Page 20 | Periods at school but no toilet pass

PyjamaFiasco · 2025-02-04T12:07:46+00:00

Hello hive mind. What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson? Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need. My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it. When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently. She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/02/2025 05:26

PyjamaFiasco · 04/02/2025 12:27

Thanks all.

She's only 12 and doesn't feel comfortable with tampons yet so she's only using pads. First break is at 10:15 and lunch is 1:15 so it's the time between that. Appreciate it's not a common occurrence and usually the time in between isn't too long that it's a problem but with the one-off flooding yesterday she's just worried it'll happen again.

I've told her if she needs to go when she's on her period to just go. It's a hill I'll happily die on if the school kick up a fuss, and she'll not be attending any detentions for it. I have, however, reinforced that it doesn't give her carte blanche to go outside of her period week unless an emergency, she can go at break and lunch if it's just for a wee so she can only "break the rules" as such when it's a situation such as this.

It's so easy as adults (or as a mouthy teen like I was) to just walk out and go to the toilet when something like yesterday happens but I think we sometimes forget how shy some kids are at that age. Standing up, walking out and then walking back in with the whole class watching knowing the teacher will be annoyed takes courage.

I agree she should be allowed to go. Have you tried periid pants for her ? My niece ( also 12 and v. heavy periods) has found them v. helpful, also ibruprofen may reduce the flow, but yes ultimately she should be allowed to leave the class to change her pad.

I would write to the school.

HereBeFuckery · 07/02/2025 05:31

@ByCyanMoose
The CAPS was my imperfect way of indicating the hysteria we get from students and parents. Many of the emails I get from parents, which arrive during lessons, have multiple uses of CAPS lock to indicate how seriously I should take the email.

Often followed by a second email within the hour, demanding to know why I haven't abandoned the lesson to call them on the spot.

Not me that's hysterical, love. Nor is my irritation with the children. It's the parents. Especially the parents who deflect any hint that they may have to take responsibility for their child's actions with, "well, if it's that bad, resign".

ByCyanMoose · 07/02/2025 06:26

HereBeFuckery · 07/02/2025 05:31

@ByCyanMoose
The CAPS was my imperfect way of indicating the hysteria we get from students and parents. Many of the emails I get from parents, which arrive during lessons, have multiple uses of CAPS lock to indicate how seriously I should take the email.

Often followed by a second email within the hour, demanding to know why I haven't abandoned the lesson to call them on the spot.

Not me that's hysterical, love. Nor is my irritation with the children. It's the parents. Especially the parents who deflect any hint that they may have to take responsibility for their child's actions with, "well, if it's that bad, resign".

Ok understood. I might have misread your tone there.

ilovemoney · 07/02/2025 06:38

All the emphasis is on a 12 year old girl to prevent making a fuss and breaking rules and to make herself uncomfortable so she doesn’t break rules. She must bend over backwards. No wonder we have such problems with girls and women being coerced and abused in society when this is our attitude towards them. They must bend and behave rather than have rights and dignity.

Superhansrantowindsor · 07/02/2025 06:40

I don’t know what the answer is. But please, teachers are human and often parents too. We aren’t being deliberately cruel or whatever. There is a genuine problem with safeguarding and pupils abusing the right to leave class. Someone up thread said surely we know who is being genuine. Well yes we do have a pretty good idea but you can’t let one kid go and not another. I don’t know when it became such an issue. I’ve taught for a very long time. It’s only since Covid that the toilets seem to have become a battleground.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/02/2025 06:58

Superhansrantowindsor · 07/02/2025 06:40

I don’t know what the answer is. But please, teachers are human and often parents too. We aren’t being deliberately cruel or whatever. There is a genuine problem with safeguarding and pupils abusing the right to leave class. Someone up thread said surely we know who is being genuine. Well yes we do have a pretty good idea but you can’t let one kid go and not another. I don’t know when it became such an issue. I’ve taught for a very long time. It’s only since Covid that the toilets seem to have become a battleground.

In OP’s case the very embarrassed child who left a blood soaked chair behind was the genuine one. Pity she, and others like her will continue to be traumatised until school policies like this are successfully challenged for being illegal and discriminatory to female students.

JasperTheDoll · 07/02/2025 07:04

ByCyanMoose · 06/02/2025 13:28

That sounds like a horrendous school and one with severe management problems. However, every human being, who is the parent of a child that is also a human being with bodily functions, is going to advise them to walk out rather than soil themselves in class. If you want someone that obedient, you need either a dog or a well-programmed.

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I'd say it sounds like the majority secondary schools now. There was an incident in my dd's school where 3 pupils overdosed on liquid morphine and very strong painkillers one of them had 'acquired'. They were all pupils who had toilet passes too so even that system gets abused. This is what schools have to deal with and why they can't just let people roam freely around corridors and go to the toilets as and when they please.

