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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I so rude???

243 replies

Mulberrypie · 05/02/2025 15:54

I am a new mum so looking for your opinion on what happened to me the other day. I am a single mum of a 4 month old baby who doesn't sleep much. Don't get much help, which is fine and when my baby sleeps I can get some mental brake. Was waiting at the till in Home Bargins and there were 2 ladies extremely loud, laughing and jumping flirting with the cashier, who was giving them bags for free... My wee one just managed to fall asleep so I thought it will be ok to ask for them to keep it the noise down. What a backlash I have received... both ladies shouting at me that I am soooo rude, joined by the cashier. I explained that I only asked politely and there is no need to get upset but was told not to take my child onto the shop... I get that, I wouldn't if I had another option. I left and was crying all the way back home. I think due to being exhausted and also the fact that I asked 2 mature ladies hoping they would understand... Maybe I was in wrong? This really bugs me... What would u do?

OP posts:
PreciousMahoney · 05/02/2025 17:06

What happens when the Bing Bong goes over the microphone with the inevitable loud announcement about sprouts being reduced to 60p or 25% off clothing?

Shops are noisy places, can't be precious about noise. But no excuse for their snarkyness.

notacooldad · 05/02/2025 17:07

I think you were out of order tbh.

I also think that if it had been a time when you were fully recharged and didn't have a little baby you would have just rolled your eyes at this situation. It's just that when you are so tired and weary everything seems amplified.
Let it go and get as much rest as possible.

I'm laughing at the sneery posts about the Home Bargain's demographic. Just before Christmas I bumped into our director ( local authority) there with his wife. They were buying stocking fillers for the grandchildren. As the wife said, 'you've got to love a bargain!'
HB has been a revelation to me since we had one built in our town!

frazzledbutcalm · 05/02/2025 17:08

ERthree · 05/02/2025 17:06

I would expect people to have a bit of decorum but obviously that is too much to ask of some.

Show quote history

Hahahah course 🙄🙄😂😂😂

mrsm43s · 05/02/2025 17:08

Gosh, how unreasonable of them not to realise that the whole world revolves around your baby?

Seriously, it was quite an unreasonable ask. If you want peace and quiet for your baby to sleep (not actually something I'd advise - but your baby, your choice), then the onus is on YOU to take the baby to a quiet place, not to go to a place that is naturally noisy and try to tell everyone to be quiet.

Magnastorm · 05/02/2025 17:10

mrsm43s · 05/02/2025 17:08

Gosh, how unreasonable of them not to realise that the whole world revolves around your baby?

Seriously, it was quite an unreasonable ask. If you want peace and quiet for your baby to sleep (not actually something I'd advise - but your baby, your choice), then the onus is on YOU to take the baby to a quiet place, not to go to a place that is naturally noisy and try to tell everyone to be quiet.

Nah.

If you are out in public being a loud arsehole, you can't expect everyone to just put up with it. There are limits.

Maybe OP was a bit on edge because of the situation but still, if people are being complete twats in a shop or on a bus or whatever other people have every right to call them out on it.

Bestwishes23 · 05/02/2025 17:12

If it happened as you describe, then they were incredibly rude. However, you can't expect to police noise levels in a public place; for that YABVU.

Scar88 · 05/02/2025 17:17

No you weren't being unreasonable. It's not something most people would have said but still not unreasonable.

They were though, people with the lack of social awareness to be quite happy making a tit of themselves and holding up a queue. I hate people who are loud in public it's so performative.

Getitwright · 05/02/2025 17:18

Magnastorm · 05/02/2025 17:10

Nah.

If you are out in public being a loud arsehole, you can't expect everyone to just put up with it. There are limits.

Maybe OP was a bit on edge because of the situation but still, if people are being complete twats in a shop or on a bus or whatever other people have every right to call them out on it.

Show quote history

@Magnastorm would you like to come shopping with me😁

Chuchoter · 05/02/2025 17:20

Shrieking women are awful, I agree.

However, you were in a public space and they weren't nasty shouting, just shrieking and laughing so the sensible thing to do would be to leave the queue and take your pram away from the noise.

Nonbio46 · 05/02/2025 17:21

So it’s ok to be loud ( and annoying) because you’re out in public? What about the many threads about people watching/ listening on speakers on their phones being inconsiderate? It’s just as inconsiderate as these two people who sound really annoying. I hope you’re ok op. X

willowbrookmanor · 05/02/2025 17:22

Getitwright · 05/02/2025 15:57

I feel for you OP. Sadly the demographic found in Home Bargains is possibly the issue here. I’m astonished daily at how unthinking, downright awful some folks can be around poor behaviour and a lack of understanding around others.

Wow.

PreciousMahoney · 05/02/2025 17:22

I saw Gloria Hunniford in Home Bargains.

Should have told her off as its not her demographic

ExercicenformedeZ · 05/02/2025 17:22

BeLilacSloth · 05/02/2025 16:43

You don’t really go up to people in a shop and ask them to keep the noise down🙄🙄

Why not? What happened to not behaving like a total yahoo in public? It's a shop, not a pub or club.

