Best friend angry at my government benefits

[mumof1x99]

My best friend asked me a couple of times how much money I get on benefits (I get universal credit, carer's allowance, child benefit and DLA for my child)

We generally have a very open friendship but I avoided the question a couple of times because I felt a bit uncomfortable answering

She spun it in a way that her cousin was applying for DLA for her disabled child and wanted to know what extra she could get etc

I ended up telling her and now she's been ignoring me for a week. She said it was ridiculous that I get pretty much twice as much as her full time job etc

I understand the frustration but it's not my fault, I simply claim what's out there for me to claim. I'm a single mother to a disabled child

AIBU? How can I make this right?

Did you have anything helpful to say, or was that it?

If she's resentful about money for your child with disabilities, then she's an utter twat.

Avoid like the plague.

You don't need to make anything right. If you are making a legitimate claim then you take what you are entitled to.

Would she rather have your life?

We've been friends for over 10 years 🫣 had our children at very similar times during COVID etc. honestly I'd say we are very close, I think that's why I feel so upset and want to make things right, but at the same time I feel annoyed because I haven't really done anything particularly wrong!

OP, it is appalling that people on benefits can be better off than people who work but that’s not your fault and your friend is being a dick. I can understand her annoyance with the system though.

How can you make what right? You've done nothing wrong. You're claiming what you're entitled too

She's the one with the problem.

TAAT?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5267963-friend-earns-as-much-as-me-on-benefits

I don't know. Maybe I should have just lied and said a smaller number, it's not particularly like she'd know. I do understand the frustration but I'd much rather my child be healthy, able-bodied etc and be in a full time job!

I'm not sure what TAAT means but my thread and that thread have no relation. It's just, seeing that thread inspired me to get some advice about my own situation

Never divulged type of stuff. Your friend shouldn't have pushed you on it, she's nosey. Practise saying 'I don't really feel comfortable talking about what I do and don't get'.

I know you would prefer a healthy child, please don't feel bad. My dsd (lives in supported living) gets more in benefits each month than I earn too, but i would prefer she wasn't severely disabled so don't begrudge the money she gets

You don't she's not a friend
I have a severely disabled child and we also get DLA ,UC I would give it all up in a heartbeat for having a chold without disabilities.

The OP has a disabled child. She's getting a carers allowance and DLA for her child. You dont get those easily I'd say she deserves every penny.

I'm sure she'd much prefer to be out working full time if it meant her child was well

@AmpleRaven so what are you saying? You think I'm that friend of the other thread? 😂 my situation isn't even the same as that person

That person has 2 kids, gets 2k a month and is getting IVF at 48 lol. I'm a 25 year old single mother to a disabled 4 year old and I get more than 2k.

Your friend is posting about you on another thread 😂.
I once had a school mum friend turn on me over the post year 2 free school meals. She found out you have to earn less than 7000 a year and basically accused me of fraud because I obviously work too much. I tried explaining to her that if they qualify in reception it lasts till year 6. But apparently her iq was too low to understand that and I must be a liar and a fraud. People are weird

She's a twat. Ask her if she'd prefer to swap your disabled child for her presumably healthy one.
I can't believe how angry this has made me. Most people on benefits are not doing it for fucking fun.
Tell her to fuck right off with her judgy attitude.

@Kindofembarrasing haha no, that's not my friend. I saw that thread and it just gave me the idea to talk about my own situation, since I'm on the other side of it! I've been thinking about making a thread for a couple of times but I'm new to mumsnet

What can you say to her OP? It is patently unfair (unfair to you that your kid is disabled; unfair to her that benefits pay better than work).

She needs to hate the game (the government) and not the player (you).