Superhansrantowindsor · 07/02/2025 07:06

But that was the point I made earlier in the thread. Genuine cases of upset and distress caused because of a blanket policy.
what can schools do to ensure the safety and dignity of all students? How do we let all students go to the toilet whenever they ask but avoid all the other problems that this creates?

Rosscameasdoody · 07/02/2025 07:14

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 06/02/2025 15:09

I don't understand why it's illegal for parents to keep their children home from school if they're not ill, but not illegal for schools to deliberately make their buildings unfit for human occupation.

Why should children be forced to spend their days in a place where their basic human needs are not being met? If prisoners weren't given access to toilets it would be considered a human rights violation.

Edited

The school policy regarding toilet visits/keeping toilets locked and inaccessible is illegal. It discriminates against female students and is contrary to the Equality Act 2010. It’s probably breaking health and safety laws too - by denying all students access to a toilet when they need one. It’s a basic human right. Employers have tried similar tactics - notably in call centres - and have come unstuck. I don’t see why schools can act above the law.

Bearbookagainandagain · 07/02/2025 07:18

@PyjamaFiasco coming in a bit late and dont know if this was suggested already, but you could have a look at period pants for teens.
She could wear them over her normal pants and pad, if she is worried at school (I wouldn't wear instead of the pad, they have similar absorbance).
I got a couple recently to try and there so comfy!

Sorry I don't have any recommendations for school, my kids are too young!

HereBeFuckery · 07/02/2025 07:19

@ByCyanMoose that was very gracious of you. I shouldn't reply at 5am, I'm not at my best!
Anyway, off to gird myself up for the last day of a long week!

Greenkindness · 07/02/2025 07:47

I went an all girls school with mostly female teachers and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable talking to teachers. I would write and explain the situation and say she needs a toilet pass. This is a time I would not mind looking like an overbearing neurotic mum if it meant my DD didn’t have to deal with this.

NoSoupForU · 07/02/2025 08:32

whippy1981 · 07/02/2025 04:54

Teacher's mat leave is shocking so no they do not have a year off in most cases. Most come back well before a year because teachers do not get things like being able to take all the holiday time accrued etc. Also if periods haven't returned until after you go back that also can be a different issue. If your body gives you cues in a lesson there is nothing you can do about it. Not all get cues. Nope not all have indicators of ovulation, premenstruation. Some get no cues at all and it just happens.

No one is denying females the basics at all. It is the new "I knew someone who got run over by a bus during covid" line.

You said that as an adult then it never is a problem as adults have experience with periods that children do not and so it is not the same. Nope adults do not all have experience with periods or periods that change etc. Not sure why you assume that I think that no one ever floods. Nope females are not comparable as all have different experiences all the time. Not and adult child thing it is female changing bodies thing. To know that would be beneficial that we are all not comparable. 40 year old to 40 year old or 30 year old to 31 year old.

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Again, not great with the comprehension are you? I specifically said that as an adult even if you don't have those signs you should have enough empathy and understanding to realise that shit things happen to other people, and be able to treat them with kindness.

And teachers have the same maternity entitlement as everybody else in any other profession. What they choose to do with it is entirely up to them, as it is anybody else.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/02/2025 10:44

Walkden · 06/02/2025 19:18

"No education is better than denying toilet access. It's simply not worth it."

I recall many posters saying something rather different when schools closed to many pupils over lockdown and pupils had to learn from home where they presumably had toilet access whenever they needed it.

Children shouldn't have to choose between access to education and sanitation in the UK in the 21st century.

Walkden · 07/02/2025 13:26

"Children shouldn't have to choose between access to education and sanitation in the UK in the 21st century."

Well they are not are they? Children don't choose to go to school with these policies; their parents do. They could always choose to home educate them or send them to private schools who probably have the resources to monitor toilets in lesson time...

Naunet · 07/02/2025 13:51

God this thread is depressing, so many women completely ignorant to flooding and completely devoid of empathy for young girls learning to manage their periods.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/02/2025 19:37

Walkden · 07/02/2025 13:26

"Children shouldn't have to choose between access to education and sanitation in the UK in the 21st century."

Well they are not are they? Children don't choose to go to school with these policies; their parents do. They could always choose to home educate them or send them to private schools who probably have the resources to monitor toilets in lesson time...

Edited

Yes, because it’s just that easy………

whippy1981 · 07/02/2025 20:41

NoSoupForU · 07/02/2025 08:32

Again, not great with the comprehension are you? I specifically said that as an adult even if you don't have those signs you should have enough empathy and understanding to realise that shit things happen to other people, and be able to treat them with kindness.

