Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

Yes, really. When I had flooding, it would gush like a wave through an extra large menstrual cup combined with the thickest possible pad. I had a couple of mortifying experiences at work.

I've mentioned this but she's too nervous to draw anymore attention to herself after being told no. She certainly won't hand a note about her period to a male teacher.

I appreciate it's a tough position for schools because there will definitely be girls who abuse the system, wanting to get out of class for 10 mins each time citing "I'm on my period." It's disruptive for the teacher and the other kids, but the genuine cases end up being punished instead.

And like I say, I'm not anticipating this being a regular problem, she hasn't flooded before so hopefully it's an irregular thing and even if it does happen maybe it'll be fine if timed better between break and lunch but I just know it's made her very anxious about periods at school now.

This happened to my daughter. I was so upset for her. Early periods are unpredictable and hard to manage. We did go to the gp and got transeximic acid which helped reduce the flow a bit. Also iron pills as she was heading towards anaemia. Over time she's worked out the best pads and period pants to use and can now manage better. I spoke to the head of year and found out where girls can go to get clean clothes if needed.
Sending much sympathy. It's horrible for the girl and horrible as a mum too.

Its because kids take the piss unfortunately, but agree with you OP, surely it's a safeguarding issue? They go on and about students webeing!

You may be happy doing that (sounds like a recipe for leaks to me) but if it’s one of the first periods then the poor kid may still have a hymen. All through my life I have needed to change pad and tampon every hour at least on the first day or two. Trying to get enough sleep isn’t fun, it’s one of the few upsides to impending menopause. We asked for and recieved a toilet pass, while waiting I told my daughter to walk out of any lesson she needed to and I would explain her need to anyone. I flooded in lessons at school and can still remember the horror, any female teacher should support her. Please tell me you aren’t a teacher User67556

edited - wrong quote and I can’t change it to be from User67556, sorry!

Building regs do not specify the minimum number of toilets needed in school buildings, nor do they theyn specific whether these can be closed off during the day.

If it was anything like my school, it would depend on the teacher you have after break. I remember lots of detentions being handed out for being late to lesson. Or the teacher just berating students in front of others for being late and wouldn't accept "I needed the toilet" as an answer 😪

I feel for you! I had a client at work once who this happened to, she was absolutely mortified that she ruined a chair. I popped to tesco for her next door and got her some new leggings etc and hid the chair away and stuff, I've had really heavy periods but not as bad as that and I just wanted to make everything OK for her. She wanted to rearrange her mortgage appointment because she was so embarrassed but I said no this is important let's just get you sorted. She was so grateful but honestly I just wanted her to stop being embarrassed- it's a normal bodily function and no one ever intends for it to happen so anyway I feel for you.

It's not just access either, the toilets are disgusting. Both my DC said that.

It's so depressing that this level of ignorance exists. Are you aware that the current estimated incidence of endometriosis in teenage girls js around 10%, same as with adult women? That's (conservatively) 1 girl per class at least. There's your numbers problem right there.
Are you aware that this condition is often severe enough to classify as a disability, and can make navigating periods in the teenage years extremely complex?
Are you aware that the gap between onset and diagnosis is, on average, around 7 years, in large part because GPs refuse to refer.
This means that the girl who develops endometriosis aged 12 has little chance of a diagnosis before she leaves school.

Tell me how these girls are to get 'medical evidence ' when the GP won't refer them. But you 'have no sympathy '. Sheesh.

And just FYI, for these girls, 2 hours without changing a pad is much, much too long and will result in flooding.

I’m sorry for your daughter, it’s a horrid thing to happen. I experienced similar at her age when our school used to lock the toilets during breaks as punishment for poor behaviour. I didn’t want to give a full explanation to my teachers during lessons in front of all my classmates so had many accidents. I wasn’t alone amongst a population of teenage girls.

My parents and others were usually of the follow all the school rules mindset but they all kicked off about this big time. It’s a medical need and shouldn’t be minimised. I would escalate this and I’m not a person who says that lightly.

And for the people on this thread who think you can somehow avoid it by using all the protection available I used to use three pads including a thick nighttime one during the day and sometimes it still wasn’t enough. When you’ve got to go you’ve got to go!

If you have no sympathy then you're not fit to be working in a school or in any role which involves you interacting with women or girls tbh.

Maybe try working on a construction site?

The same as the school I attended. It was a catch 22. You were late and said you were in the toilet, their response was "you should have gone at break." But at break they were full too. It's very difficult for the genuine ones.

I have a tilted cervix and have never been able to use tampons. Also younger girls may struggle with them so this isn’t a great solution.

I think having parents supervise toilets perhaps? I honestly don't think parents believe what happens in school toilets, how regularly they are vandalised or flooded, or used as a place to meet friends/vape/bully.

I imagine this is rare though. There are other things I guess too like mooncups etc.

If they're closed then they effectively don't exist and your building is not fit for human habitation.

Sometimes two hours is too long and you'll flood, however "well prepared" you are.
Or you might not usually need such heavy protection and be taken by surprise.
Lucky you if you've never suffered it.
OP, your poor dd.

Pushing them up isn't the problem IMO - it's pulling them out later......ouch !

This makes me so bloody angry as a society we are supposed to be lifting up our girls instead they are still so ashamed and embarrassed of a normal bodily function. Poor love. More obviously needs doing for them to feel comfortable to ask to use the toilets and confident the answer will be yes without a an embarrassing incident in front of the class. I would definitely raise this with the school and see exactly what their policy is and how your daughter and other girls can access the bathrooms with no fuss when needed.

I flooded a super plus in 40mins two months ago. I don’t have heavy periods, it was out of the norm and I don’t have any issues. I think when bleeding toilets need to be readily available as it’s not always predictable and we aren’t designed to bleed (wee or poo) to a set clock

The fact that some pupils might use a period as an excuse to leave the lesson when they do not really need to (teenagers will be teenagers) is no reason to stop any girl going to the toilet. I had flooding from my first period on and when it floods, it floods.

I am sorry your DD had to put up with this situation - and well done you for standing up for her.

It's normal for girls and women with endometriosis to struggle with both tampons and mooncups because they can cause high levels of pain for this group. This isn't a small group, it's around 10% of the female population so actually quite common. And in any case, they're still not enough for really heavy bleeding.
Tampons are not the solution here.

But some young girls don't like using tampons. I didn't

No I don’t think on the whole waiting around 2.5hrs to use the bathroom in most circumstances is particularly unreasonable and if there are extenuating circumstances to address, like the OP’s DD then the mother can contact the school and a special pass can be issued.
I really don’t think that is so outlandish.