Best friend angry at my government benefits

[mumof1x99]

My best friend asked me a couple of times how much money I get on benefits (I get universal credit, carer's allowance, child benefit and DLA for my child)

We generally have a very open friendship but I avoided the question a couple of times because I felt a bit uncomfortable answering

She spun it in a way that her cousin was applying for DLA for her disabled child and wanted to know what extra she could get etc

I ended up telling her and now she's been ignoring me for a week. She said it was ridiculous that I get pretty much twice as much as her full time job etc

I understand the frustration but it's not my fault, I simply claim what's out there for me to claim. I'm a single mother to a disabled child

AIBU? How can I make this right?

But she doesn't care!

Stop pandering and rushing after her.

I have 2 kids with autism so get a fair amount of benefits as well as my husbands wage.. I couldn't give a stuff if people think its fair..life with kids with disabilities is bloody hard and we need the extra help whichever way it comes

You can say 'arsehole' on here

My thoughts exactly! Parasite!

My friend gets a very high amount of UC due to all her dc being disabled . Neither her or her dp work. Do I feel jealous ? No! Do i want their life ? No! They are permanently at hospital appts or therapy. Why on Earth would anyone be jealous of someone with disabled dc ???

😂 Oh the irony.

Tell her to.fuck off.

Remind her that if she had the same circumstances as you, she would get benefits on top of her full-time wage.

in future dont tell people how much you get it just causes issues .My mum was on benefits and it was best not to say .People are judgemental

You're getting money you need to help you to raise a child with a disability. Any civilised person would want you to have this help. It's not like you're getting a party and spa-weekend allowance.

Sounds like you're both in a difficult/struggling position.

Surely it's just easier if you have a small mortgage and a dual income? Or even better if you inherited a bunch of money or your partner is a CEO?

Everyone else is just fighting for survival; it's just a gradient of difficult.

Ten years ago you were 15 and she was 38. You've been friends with her since you were 15?

I'd rather not be receiving DLA for my child.

I'd also rather have a full time job that gave me some satisfaction instead of my part time role from home that I do my best to fit in around all the other stuff involved in having a child with additional needs. I want to work rather than claim carer's allowance. I need to for my own sanity although managing both sometimes nearly pushes me over the edge.

I'd rather not be still up looking after my disabled child at 2am and then up again at 7am to get my other child to school.

OP all I can suggest is simply not discussing it with anyone outside of your immediate family. It's very hard for people who don't experience caring responsibilities for a disabled child to fully understand what's involved and the emotional and financial impact it has on family life.

😲😲😲

If your claims are legitimate then you are doing nothing wrong.
Money makes people weird OP, just try to move on if she will let it drop. If not then not much you can do.
We are in a similar situation that people know, or think they know, what a business deal of DH’s is going to earn us and its making friends of decades behave oddly. Other friends who would have far more cause to be jealous haven’t even mentioned it.

If you and your family didn't qualify for the benefits then they wouldn't have been granted surely?
Pay no heed, she isn't a friend - she played you to get to know what you have been awarded and now is having a strop........!
Stop stressing over this and enjoy your little one

Why do people say 'welcome to mumsnet' like it's some kind of gotcha moment. Posters can be on here for years, name change and then have nothing show up in advanced search

Oh good spot! 😆

Why? I gave my thoughts in a follow up post directed to the OP - not to the poster whose comments were so kind they’ve all been deleted now. You were too quick to jump. Better luck next time x

BF is not 48. You're confusing two threads.

I just checked and it's costing £51k a year of taxpayers money to store the useless waste of oxygen she married.

It's not the benefit system's fault that many employers don't pay a living wage. Take it up with employers or train for better paid careers.

Try to understand that her frustration is genuine but she is pissed off at the system more than you as an individual. It's not that she thinks you deserve no support, it's that she believes someone who is in fulltime employment should be better off than someone on benefits, regardless of other circumstances. This is a widely-held view, she's not unusual for thinking like this. Her annoyance is that she works fulltime, pays taxes etc. and gets half what you get given in handouts.

And what? She could easily be claiming £12k a year in rent, benefits for a single non working parent and a child basic rate is around £10k a year and DLA care and mobility is another £10k a year. Carers allowance is another £4k a year. Add that up and you're around £36k. Which bit do you think she shouldn't be getting? Help to pay the rent to house her disabled child? Base rate of benefits to pay for food and bills? Or the disability and carers support element?

The other thread is NOT about the OP 🙄

Oh yes! Sorry OP!