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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I so rude???

243 replies

Mulberrypie · 05/02/2025 15:54

I am a new mum so looking for your opinion on what happened to me the other day. I am a single mum of a 4 month old baby who doesn't sleep much. Don't get much help, which is fine and when my baby sleeps I can get some mental brake. Was waiting at the till in Home Bargins and there were 2 ladies extremely loud, laughing and jumping flirting with the cashier, who was giving them bags for free... My wee one just managed to fall asleep so I thought it will be ok to ask for them to keep it the noise down. What a backlash I have received... both ladies shouting at me that I am soooo rude, joined by the cashier. I explained that I only asked politely and there is no need to get upset but was told not to take my child onto the shop... I get that, I wouldn't if I had another option. I left and was crying all the way back home. I think due to being exhausted and also the fact that I asked 2 mature ladies hoping they would understand... Maybe I was in wrong? This really bugs me... What would u do?

OP posts:
Getitwright · 05/02/2025 15:57

I feel for you OP. Sadly the demographic found in Home Bargains is possibly the issue here. I’m astonished daily at how unthinking, downright awful some folks can be around poor behaviour and a lack of understanding around others.

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 15:58

Yabu to tell people to be quiet in a public area.

Having said that, you are a new mum and it is exhausting and overwhelming so go easy on yourself. It can feel like the worst thing in the world to have your baby woken.

But on a positive note, the more noise your baby is exposed to, the better they will become at sleeping through anything!

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 15:58

Getitwright · 05/02/2025 15:57

I feel for you OP. Sadly the demographic found in Home Bargains is possibly the issue here. I’m astonished daily at how unthinking, downright awful some folks can be around poor behaviour and a lack of understanding around others.

What demographic is that?

UrbanFan · 05/02/2025 15:59

Why oh why are so many women so loud! Poor you and I bet you are tired. You encountered some horrible selfish people who have no consideration for anyone else around them. I bet other people in the store wanted them to quiet down too.

Report the cashier to the manager or write directly to Home Bargains head office. Plenty of people would like that job. You have every right to take your child to the shops. Do they think you should leave them home alone.

And they weren't 'ladies'.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 05/02/2025 15:59

Whilst I don’t think you were rude, I do think it’s unreasonable to ask people to be quiet in a public place. They shouldn’t have shouted at you but they were ‘within their rights’ to say no to your request.

username299 · 05/02/2025 15:59

They were flirting and jumping for free bags?

Nationsss · 05/02/2025 16:03

UrbanFan · 05/02/2025 15:59

Why oh why are so many women so loud! Poor you and I bet you are tired. You encountered some horrible selfish people who have no consideration for anyone else around them. I bet other people in the store wanted them to quiet down too.

Report the cashier to the manager or write directly to Home Bargains head office. Plenty of people would like that job. You have every right to take your child to the shops. Do they think you should leave them home alone.

And they weren't 'ladies'.

This.
Why is it that some women have to be loud and screechy.
I absolutely would report to customer service of home bargins.
You were trying to pay for something.
So rude of THEM.

Dotjones · 05/02/2025 16:03

YABU to tell people to be quiet in a public place and not expect that there is a real chance of a backlash.

Think about it. Someone who doesn't care about how their behaviour affects others is probably consistent in that trait. If they don't care about shouting at too high a volume, they most likely won't care about putting someone back in their place if they are challenged.

What you experienced was a lower level version of asking a group of teenagers to stop shouting/swearing/blaring their music out on a bus. You can try, but have to expect a bad reaction.

Unfortunately bad social behaviour isn't the domain of teenagers anymore. Adults and even pensioners have grown up believing all that matters is THEM.

Heronwatcher · 05/02/2025 16:03

Sorry YWBU. Sounds like they were just having a bit of fun. If it’s that important to you why didn’t you just do another round of the shop away from them until they’d paid?

Moonnstars · 05/02/2025 16:04

Some people just don't simply care.
I would be tempted to complain to home bargains and point out their staff giving out free bags, but not sure whether they would be that bothered.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 05/02/2025 16:05

I really feel for you but you can’t ask people to be quiet in public.

Is there anyone you can reach out to for support?

Clarice99 · 05/02/2025 16:06

UrbanFan · 05/02/2025 15:59

Why oh why are so many women so loud! Poor you and I bet you are tired. You encountered some horrible selfish people who have no consideration for anyone else around them. I bet other people in the store wanted them to quiet down too.

Report the cashier to the manager or write directly to Home Bargains head office. Plenty of people would like that job. You have every right to take your child to the shops. Do they think you should leave them home alone.

And they weren't 'ladies'.

Aren't women allowed to be loud/laugh in public? What's selfish about speaking loudly and laughing in a public place where silence isn't mandatory?

What does this mean - And they weren't 'ladies'.

Are ladies defined by their airs and graces, ability to STFU in shops, not answer back when asked to keep the noise down in a shop?

