Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

This shit has to stop. Why aren't parents doing something about this? Misogyny is rife and I'm baffled you're allowing your daughters to be treat this way.

But it’s still no excuse to deny a 12yo access to the toilets on her period, end of.

Females have been having periods since humans existed. Some children have taken the piss with getting out of lessons since schools existed. Surely someone has come up with something to alleviate all the issues in that time frame, or is it just not a priority because its an issue impacting girls?

Simply not true. I’ve had flooding that leaked through a max absorbency tampon and a nighttime towel in my early teens and my late teens. I didn’t have fibroids and there was no medical problem.

Schools are so crap now. When I was at school, the teachers, both male and female, were sensitive enough in listening to us to recognise an immediate period need, and would allow us to go during lessons. A toilet pass would surely identify to others when girls had their period - unless they automatically gave a permanent one to each girl.

What is your solution?

This issue really fucks me off.

It's inhumane to do this to girls. The system has clear been designed for boys who can take a quick wee and be on their way. It takes longer for women & girls to go to the toilet for various reasons, and you can plainly see this in the long queues typically in female public toilets (which are always 50 / 50 in designation even though women need them more).

I think you and her should shame & embarrass them as much as possible. Not in front of the class, but if she has her phone on her and can take photos of her leaked clothes and chair, send it to whoever it needs to be sent to.

I don't really disagree, in this scenario though the pupil didn't say she had a desperate need she just asked once - totally normal for teachers to say no the first time someone asks, those really needing usually ask again.
Teachers don't let anyone go all the time as they're told not to by leadership, they want to actually get on with teaching, no-one can use the toilets once they're flooded, and tbh also because they can't do this themselves in their job so are used to planning toilet trips around breaks.

It’s the opposite?

This was my approach. One of my dds had a minor bladder issue, when she needed to go, she needed to go. I'd advised the school of this and asked her teachers be informed but told her if she was ever prevented from leaving class she was to just quietly go and if the teacher wanted an argument, they could have one with me.

I've always supported their schools, encouraged hard work and good behaviour etc. But i'm buggered i'll tolerate them bleeding through their clothing or soiling themselves in class because a) i'm damned sure the teacher wouldn't b) no one can concentrate on their work if they're stressed or uncomfortable and c) the behaviour of some children which results in schools denying all the children a basic right to access toilets when needed is not my children's fault or responsibility.

They're children, inc teen girls dealing with erratic periods, not prisoners for heaven's sake.

Can’t help feeling some of the less reasonable answered on her must be from men. A 12 yo shouldn’t be put through so much stress when she’s already having to deal with menstruation.

I think from what I've gathered today is more about she's sat in class very anxious that it's happened again but not being entirely sure without standing up to check. The flooding isn't common, but since it happened yesterday on her chair she's not extra paranoid it'll happen again.

As far as this teacher knew, she wasn't needing because of a period.

@cooljerk

No girl should have to, or be expected to wear a tampon. Ever.

And in the meantime?

It's like when people say oh she needs to see gynae. I don't think people realise the wait lists, it's over 18 months even if you are on morphine for painful periods and have stage 4 endo

I don't care how difficult schools are atm, this is a disgusting way to treat girls and young women.

We should be aiming for equity, not equality. It simply isn't fair for girls.

OP I think period pants (plus pad) would give her more security and reduce anxiety.
Maybe plan how she asks next time - going up to the teacher and saying she really needs to go - even if she can't bring herself to actually mention a period - will be more likely to gain permission. I would also tell her to leave if it is an absolute emergency, she can apologise/explain afterwards.

In some countries girls stop going to school once they get their periods because of the embrassment. We like to think that we are better than those countries in ensuring our girls stay in school, but instead we force them to sit on a chair while they bleed through their clothes.

Quite. My 15 year old doesn't like the idea of using tampons. She's autistic. At times like these, I am glad I took her out of school.

But this is the crux of the issue. Yes there are people who would lie to get out of class or to be disruptive and yes the teacher didn't know she was on her period or even that being on her period would pose a problem, but in my daughter's case the end result was still that she bled onto her trousers and the fabric on the chair. I can't picture most girls being brave enough to say "miss I'm on my period can I go to the toilet."

@Anothermathstutor

Don’t know if you’ve ever had periods, but it is not ok to be denied the opportunity to change and clean yourself up.

I spent my high school years with very heavy periods and it was awful to have to get friends to keep checking the back of my trousers and to keep checking the seat. And yes, I was advised by (female) GP. Don’t use tampons if you can avoid it (toxic shock danger and not being good under 14 re body) and to change pads before full and not sitting in them (potential infection).

It is unacceptable to penalise girls for a natural bodily function and make them scared of its results every month. Quite apart from the embarrassment, which can be bad for mental health/anxiety.

This is the 21st century for god’s sake.

Confident girls will ask again. Less confident ones won't.

This is besides the point @User67556, and pretty insensitive.

OP, toilets passes are ridiculous anyway, and for girls who are on their periods, I think they are bordering on indirect discrimination. Moreover, teenage girls absolutely should not need to have to tell the teacher in front of their whole class that they are on their period if they don’t want to, just so they can use the loo. I would be raising this issue with the head.

I only have a son at school now but this is the rule at his school. Lunchtime is the only time long enough to get to the one toilet block that is open, they have permanently closed all the others, and lunch is 13:45.

The same toilet block has a teacher sitting outside it and even if you did just walk out of class, that teacher has all the "pass" children on a list so she won't open the toilet for you anyway if you don't have one.

Sorry that is not helpful at all
I had both and didn't stop me leaking one day - it came i a big swoosh and not thing i was wearing could control it - Every women is different