And teachers have the same maternity entitlement as everybody else in any other profession. What they choose to do with it is entirely up to them, as it is anybody else.

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I did read it. No one is suggesting not to be kind to them. No idea where you think I said do not be kind to females. I didn't. What teachers choose to do with their unpaid leave that they cannot get back is entirely up to them! Nope it isn't. They do not have that opportunity.

Elseaknows · 09/02/2025 08:36

The whole attitude of well I'm a teacher and I have to suffer through is awful. YOU'RE AN ADULT! These are children ffs. Children don't choose to sit in lessons with erratic periods. 😞
It's hard and embarrassing. No one is saying it's not difficult to teach during these times as a woman but a little bit of compassion for a teenage girl who isn't familiar with heavy erratic periods...is it so hard to imagine?

Cremeeggtime · 09/02/2025 09:22

I think posters are saying teachers have to wait because other posters have been saying no adult has to wait in their job to go to the loo - yes, they often do.

whippy1981 · 09/02/2025 16:09

Elseaknows · 09/02/2025 08:36

The whole attitude of well I'm a teacher and I have to suffer through is awful. YOU'RE AN ADULT! These are children ffs. Children don't choose to sit in lessons with erratic periods. 😞
It's hard and embarrassing. No one is saying it's not difficult to teach during these times as a woman but a little bit of compassion for a teenage girl who isn't familiar with heavy erratic periods...is it so hard to imagine?

So being an adult means it is ok not be able to go to the toilet all day even when dealing with erratic periods?

Sheeparemyfriends · 09/02/2025 17:07

Coloursofthewind2 · 04/02/2025 12:23

I don't see how teachers are allowed to tell any child they can't go to the toilet. I can't remember ever being refused and I'm in my 30's so school was a good while ago for me now. This seems like things have gone backwards.

I'm a teacher. Kids take the micky and go to the toilet to vape, cause trouble, meet their mates etc. It has become a huge problem. I would recommend period pants, and a heavy pad. Funnily enough those with toilet passes, and a medical need are not the ones who often ask to use them

Coloursofthewind2 · 09/02/2025 18:02

Sheeparemyfriends · 09/02/2025 17:07

I'm a teacher. Kids take the micky and go to the toilet to vape, cause trouble, meet their mates etc. It has become a huge problem. I would recommend period pants, and a heavy pad. Funnily enough those with toilet passes, and a medical need are not the ones who often ask to use them

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But surely any child could get a funny tummy or be desperate for a wee at any time, even with no medical condition to warrant a pass? It would cause me anxiety to know I had no possible access to a toilet for hours day after day.
I'm not saying I know what the awnser is to stop children messing around but it shouldn't be this. Maybe more support staff to monitor toilets?

Incidentally my child was told he couldn't go to the toilet in primary school and wet himself. The teacher apologised to me when I picked him up and said it would never happen again.

Elseaknows · 10/02/2025 06:38

whippy1981 · 09/02/2025 16:09

So being an adult means it is ok not be able to go to the toilet all day even when dealing with erratic periods?

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That's not what I said. But since you want to put words in my mouth, an adult woman tends to have more resilience and experience than a 12/13 year old girl.

NO ONE SHOULD BE UNABLE TO USE THE TOILET WHEN THEY NEED TO. Teachers or students. However teachers choose their profession, children don't choose their "academic rules" their parents do. Showing a little bit of compassion for struggling girls isn't going to kill us.

whippy1981 · 10/02/2025 06:58

Elseaknows · 10/02/2025 06:38

That's not what I said. But since you want to put words in my mouth, an adult woman tends to have more resilience and experience than a 12/13 year old girl.

NO ONE SHOULD BE UNABLE TO USE THE TOILET WHEN THEY NEED TO. Teachers or students. However teachers choose their profession, children don't choose their "academic rules" their parents do. Showing a little bit of compassion for struggling girls isn't going to kill us.

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Resilience? As in holding wee and poo all day without one break? Or bleeding all day without the means to protect themselves? How so? You think that is OK? Jesus Christ.

Why the capitals?! Teachers don't choose to be denied the toilet no. So you think Teachers shouldn't have to email or call parents during break and lunch? Teachers would happily do that and should be able to say to parents I have been told to leave my work if I needed to go to the toilet so it isn't my problem if you didn't get information about your child.

So only compassion for girls not teachers. Got it. So you dont mean what you said in capitals as it is teachers fault they have to go without so they can go for hours without a toilet break. Teachers can go all day without as it is their fault they are missing the toilet you say. Have a little compassion for all I'd say not just girls. You seem to lack that.

Out of curiosity how do these kids get to school without a toilet at hand?