If the OP is lacking in sleep and her baby is tired, that's her problem, not customers in a shop who can laugh/speak/shout as they wish.

Heronwatcher · 05/02/2025 16:07

bad social behaviour

FFS they were having a joke with the cashier, not stoning kittens. And it was a shop, not a library/ mausoleum.

Do we seriously want a world where people can’t have a bit of a laugh for 5 minutes and walk around shops eyes down without making a sound? I don’t. These sorts of interactions are a huge part of daily life and literally their entire social experience for some.

VainAbigail · 05/02/2025 16:07

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 15:58

What demographic is that?

Edited
Show quote history

Overspenders

like me

Clarice99 · 05/02/2025 16:09

I can't believe the sexism on this thread.

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 16:10

It’s fine to ask people to keep it down. It’s also fine if they say no. But there is no need to be rude, and it sounds like the only people who were rude is them.

Id definitely be complaining to Home Bargains about the cashier’s attitude

BeaAndBen · 05/02/2025 16:10

Sorry, OP, YABU.
I understand you were relieved that your baby had fallen asleep and are overtired. However, you can't ask people chatting and laughing in a shop to keep it down because you've taken a sleeping baby to the checkout.

If you are out and about with your baby, you have to expect people will be living their (frequently noisy) lives. If you need it to be quiet, stay home at nap time. If you're doing your shopping you must expect it to be a noisy environment.

I hope the baby starts napping more regularly for you - that phase is exhausting.

Grapewrath · 05/02/2025 16:11

yabu to ask strangers to be quiet in a busy shop or in any public spaces. They didn’t need to be rude but if I was asked to be quiet in public to accommodate a baby’s nap, I’d be annoyed too tbh

FrenchandSaunders · 05/02/2025 16:13

I think the fact that you're so sleep deprived is affecting this ... I remember being like that when mine were tiny. It makes you irrational ... and it is irrational to asking people to be quiet in public. Hope his sleep improves OP.

Frangela · 05/02/2025 16:15

Jackiepumpkinhead · 05/02/2025 15:59

Whilst I don’t think you were rude, I do think it’s unreasonable to ask people to be quiet in a public place. They shouldn’t have shouted at you but they were ‘within their rights’ to say no to your request.

This.

I do absolutely get it, though. DS never slept as a small baby, and I used to leave a note out on the door for the postman during his very occasional daytime naps saying BABY SLEEPING, PLEASE DONT RING — LEAVE PACKAGES BY DOOR. Only once it blew away, and the poor man rang the doorbell, startling DS awake into screams, and it was all I could do to calm down and remind myself it was in no way his fault before I answered the door.

(He was the nicest man, took one look, said ‘It gets better, I swear’ and until DS was about three used to sneak onto the lane on tiptoe!)

FoxtonFoxton · 05/02/2025 16:16

Yes, you were being unreasonable, but in your sleep deprived state it's understandable. If you didn't want them to wake your baby you should have stepped out of the queue until they had left. You can't go to a shop and expect people to whisper. Don't worry about it, there's no need to cry. It's just a few strangers. Move on and forget it.

DUsername · 05/02/2025 16:19

SpringBunnyHopHop · 05/02/2025 16:05

I really feel for you but you can’t ask people to be quiet in public.

Is there anyone you can reach out to for support?

Yeah, this basically. And I absolutely understand how you go to the point where you asked - I've been there myself..sleep deprivation is all consuming.
I remember opening my door once and yelling at a couple of scrap men who'd noticed some scrap metal on my drive and decided to take it. They were yelling and laughing at each other right outside my living room window, I'd just walked for 40 minutes to get my baby to sleep and he was in there in his pram.
I flew out the door and shouted at them. They looked terrified and pretty much tip toed away the poor buggers!!!
I look back and laugh now, you will one day too. Although I'm sure it feels a long way off.

GrannyWeasel · 05/02/2025 16:20

Try not to dwell on it OP. If they'd had an ounce of common decency, they would have seen that you were tired and stressed and would have sympathised with you rather than kicking off. Unfortunately, a lot of people are aren't interested in making things easier for others.

You're doing a great job. It will get easier.

SaltyPig · 05/02/2025 16:21

They did nothing wrong and don't know you. A till in a busy shop would be the last place I'd go with a sleeping baby. You say you had to in there, really?

JudgeBread · 05/02/2025 16:21

Getitwright · 05/02/2025 15:57

I feel for you OP. Sadly the demographic found in Home Bargains is possibly the issue here. I’m astonished daily at how unthinking, downright awful some folks can be around poor behaviour and a lack of understanding around others.

Cunts exist in Fortnum and Mason and Waitrose too mate, being rude and thoughtless isn't reserved only for the lower classes.

(They were rude OP and whilst I don't think you were rude, it is unreasonable to ask people to be quiet in a public place if they weren't doing anything rowdy enough to have them kicked out of the shop. It would've been kind of them to say yes but totally reasonable of them to say no, if more politely)