Was I so rude???

[Mulberrypie]

I am a new mum so looking for your opinion on what happened to me the other day. I am a single mum of a 4 month old baby who doesn't sleep much. Don't get much help, which is fine and when my baby sleeps I can get some mental brake. Was waiting at the till in Home Bargins and there were 2 ladies extremely loud, laughing and jumping flirting with the cashier, who was giving them bags for free... My wee one just managed to fall asleep so I thought it will be ok to ask for them to keep it the noise down. What a backlash I have received... both ladies shouting at me that I am soooo rude, joined by the cashier. I explained that I only asked politely and there is no need to get upset but was told not to take my child onto the shop... I get that, I wouldn't if I had another option. I left and was crying all the way back home. I think due to being exhausted and also the fact that I asked 2 mature ladies hoping they would understand... Maybe I was in wrong? This really bugs me... What would u do?

I can imagine how annoying this was. I have had three babies so can completely relate to how much you want them to sleep.
You really can't ask strangers to pipe down in a shop in order to facilitate it. Home Bargains or any other large, busy shop is really not a place where you can expect to operate the volume control. Going there is your calculated risk to take. It's your responsibility.

Asking them to "keep the noise down" isn't polite btw. It's disapproving and quite rude. That's what they would have reacted to.

I absolutely get how you would have felt OP, I have a DD who is 21 months and was a terrible sleeper/napper up until about 18 months (and still is on occasion!). I used to feel like I was walking on eggshells when I was out with her in the pram and she’d FINALLY gone to sleep, and I lost count of the amount of times I was sat in a cafe or walking past people who were incredibly loud, and in my head I was screaming at them ‘please, for the love of god, keep it down, it’s taken me 2 hours of fight and she’s FINALLY asleep!’ However, I never, ever said anything, these were just thoughts in my head. The simple fact of the matter is, you can’t police the way people behave in a public setting. As shit as it is for you when you’re exhausted and with a baby who isn’t sleeping, the women didn’t actually do anything wrong, outside of being irritating and rather inconsiderate. I absolutely understand how you feel though. I remember when I was at the worst of it, I genuinely contemplated going outside and asking the workmen doing construction work on the house next door if they could pause their work for half an hour as I’d finally got my daughter to sleep in her cot after a huge fight. I didn’t…but I really wanted to!

I take it that you politely asked them if they could be a little quieter, rather than "told" them, as some posters here seem to apply.

It was fine of you to ask and it would have been equally fine for them to refuse. It was, however, not fine for them to start shouting at you for making a polite request.

They were rude, not you. I would complain to the shop.

Fair enough. But it depends what qualifies as extremely loud. The OP thought they were but she's a tired new mum. I'm sure other shoppers hoped they'd put a lid on it too, but was it enough to censor them? Home Bargains isn't a library, a church or a cinema. Apart from actions that are clearly wrong (vandalism, cruelty, violence etc) how far do we actually go in calling judgement on what's acceptable and what isn't?

FREE bags!!! Is that even allowed 😂

I was on a train full of pissed up football fans "celebrating" complete with beer and chants then one fell over my pram and realised there was a baby sleeping and young children in the carriage he quietened down and shushed his friends up I didn't need to ask (and tbh my youngest is fairly bomb proof AFTER he falls asleep) but they did it anyway not wanting to wake a sleeping baby

It's just a kindness ffs

Well, yeah, it of course depends on what qualifies as extremely loud in the place you are. Different places will have different criteria.

The point was, that if someone isin a shared space with other people, you don't have the right be an obnoxious twat as some people seem to think.

Men don't don't tend to shriek but some women shriek so loudly it makes your ears bleed.

As much as I hate loud screeching in public you don't get to control peoples' behaviour. You can ask nicely but you should expect a reaction. Your baby trying to sleep isn't something they were or should have been caring about. But I'll cut you some slack as you are a new mum and still getting to grips with things. When you're in that phase you think the whole world revolves around your newborn and it doesn't. This is one of those situations where you just have to put up with it.

I get it too. DD2 hardly ever napped as a baby and I can still remember the day I got her to sleep after hours of crying (she had awful colic) and ten minutes later next door began drilling and woke her up. She wasn't the only one in tears.
Unfortunately life is noisy and while you can ask people to quieten down they usually won't. They were unreasonable to be so rude to you though and the cashier needs customer service training.
You probably won't believe me but it does get better. DD2 is 16 now and rarely awake before midday on the weekends.

What an utterly bitchy comment!

I can guess what demographic you mean!

Maybe that's why the ops really pissed off haha

Women talking loudly, and getting free bags … maybe ring 111.

Mt friend if loud when we are out, she’s partially dear, she has every right to talk and respond.

So has spelling!

What do you mean by “we all know”, do enlighten us.

Mind you, if it’s an insult, then OP is also included presumably?

I get it, I really do.

But you weren’t reasonable to ask them to be quiet.

Oh come on....you can't go out in public and ask people to keep the noise down! How did you seriously think that would work out?

It doesn't sound like you were asking them to be quiet, more that you were asking them not to make such a racket. I've no idea why people think it's socially acceptable to be so loud. No ones ears want to be assaulted by that kind of noise. These women sound common as muck.

What demographic is that then? 'Shopper'? 🧐

Because anything else would be bloody rude!

@Mulberrypie
You weren't rude. I have insomnia so I know how you were feeling. Don't worry about it. Things will get better.
People are rude to me all the time in my job. To my face, in Emails. Once in some official documents I found a completely fabricated incident about me. I don't take any notice at all. It's just a matter of practice, you are lucky you still get upset!

You had no right to ask this, but this isn't an excuse for the women and cashier shouting at you, given that you asked politely. If it had been me at the queue making a noise, I'd have been embarrassed but whether I apologised or pointed out (calmly) that that this was a shop, not a library, would depend on my mood at the time.

So, both you and they were in the wrong, but they were more in the wrong because they were rude to you, while you had been unreasonable but polite.

I'm sorry you have had this experience, op. They all sound awful, loud, stupid and vulgar. I can't bear that sort of thing (& I'm an old lady).

Put it behind you now, it's over and done with. Perhaps shop somewhere else, there are nicer places I'm sure.

Maybe you and the OP could move to Afghanistan where women are only allowed to speak in a whisper.

Last weekend a man halted in the entrance of M&S to audibly howk up a massive gurgling ball of phlegm, only to then shoot it out on the ground with a splat, exactly where people walk in and out.
Never seen anyone do that at Home Bargains. Revolting.