Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

I agree, yesterday was unexpected so pads have worked fine before but maybe period pants are the way forward just to ease the anxiety. I've never used them (not sure they were even a thing in my day???) but as long as they're flood proof for the odd accident it might be the only way.

Just to add, my adorable son was late home once because he walked a girl home that he had given his blazer to cover herself with after leaking.

Sweet Jesus Christ - cant believe someone actually wrote this

Ridiculous school policy. But to help with the flooding - could she get some period pants? She could wear it with a pad as well and hopefully would stop any leaking. I have cheeky wipes ones and I've heard Modi body are good too. Might help her to feel less worried about leaking. Bless her :( and maybe a GP appt if she is that heavy as the earlier these things are dealt with the better (and knowing how shocking our women's health system is :()

I’d be going full on ballistic at this. There is no dignity for these girls at all. As for your dd, easier said than done to just walk out. It’s difficult enough to need to show a toilet pass without having to fight to get one.

Poor love. I had something similar when I was much older and I was in work and wasn’t supposed to leave the room. I was too shy and unconfident to just go (which is what id do now). I remember the absolute feelings of being mortified and the worry of someone coming to use the chair afterwards.

It is very easy for adults to say she should just go. It’s much harder to do so if you’re in a position of being subordinate to the teacher, not wanting to break rules etc. Can you speak to the school and get her a toilet pass for the future? It won’t be the last time if she’s very heavy.

Not necessarily.

I'm a retired teacher. At one point, I was leaking after an hour - was using a tampon plus a night pad. Yes, I did seek medical intervention.

I recall diving out of my classroom and asking a colleague to keep an eye on it while I scrambled to get to the toilets.

No.

Equality legislation is about ensuring equal access, and accepting that for some people that will mean special arrangements. For example, allowing women, and not men, time off to attend antenatal appointments

Also to the person who said put in two tampons, firstly that's not how you're supposed to use them. Secondly, even though I've had vaginal births, I wouldn't be able to personally fit more than one tampon in. And I'm sure that must therefore also be the case for teenage girls.

Or at least women who don't have any empathy teenage daughters.

My solution would be to write your daughter a note with your email and phone number on it, saying that you have given your daughter permission to use the toilet as needed after informing the teacher of where she is going but not asking, and that no adult is to discuss her bodily functions with her as she is a child and it’s highly inappropriate. Tell them they can contact you if they have concerns about your child spending too much time outside of class. This is what I will do when my children are in secondary - I won’t have them collectively punished because some people are incapable of teaching their children how to behave. If anyone has specific concerns about my child I’m happy to discuss and support the school with consequences and punishments, but all people over the age of 6 or 7 are capable of managing their own toilet needs completely independently, and that includes knowing when they need to use the toilet. The school environment is primarily to prepare children for work and the acceptance of authority, so I don’t think it’s reasonable to extend teacher control over students to something that very few to zero workplaces are trying to have any input in, such as the timings of toilet breaks.

If your child would be embarrassed by showing a note like this to a teacher while in the process of leaving to use the toilet, she could arrive to a lesson early or stay late and show each of her teachers the note at a completely different time so no one else knows what’s being read.

Love this. What a sweetheart. From what my daughter has said about the boys at school your son would be in the minority.

Same. ☹️

I'm in the US but this wasn't a thing when I was in school. I just asked my daughter (she's home in a personalized learning day today) and she said they're allowed to go whenever they ask.

Tampons aren't always comfortable for teenagers (or older women for that matter)
And lunch times barely allow enough time to eat now, it's not like when we were at school with a 45-60 minute lunch break.

It's worth asking for a pass for her, today, anyways, and explaing to the HoH what happened to her yesterday. Even if you add 'we are seeking medical advice on whether this is outside of the range of normal but in the meantime I need assurance that she can visit the toilets as needed when on her period".

Thank you! Those who are banging on about a pad being able to last two hours are fortunate. As for the "seek medical intervention" comment made by a few posters, I saw a doctor when I was 20 and was told that I was imagining how heavy my period was. Finally had a laparoscopy at 40 when I was told that I had endo plus a fibroid.

For what it's worth, I'm a retired secondary HoD.

At my school, we just needed the parent to give the girl a note or to phone the Guidance Team to sort out a toilet pass.

Honestly! I can’t believe some of the posts I’ve read.

OP, your daughter should just leave to the toilet and deal with the consequences (with your support) after.

Honestly - some schools sound like prisons!

And the doctor will do what exactly? Having suffered from heavy periods all my life, the doctor will offer the pill (hormones, don't always agree with you, 12 years old feels too young), tranexamic acid (not always suitable, particularly for those with a history of blood clots) - and that's about it. There is no wonder cure or alternative. Its awful that girls have to struggle with this, without being made to feel embarrassed about it - or by minimising their experience with unhelpful "just wear 2 pads" type advice. My periods - at their worst - meant I flooded in 20 minutes. I went to 2 different GPs and their advice was the same, that there was nothing they could do beyond the pill (or mirena) or tranexamic acid. Both those options were not suitable for me due to medical history. And I had scans to rule out anything else and was told it was just my body, and some women are like that. The hardest thing is convincing other women that this type of thing happens to other women.

Wouldn't have worked for me either. It's taken til my 30s for me to get any sort of treatment for it. It was awful to try and deal with at school and I was just lucky that I didn't end up in the situation of the OPs daughter

I'm waiting on a call back from HoY so I'll see what he says. Haven't had many dealing with him but my daughter likes him, said he's always nice to everyone so hopefully he's just as reasonable with the parents.

Or maybe just women who are ignorant as it's never happened to them.
I might have been one of them when I was younger, it's happened to me as an older adult though and it's mortifying when it happens.
I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be at school and have that happen! Especially when you've been denied access to the toilet 😡

You sound nice.

Ever had an unpredictable heavy period?

It does happen. My school used to lock the toilets during class time to prevent vandalism.

Fortunately, but the time I retired, the new builds in our LA had ample toilet provision - albeit with sinks open to the corridor. Yes, female staff did object to the layout.

If periods are used as an excuse that’s a management problem. Girls should not be denied access ever as accidents will happen. It’s happened to all girls/women.

The schools I know of in two different countries have dedicated period toilets. Nice clean safe areas. To prevent abuse, to make sure there are no queue issues and an acknowledgment that girls need support. I’m glad none of my children met anyone like you.

So a young girl has blood on her trousers and on the chair she has to sit in (then someone after her). Are you saying she should just sit in it because she has other times in the day when she can go?