Best friend angry at my government benefits

[mumof1x99]

My best friend asked me a couple of times how much money I get on benefits (I get universal credit, carer's allowance, child benefit and DLA for my child)

We generally have a very open friendship but I avoided the question a couple of times because I felt a bit uncomfortable answering

She spun it in a way that her cousin was applying for DLA for her disabled child and wanted to know what extra she could get etc

I ended up telling her and now she's been ignoring me for a week. She said it was ridiculous that I get pretty much twice as much as her full time job etc

I understand the frustration but it's not my fault, I simply claim what's out there for me to claim. I'm a single mother to a disabled child

AIBU? How can I make this right?

Well you could be 'better off' as well; but you'd have to take the disability or the disabled child that goes with it.

No it fucking isn't, because the majority of that money will be her disabled child's entitlement (which she would get for them even if she worked full time!) not for her to fanny about sitting on her bum. What an obnoxious comment.

Yes I think I might message her as give her some advice. I know she hasn't been the nicest but I wouldn't want to throw away a decade long friendship over this. I think next time I just need to 'read the room' a bit more and a little white lie probably doesn't hurt!

Never tell anyone how much money you have.

100% this

She's not upset at you, she's upset at the system.

I don't think it's fair that people get their rent paid, no one pays my mortgage apart from me. And I also don't think it's fair that rents are so ridiculously high that people need the help to begin with.

It's also unfair that if you're a single person with no children, you get absolutely fuck all, even though you can't afford to live whilst working full time.

Don't need to white lie, just say you're uncomfortable talking finances and would you like a choccy biscuit or a digestive with that tea? Move on swiftly!

Darling no don't message her ! You have a disabled child if someone's response to the money you get isn't "is that all you deserve more" then they are a horrid person , just because her husband is in prison doesn't mean she's got a right to be an armhole (didn't want to get filtered) .. find a group for parents with disabled children and find a friend that can empathise with what your going though x

Someone who resents a disabled child being entitled to money to make their life a little bit easier is not someone you want as a friend.

You know that she’s being unreasonable, OP.

If she’s never behaved this way before and given your updates about her DH recently going to prison, she’s probably lashing out because she’s stressed and worried about how she’s going to manage financially.

If she calms down and apologizes, you could suggest that she speaks to the CAB to see whether she’s entitled to help. But she definitely needs to apologize to you.

She's being a dick to be ignoring you, as a pp said, it's not you she's upset with it's because she feels it's not fair.

In some respects I do understand that. When my dc were young I had a friend who was a single mum, and I was a single mum with two dc, but worked. She told me how much she was claiming and it worked out that she had a lot more disposable income than me, even though I was in a good job working full time.

But now 15 years later she's in an almost minimum wage job and renting whilst I've almost paid off my mortgage and looking at a healthy retirement. So it is swings and roundabouts. Your friend needs to understand this and look at the long term financial benefits of working full time, plus you have a disabled child and I know, no one would trade more money for a healthy child.

Saw your update-don’t message her @mumof1x99! She needs to apologize to you.

Huh
well no, nobody pays your mortgage because it's your asset. But if you're out of work and on benefits for a certain amount of time, you can get help with the interest, just not the capital. If the government didn't pay rent for people who can't afford to pay it people would be homeless, and that's a far more expensive problem to solve. I agree regarding cost of renting. And single people can claim benefits, why do you think they get fuck all? Obviously they don't get as much as people with children, because children have the right not to live in destitution.

That poster does it on a lot of threads. There was one recently and they just kept hounding the OP with post after post picking apart everything that was said

Not sure this is a real thread tbh, but I've seen comments on here saying it's ridiculous that a benefits can be more than a job's earnings etc

As someone who works, I'm very happy for a single mother of a disabled child to get given more money than I earn 🤷‍♀️ why on earth would I resent that?

Yes of course it needs to pay to work generally speaking to encourage people out of unemployment, but specifically where disabilities are involved what kind of psycho do you have to be to think "oh they should have money, but not quite as much as me"

Anyone who is jealous of someone else's disabled child is a bloody c*nt. How low can some people sink? I would cut her off. she isn't your friend. At least she showed her true face.

there is nothing for you to make it right. She can make it right by apologising.

It is not appalling at all. Not when there is disability involved.

If you are disabled and cannot work, you should be fully supported with a good quality of living, not left in poverty. You should get the same or more than people in full time work because disability often makes life more expensive.

If you have a disabled child and cannot work due to their care, then you should be fully supported. Or should disabled children all be thrown in a group home and parents sent back to work?

You can't.

You get what you need for your circumstances and if she begrudges you that she's not a friend

Yup.

I didn't get Carer's Allowance because I was fortunate enough to have savings when my late husband had his stroke. I did get Carer's Credit (my NI paid for me) for the two years after I retired early when his condition deteriorated. DH also got Attendance Allowance.

I'd much have preferred having my husband healthy and being in a situation where I could work until 60 and retire with my full work pension.

@StormingNorman specifically said "better off". All people in work are as entitled as those not in work to have a good quality of living surely?

Want to swap your circumstances for hers?

She has a disabled child that's why she gets what she gets.

If she gets £100k because that's what it costs then I don't bloody care

She's not sitting on her backside because she can't be bothered.

I doubt her life is a walk in the park and she's swanning off to the Maldives on the money

What?

She's just aghast, not goady!