Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

@PyjamaFiasco my child isn’t at school and I don’t have a DD but I just wanted to say I am appalled by this (although sadly not surprised). If I were in your position OP, I would go to the school (if you dd is happy with this approach) and kick up so much fuss that their little ‘policy’ changes.

You should call the school, ask to speak to her Head of House and request they issue her a toilet pass today. The medical proof is the situation she ended up in yesterday.

I've told dd (also has a pass) that if ever she is denied leave for the toilet, she is to politely say to the teacher "I absoloutley need to visit the bathroom right now" and to leave the classroom. I'll defend her to the hilt (and I'm always a "schools right" first parent).

In this case I'd tell my child that after being told no, to just go to the toilet.
I'd then tell her to ask the school to contact me to discuss the incident and make it very clear why my child just went.
It's not on at all, I understand some kids take the mick and constantly need the loo but in this scenario she had to go.

What does she use? A decent tampon and pad combo changed at lunch time should stop any leaking even very heavy (I sympathise as I have very heavy periods and it was worse when I was a teenager)

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

Surely the option is to just go on the break between even if it means being 2 minutes late?
With actual break time and lunch time really there shouldn’t be a huge need to go between classes other than once in a while.

This is so sad and awful to read.
I would definitely empower her to politely state that she needs to go and to let herself out of the classroom, if any other emergency situations arise like that again.

However longer term, I also doubt it would be hard to get an actual toilet pass as per the school's policy. If you asked the GP for a letter explaining that she can experience heavy/unpredictable periods then she would get a pass I'm sure.
How do passes work, would she be allowed one indefinitely after that or does she need a fresh note every day that she needs one? (I'm assuming not the latter cos that's madness and unsustainable!)

Heavy periods can flood through tampons and pads going out of the pad. The school should issue a toilet pass. Call them now and email with a summary of the conversation. It’s awful what happened to your daughter.

That would have been wholly inadequate for me. Girls should not be made to suffer or feel embarrassed like this.

These are horrible rules. But equally toilets are targets for misbehaving.
It's probably less stressful for your DD just to be better prepared. If she floods occasionally she needs double protection - either as suggested tampon plus pad, or pad plus something like period pants and to change when she gets to school and again at lunchtime.
If she's flooding in that short a timespan I would see the GP as she'll end up anaemic.
High school is absolutely rotten for girls and periods.

Really wow even with heavy periods I would have prevented leakage with a super super tampon (sometimes 2) and a big thick pad (sometimes 2!) I feel for anyone who that wouldn't work for.

If she is flooding despite good preparation then that is a medical issue and you need to talk to the school and press for a pass.

Can’t believe some of the posts on this thread! @Completelyjo @User67556 … do you not think women should simply be able to use the toilet when bleeding? Full stop. End of story? No? We still have to try and fit around systems to comply with what works for men?

I despair.

It's the same for my girls.

I've told my daughters to leave the room and go to the toilet if they need to.

At our school, toilets are locked during lessons, someone from student services has to open a toilet if it's needed.
There is barely any time at break, if the queue is out the door, sometimes the girls won't get in before lessons start so will be late to class (which they are petrified off because they will be punished) At lunch, if they are dinners, they have sittings they have to queue for otherwise they don't make it into the canteen or there isn't any food left.

It's not even a shit school. In fact it's meant to be "the best school in town".

2 tampons at the same time??

Nope.

I don't see how teachers are allowed to tell any child they can't go to the toilet. I can't remember ever being refused and I'm in my 30's so school was a good while ago for me now. This seems like things have gone backwards.

Are you actually recommending people to put in TWO tampons at once? Fucking hell

And no a super tampon and a thick pad wouldn't have prevented me leaking after an hour at certain times. Girls should be allowed to go the toilet

A tampon and a pad shouldn't result in flooding ninety minutes after lunch or morning break.

She is presumably too young to have a problem with fibroids.

I think she needs to be checked at the GP.

The fact women (presumably) are questioning what this girl should do rather than questioning why this girl can’t just use the toilet when she needs to on her period is honestly shocking. No wonder things are still like they are!

Yeah it works. Don't knock it til you've tried it.

The OP didn't mention tampons. Lots of women and girls do not use them.

That's not what I said - I offered a way to avoid leakage which is embarrassing and if she's only using 1 thin pad could happen at any time even with full access to a toilet. Of course she should be allowed to go to the toilet whenever but that's simply not possible at times so you have to be prepared.

Jeez during my heaviest days a super plus tampon and night time pad would barely get me through my commute to work - a whole 20 minutes! It’s ridiculous that girls are being denied access to proper facilities to deal with their periods. How dehumanising for them.

I have literally no sympathy for this as someone regularly in schools.

children can go at break time and lunch time. They can easily change then and will never have a pad on for more than 2 hours.

periods are regularly used as an excuse to get out of lessons. Abide by the rules. If your period is that heavy, get medical evidence and a permanent toilet pass.

This