Best friend angry at my government benefits

[mumof1x99]

My best friend asked me a couple of times how much money I get on benefits (I get universal credit, carer's allowance, child benefit and DLA for my child)

We generally have a very open friendship but I avoided the question a couple of times because I felt a bit uncomfortable answering

She spun it in a way that her cousin was applying for DLA for her disabled child and wanted to know what extra she could get etc

I ended up telling her and now she's been ignoring me for a week. She said it was ridiculous that I get pretty much twice as much as her full time job etc

I understand the frustration but it's not my fault, I simply claim what's out there for me to claim. I'm a single mother to a disabled child

AIBU? How can I make this right?

I do feel really sorry for her. I know she's having a bit of a rough time financially. I just wish I avoided the conversation all together

You can't un-say it now you've told her. Just like she can't un-hear it either. Next time, just say you receive what you're entitled to claim.

If she's pissed about your answer, be equally pissed back with her that she had the audacity to ask in the first place.

Talking about money and earnings, unless it's with a DP/DH/financial advisor, is best avoided and will very, very rarely end well.

Is it? If someone has disabled children or have a disability themselves that genuinely prevents them from working why should they have an income lower than someone who is able to work.

@AmpleRaven well maybe I was being unreasonable to tell her knowing her financial situation etc. It was probably a bit insensitive even if she was being nosey. But yes she hasn't been very kind either of course

@AmpleRaven she's married but her husband is currently in prison

If she won't speak to you because you have something and she thinks she deserves it more, then she's got the mentality of a four year old.
Don't talk about your finances with people in future. And definitely don't hang out with your alleged 'best friend' anymore.
You could send her a message and tell her that 'if I was to have all my benefits cut off it wouldn't make you any more likely to receive them.'
Then block her the cow.

Kedece · Today 14:39

How can you make what right? You've done nothing wrong. You're claiming what you're entitled too
She's the one with the problem

This ^

I don't get benifits of any kind, I would NEVER begrudge a mother & child of money from the government it is not enough anyway no one could ever convince me it is, she's not a freind, get better freinds that arnt jealous fools ..

The thing is - with her income and the fact that her husband is in prison, she's probably entitled to benefits anyway. Obviously she wouldn't get as much as I do because of the DLA, carer's etc but she'd probably get some help. I would have helped her with all of this when she decides to speak to me again 🤷🏼‍♀️

@AmpleRaven hey, stop being goady and possibly troll hunting.

Oh my goodness a colourful character then, is she not ashamed that the government are using extensive resources & money housing & feeding him ? Especially as she's worried about what money other people get...

Well I suppose you could tell her 'You're welcome to the allowance but you have to have the life changing disability to go with it'. There is a reason you get the benefits you do.

I expect there are people who think my family are lucky because we can use blue badge parking. I don't think that one of my children having to use a wheelchair is particularly lucky.

@AmpleRaven he has very very recently gone to prison, I don't think she's looked into it herself yet, she's not very clued up about these things. Hopefully she does her research

And if you expand your attention span you will see that only a few posts in on that other thread there arent any disabled children being claimed for.

Some people are just too eager to pounce

@JenniferBooth very true haha. I'm sure I'm not the only person on mumsnet that's read a thread similar to their own situation and it's promoted them to get their own advice

Here we go again 😂

No, you should have told her to stop asking you how much you get. She badgered you into telling her and now she's punishing you. A very unpleasant person.

When people get defensive about their own situation they can forget the other person’s perspective- just as she has yours.

I would say to her that you understand her frustration.

Remind her that you know what a hard spot she’s in, and you realise that receiving benefits for your disabled child makes the difference between managing and not managing.

Maybe you can use that as an olive branch then if you want to help repair the friendship? Help her find out what/if she's entitled to claim herself? @mumof1x99