To think it is NOT OK to only send one DC to private school

[MrsMust]

DH and I disagree on this point.
We do not make enough to send more than one DC to private school. Our financial situation is unlikely to improve very much over the next decade (DH is roughly at the top of the ladder in his career, we prefer me to be the flexible worker of the two of us to avoid external after school childcare etc and our mortgage have another 30 odd years).
We have one DC (currently toddler) but would like one more DC.

I think both DC should have equal treatment and either both go to state school or both go to private school. I think it would ruin nice family dynamics, cause resentment between siblings and parents etc

DH thinks we should do everything in our ability to give DC the best possible education (that would result in a subsequent excellent career). Even if that means that it happens for one DC only because we don't have the extra money for two DC in private education. He made it sound like I am nuts for wanting to give DD anything less than what we can afford.

Each child should go to the best school for them. That’s not always private school.

This!!
One of my friends DSD went to state school and college and got majority As in GCSEs and all As and A’s at a level and is now at a Russel group university studying Law and predicted a first. All schools and college were ofsted good at the time. Same friend’s DN is same age, but had full private school education in the same area and got mainly C’s and a few fails in GCSE’s and B’s and C’s in a level. She didn’t go to university and currently works in hospitality which she is happy with but parents feel money was wasted.

Different educations and it definitely was definitely the deciding factor that lead me to send my DC to state school.

I went to an awful state secondary school and got a few C and D grades. My brother went to a private school and got mainly A grades. I've had a more successful career and slightly better money than my brother. I was extremely jealous of my brother's school. I have chosen to send both my DC to a good state school and they are both doing well.

OP, your DH needs to revise his expectations of your children, one who doesn't even exist, now. Even assuming no SEN, you don't know if they will be academically inclined. Even if they are academically inclined, you don't know if they will have that as their main interest. They may be more sporty, artsy, prefer a trade, music, something vocational. You have to get to know each child and find the most suitable school for them.

Also, being good at academics is not a guarantee of 'success' at life, whatever that means. I hope there won't be huge pressure on your children to live up to parental expectations of what success means. Let them be who they are.

We could only afford to pay for one so we had a 7 year gap between children. We only sent them privately to senior school so it was one in one out. It worked very well for us and them. I was privately educated but my sister wasn’t, she passed the exam for grammar school so went there. I didn’t pass and the local secondary school was dire so my parents paid for me. That worked out well for us as both our schools suited us as individuals. My sister went on to uni and I didn’t and I would say we have both achieved equally in our chosen and very different fields.

As some of you said, it could be better to find an outstanding state primary and save hard for private secondary

@MrsMust please don’t rely on Ofsted ratings. Locally to me there are 3 primary schools. 2 have a good rating and 1 outstanding. Parent feedback indicates that the outstanding school is more interested in results than their students. I’m just glad I enrolled my ds into one of the good schools as he is thriving and the school do everything they can to ensure this continues.

We have one child in the local SEN school. The other, we are considering going private for. In our case it feels morally ok as they will be both going to schools that adequately meet their needs. We are avoiding penalizing number 2 because number 1 is disabled.

Consider also if one child shows passion for sport or drama school. Would you insist they went to a state school over a dedicated drama school for example to be fair to the other child?

This is a family decision to be had with input from both kids when the time comes...not a hypothetical conv to have now. You have no idea what your situation will be in 7 years time.

My adopted GC started in a local school in a very middle class area. We knew that my GD was behind adacemically before she started but the promised, necessary, support with her maths wasn't much use. My GD was also bullied and the school did virtually nothing to help.

They're both now in a school in a less advantaged area with a "Good" rating which was recommended to her by a friend working in Education in the local authority.
Some pupils start with no knowledge of English and the majority don't have an English-speaking background. However it's a much more caring and supportive environment and she is already doing better socially and far better academically. The children are tested regularly and extra help is ALWAYS given if they are slipping behind. Bright children are being given extra work to stretch them.
There are some ND children with helpers in every class too, it is a mixed community in every sense of the word and IMO will give their pupils a much better start in life than their previous middle class academically oriented school.

What do you mean you are the flexible worker? I translate that into part time. Maybe you need to work full time, earn more money for the family, if you want another child and send both to private school.

eldest got into an excellent grammar school (state) but youngest didn’t and the local comp was not good so we paid for her to go to a local independent school. both had an equally good education experience. worked for us.

Please do not plan on this , unless there is a Specific need which becomes apparent much later it only causes distraction in the Family and sets siblings against each other . If later their are specific educational / health needs - you can review at that point ,

We stopped at two as we could only afford private school for two. Not really fair if all children aren't treated equally