ExercicenformedeZ · 05/02/2025 17:23

Nonbio46 · 05/02/2025 17:21

So it’s ok to be loud ( and annoying) because you’re out in public? What about the many threads about people watching/ listening on speakers on their phones being inconsiderate? It’s just as inconsiderate as these two people who sound really annoying. I hope you’re ok op. X

Agreed. I'm sure that if these 'ladies' had been on their phones or playing music, all the people who say that the OP is BU would be on her side.

heroinechic · 05/02/2025 17:25

No you weren't being rude. It's pretty bad etiquette to be loud out in public anyway so I take a dim view of them. I'd probably make a complaint about the cashier joining in bashing you. Totally unprofessional.

There are few things more frustrating than someone waking your sleeping baby unnecessarily.

ginasevern · 05/02/2025 17:25

@Magnastorm
"if people are being complete twats in a shop or on a bus or whatever other people have every right to call them out on it."

But what definies "complete twats"? OP is naturally very sensitive to noise at the moment in case it wakes the baby. Been there, done that! But you can't tell complete strangers in a public place to stop having a giggle or a bit of a mess around because of your baby. The only way I'd do that is with potentially dangerous anti-social behaviour, then only if I thought it was safe to do so.

VoodooRajin · 05/02/2025 17:25

Could you order online

ItGhoul · 05/02/2025 17:27

You have every right to take your child to the shops

You do have every right to take your child to the shops but you have absolutely no right whatsoever to expect other shoppers to be quiet because your baby's asleep.

OP, I appreciate that some people are annoying, but asking strangers in a public place to keep the noise down so your baby doesn't wake up is, indeed, rude and entitled. Your world naturally revolves around your baby. That doesn't mean everyone else's has to revolve around it too.

I get that you're tired but I suspect that in years to come when you'll probably have a couple more children and will no longer be a new mum to your first baby, you will look back on this and laugh about this as a PFB moment.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 05/02/2025 17:28

I don't think you were unreasonable to politely ask and they were extremely rude in their response. It isn't a public place like a park or town square, it is an indoor space owned by Home Bargains and people should use their indoor voices when they are indoors.

Clarice99 · 05/02/2025 17:28

Chuchoter · 05/02/2025 17:20

Shrieking women are awful, I agree.

However, you were in a public space and they weren't nasty shouting, just shrieking and laughing so the sensible thing to do would be to leave the queue and take your pram away from the noise.

What about shrieking men? Or is it just women who should keep the noise down in public?

PreciousMahoney · 05/02/2025 17:28

ExercicenformedeZ · 05/02/2025 17:22

Why not? What happened to not behaving like a total yahoo in public? It's a shop, not a pub or club.

Show quote history

I don't disagree about screeching folk, but shops are just noisy by default......toddlers .meltdowns, babies crying. woman behind in the queue coughing her lungs up.....bing bong announcements, you can be reasonably behaved but if you bring a baby it's kind of unreasonable to expect it to be a quiet place. Women were snarky so also unreasonable (and rude) though.

Magnastorm · 05/02/2025 17:29

ginasevern · 05/02/2025 17:25

@Magnastorm
"if people are being complete twats in a shop or on a bus or whatever other people have every right to call them out on it."

But what definies "complete twats"? OP is naturally very sensitive to noise at the moment in case it wakes the baby. Been there, done that! But you can't tell complete strangers in a public place to stop having a giggle or a bit of a mess around because of your baby. The only way I'd do that is with potentially dangerous anti-social behaviour, then only if I thought it was safe to do so.

Well, that's why I said "there are limits" and made allowances for the OP being overtired and stuff, so maybe she might have overreacted - understandably so.

But if we take it at face value that these 2 ladies and the cashier were being extremely loud and disturbing her sleeping kid/ other shoppers etc, what's the issue with saying something to them? Being out in public doesn't give people the right to disturb other people.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 05/02/2025 17:30

Shops aren't public spaces. They are privately owned by the business and the business's employees can refuse to serve people or ask them to leave if their behaviour is unpleasant, such as shouting at other customers. The cashier let you down here OP.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 05/02/2025 17:37

Obviously the "demographic" is of us peasants wanting to pay less for our detergents 😁
Professional people also shop there, they are also allowed to get their laundry goods fer cheap 😂

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 05/02/2025 17:37

Here’s the thing. The ladies wouldn’t have known your back story so while it indicates why you did it what they will see is just another women telling them to be quiet in a public place.

YABU because your needs don’t outweigh other people in a public place having a laugh. I would agree with you totally if it was a library or quiet area.

You took your baby to a large shop and then were surprised there was noise? Babies will sleep through almost anything (except tiptoeing iI the stairs to check on them 😂).

I get you are exhausted and it’s a lot and have been there (have a hubby but he travelled for work) but it doesn’t give you the right to tell others to be quiet in a public place.