an old lady fetish?

I've deleted the dreadful thing I just wrote (dark sense of humour) but will say instead that if this is real then nobody is going to advise you to stay with him.

SilvieBear · 05/02/2025 18:43

Yeah, have one from me too.
LTB + 1

edit - that was in response to @SlightlyJaded who said:

Just seen your update
Cheating bed shitter? No thanks.
Have a very rare (from me) LTB

(for some reason the quote didn’t quote)

BeWorthyLemonLemur · 05/02/2025 18:46

BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 16:14

I have name changed for this because I'm so embarrassed.

My DH went out with the lads last night, i don't know what time he got in as I was already asleep. This morning my alarm went off for work and I noticed the room smelt absolutely foul. I couldn't work out where it was coming from at first and thought the dog had messed in the house. I pulled the covers back and to my absolute horror, DH had fallen asleep next to me with no pants on and the bed was filled with what I can only describe as fecal confetti. I was absolutely repulsed and really really upset that he had got himself into such a state that this could happen.
As if things couldn't get any worse, the bathroom looked like it had been pebble-dashed - up the walls, over the edge of the bath, on the towels. I'm disgusted by him.
I didnt clean it up and he was still comatose when i left for work. He has texted me around midday wishing me a good day at work as if nothing has happened.
I don't want to go home and i don't even know where to begin discussing this with him,
WIBU to stay at a friend's tonight?

I imagine when he woke he was equally horrified. I sense a note of him not knowing what to say. If it’s out of character id feel more forgiving but still be horrified at the impact. I’ve heard of this after people (so called mates) spiking drinks and food. It may just have been the volume of hooch. If you feel the need to stay away it’s up to you but I imagine it wasn’t done on purpose. I’d be making sure that was never happening again and if a new mattress was needed etc including all the laundry. I’d want to check he was ok though sounds like a bowel apocalypse! Can I just commend you on your story telling though. You had me in stitches… the layers of desperate revelation… I feel for ya!

FreeRider · 05/02/2025 18:46

Ilikeadrink14 · 05/02/2025 17:22

You don’t want children because ‘you don’t want to clean up after them’?? What are you like??

Show quote history

Not wanting to deal with someone else's bodily fluids was on the list of the thousands of reasons why I didn't want/didn't have children. Having children isn't mandatory, you know.

I also don't want to have to clean up after another capable adult, either. If, god forbid, my partner ended up needing that type of help later in life I'd pay someone who is willing to do it.

Anyway, I'd get rid OP. That's beyond disgusting, and not even acknowledging what he's done is adding insult to injury. He must think you are a dumb blind idiot with no sense of smell...

Bananalanacake · 05/02/2025 18:47

I thought you were going to say he'd puked all over the carpet but this is worse. Does he get this drunk often.

DorothyStorm · 05/02/2025 18:47

Ask him if he has cleaned the bed, washed the sheets and cleaned the bathroom.

Then ask yourself where your line is. It wasnt arranging sex with an elderly pensioner. It doesnt sound like it is shitting all over you, the bed and the bathroom.

why is your three year old away for a week?

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/02/2025 18:48

Wingedharpy · 05/02/2025 18:22

Are there many 80 year old women on escorts sites?

I actually stumbled across something on TV, a news programme (not sure which one as I dip into every channel's news and am inclined to channel-flick IYSWIM), yesterday or the day before, where a woman in her 70's was being interviewed about just this scenario - she has 2 or 3 clients a week, it supplements her income.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 05/02/2025 18:49

Possible stomach flu? Lots of winter viruses are doing the rounds. Also, could be something more serious, bowel related. Best to see G.P. Not nice for you to wake up to. I’d hate that so much.

Seriouslynonono · 05/02/2025 18:49

Cheating bed shitter? No thanks.

😆

C'mon OP - no-one is going to say anything other than this.
You know what you have to do.

Merryoldgoat · 05/02/2025 18:52

It’s rare, but I truly don’t know where to begin with this thread.

Shetlands · 05/02/2025 18:53

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 05/02/2025 18:49

Possible stomach flu? Lots of winter viruses are doing the rounds. Also, could be something more serious, bowel related. Best to see G.P. Not nice for you to wake up to. I’d hate that so much.

What's the virus that makes a man get horny for 80 year old women?

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 05/02/2025 18:53

Oh! Just seen the bit about the escort! Noooo! Maybe cocaine related then. Goes hand in hand. Sorry love.

Babybaby2025 · 05/02/2025 18:53

That's vile. My husband has a stoma so I have woke up to the occasional accident, so it's not the shit that grosses me out, it's the idea that he can get himself so drunk that he can shit everywhere and not care. It would make me concerned what other vile / disinhibited behaviour he's capable of while drunk

InternationalColossus · 05/02/2025 18:58

Assuming for the moment that this is true — obviously you need to leave him. He does not care about you, is not a safe person for your child to be around, and is repulsive.

Think about the values you want to
model to your dd. Self-respect should be one of them.

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