Best friend angry at my government benefits

[mumof1x99]

My best friend asked me a couple of times how much money I get on benefits (I get universal credit, carer's allowance, child benefit and DLA for my child)

We generally have a very open friendship but I avoided the question a couple of times because I felt a bit uncomfortable answering

She spun it in a way that her cousin was applying for DLA for her disabled child and wanted to know what extra she could get etc

I ended up telling her and now she's been ignoring me for a week. She said it was ridiculous that I get pretty much twice as much as her full time job etc

I understand the frustration but it's not my fault, I simply claim what's out there for me to claim. I'm a single mother to a disabled child

AIBU? How can I make this right?

You are missing the point by a few hundred miles, I think!

Tell her to get a better job and earn more.

One day she might be in a position where she needs to claim benefits so she should wind her neck in.

You have to nothing to make right, as you have done nothing wrong. Your friend is an arse for no longer talking to you because of the benefits you claim. She is jealous and sounds immature.

It's not a good spot. It's someone mixing 2 threads up. The OP is 25. The friend on the other thread is 48. Nothing to do with this OP

Rather than everyone racing to the bottom by attacking each other, why don’t we pressure the government to do something about chronically low wages since that is the root cause of this? Honestly there are senior security jobs in the civil service for £37k, it’s a complete shitshow.

I was wrong, misread the post

Yes I made a mistake

Am I? What's the point then? The post that poster linked to was a post by OP saying how much she receives in benefits. What is the point if not to say she's receiving too much?

I’ve been in this position before with people around me - because I have chronic illnesses and a disabled child and can’t work and get over £3000 per month on benefits. I understand from their POV because they often have to work their arses off and don’t earn anywhere near that every month HOWEVER on the flip side of that - they don’t understand what it’s like to wake up feeling so unwell every single day of your life and how stressful it can be caring for a child that has so many additional needs and that say, people in my situation, can’t go out and earn whatever they want to earn and work whatever jobs they want like ‘normal’ people do.

I really sympathise with you OP 💐

The point is, you’re not getting it as a reward and shouldn’t be ashamed, you’re getting it because that’s the actual cost of living, whereas jobs are not paying that.

"Would you prefer your child to have disabilities that will affect the rest of his/her life and possibly mean s/he can never live independently?"

Deadpan. Tell her you'd like an answer.

You should have said mind your own F'ing business!! Honestly, since when has it been acceptable to ask people how much money they have? My best friend of 36 years would know better than to ask me that - and I wouldn't ask anyone else. She has been sneaky in devising some sob story to get you to tell her and then making you feel bad. Each persons circumstances are totally different. If you want to remain friends with her avoid topics on money, religion and politics!

Wow, husband in prison and she has the cheek to judge you 😂
I wouldn't bother trying to make it right. Anyone who could get in a huff about their friend having a disabled child and needing benefits isn't worth having around.

Of all the things I would be happy for our taxes it be spent on is helping families with disabled family members. If your friend does not get that then unfortunately she is a twat.

Not suggesting that that the OP is the friend. But just a few minutes after posting on that other thread OP started a new thread setting out a very similar reverse scenario minus the IVF etc.

Is it her fault her husband is in prison? Do you know them?

Your friend isn’t bright, is she? Doesn’t have much empathy either. I wouldn’t put too much effort into keeping this friendship going.

benefits are always likely to divide people, it great we a system in place to help those who need it but it’s so easily abused (not saying this you OP)

this is why people shouldn’t talk about money, religion or politics people have strong views and it can spoil friendships

I am in a similar position to your friend. I work all the hours I can, I'm doing a degree and a widowed parent to 2 children and I really struggle financially.

My friend has a severely disabled child, doesn't work and has way more money than I have. I would not for a second begrudge her that. She is terrified for her child's future, will be changing nappies for the rest of her life and her whole life will always revolve around his high needs.

Your friend is not a friend. Her behaviour is disgusting and you have nothing to apologise for. What does she expect you to do, apologise that you have a disabled child and she doesn't?!

I think the fact that her husband has gone to prison is the real issue. She’s angry at him and taken it out on you.
Shes running every ‘life is unfair’ scenario in her mind. If she’s only just started asking you about finances, it’s because it hasn’t entered her head before.
But now she’s struggling she’s looked at you and thought….
I am pissed off my friend gets all that lovely free money.
Vile.
You could have replied that her husband is costing the taxpayer a small fortune, isn’t he lucky to have a home and free bed and board? Because it’s the same ridiculous logic, that you are somehow lucky that you have a disabled child.
You deserve an apology.

Never ever talk about finances with friends. One of you will end up pissed off.

Have you asked her why she is annoyed? Does she consider that you could actually do some form of work, for example? If you explained to her why you cannot work at all she might be more understanding.

And this is the reason I do not ever discuss what UC I get (and both me and DH work by the way) because it’s just not anyone else’s business and someone will always have an opinion on it.

The difference is people on benefits with a disabled child; have a fixed income. That can’t improve their skill set to get more money because they are caring for a child.

someone who doesn’t receive benefits has opportunities to grow in a company and climb a career ladder etc.

I dunno, it's pretty shit to think that people who have disabilities etc deserve less in life. Plus disabilities cost more