To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

[Dappy777]

Is it just me or do young people seem less interested in relationships than we were? It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives. Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children. The young also seem less interested in sex. Statistically (and how the hell they measure this I don't know) the young really are having less sex.

I might be talking complete nonsense, but if it's true, I wonder why. I guess internet porn would partly explain the loss of interest/desire in young men. Also, when society loosens up about sex, and we're saturated with sexual images, sex no longer feels sexy. As for the declining interest in relationships/family, I'm not so sure. I suppose fear about the future, especially climate change, could partly explain it (why bring a child into a dying world, that kind of thinking). Then I suppose the internet has lifted the lid on the reality of relationships and child-rearing – how difficult they can be, and how much of a toll they can take on your health.

Has anyone else noticed this? I know young people still form relationships, have sex, and raise children. I'm just talking about their general attitude to it all. They seem so much less enthusiastic, so much more reluctant and cynical. Sex and relationships and children are viewed more as 'problems' you need to cope with.

I know it’s not the point but any single full time wage being able to finance house purchase and support a family is pushing it a bit.
Large numbers lived in council or housing association houses. The mums I knew as a child in the 60s and 70s all worked if at all possible. Part time, term time but they worked.

Young people seem to engage more online, and it can be very easy to be fooled by someone's online persona. You can see examples on here that many are quite happy to never leave the house or properly interact with others. It's not a good trend.

I think birth rates and population are going to drop massively over the next couple of decades.

Birth rates have already dropped and our population is only going to increase because of immigration

The younger people I know are definitely into sex..

I grew up with the full expectation that I would live school, get married and have babies. My family never actually forgave me for doing the opposite.

I went to uni and married and divorced in the end. I've never been happier and I think my children can see that.

DD has had one boyfriend, who pretty much annoyed her with the expectations of a (normal) relationship. She's now at uni and couldn't be less interested. She works hard, is in the library or gym most evenings. She's been to the union about three times and even then it's just one drink. She talks about doing post grad courses, travelling and living abroad. Women have more opportunities now and they are choosing a different life.

Yes. I have three aged 22-25 all still at home and can confirm.
They want to travel, Earn enough to leave home. Not focusing on relationships. Very sensible and emotionally mature compared to when I was their age.
I do try and counsel them to think about prioritising a relationship as the best way to get ahead in life. It’s probably the only way they’ll ever afford to buy somewhere! But they talk about moving away from London as a better option.
They all have happy and full lives. Are busy and have friends and are attractive and outgoing so it’s not lack of opportunity. The girls have had one relationship between them and ended that as too much effort. The boy has been with his (lovely) GF for two years and says she’s the one and they both joke about not bothering with anyone else if they ever split up.

The young people I work with seem MORE interested than we were. So many are living with and engaged to partners straight out of uni which seems more like it was in my parents' day. And those that aren't with a partner are obsessively dating via an array of apps.

I've seen on many sites that it's about the fundamentally different things the sexes desire.

They often say that women tend to want things in men that come with age... height, strength, confidence, success, competence, experience, financial security, etc., which biologically makes sense as it's about wanting the best for your offspring.

While men are perceived as wanting things that come with youth... beauty, innocence, naivety, inexperience, fertility, sex drive.

With women being more career-minded and only accepting the best men (which takes time), and the perceived lack of sufficiently 'box-ticking' men, are many couples simply leaving families too late?

I’d echo PP who said young people today don’t drink as much as in the past, when I was young almost all the sex I had was after drinking and nights out. That was how you met someone, through friends or in a pub, now it’s all online.

Consent isn't a minefield. It's pretty simple. You should try and get your head around it so you can educate your children. I would guess he already knows though and you are the one who thinks it's a minefield, I've never met a young person confused by it.

The young people I know are certainly into sex, most are in a relationship. With regard to having children most say they cant afford to or they're not interested because of quote: The horrible world we live in.

For many they are stuck in the endless loop of what I call the postponement of adulthood. Living at home, unable to afford to move out, or find a place to live, stuck in low paying hospitality, retail and distribution jobs. Contrary to what some politicians and others are saying most work their butts off, never knowing their hours/ shifts from week to week. Others are more lucky in that they have help from the bank of mum and dad, they are the exception though.

Apart from my jokey remark to them that at least they can swipe right for a shag, I'm glad I was 18 when I was (1980), because it's really tough for many young people out there.

I think things are confusing for both sexes and there are a lot of mixed messages. One of my colleagues sons was sent some underwear pics from his sister's friend. They were all 17, son didn't know what to do as he wasn't interested but was scared of offending. Colleague told her son to report it to the safeguarding team which he did but it did lead to a bit of a fallout.

Consent isn't a minefield

Not sure I agree what that. How many times are you meant to ask, before every move? Reading some threads about it on here I do think I'm very glad I'm not young. I've never asked a man for consent before I kissed him
or touched him.

I work with victims of sexual assault and consent is not straight forward and we need to stop teaching consent training like it is. For example that fucking cup of tea video. Women are often socialised to not make a fuss or cause trouble so may not feel ok saying no to sex they don’t want. We need to teach young men to look for the signs their sexual partner is uncomfortable/not in to what’s happening rather than wait for her to directly say no. I also work with perpetrators who you can tell didn’t realise what they were doing was wrong because we don’t teach consent in this way.

@Kindling1970 my friend works in a similar area and would agree with you, we have had lots of discussions about it as we have similar aged dc.

Consent wasn't taught that way when I was young. It is now. Teenagers are taught to check for signs the person isn't happy. They are taught being coerced isn't consent.

Yes it’s better than it was and is slowly getting there but nowhere near where it needs to be

It's concerning that people working in the field find it so complicated. Just a simple 'is this okay?' can get consent without ruining the mood prior to and during sex. Are they participating? If not they don't want to do it. Sub/dom relationship then that needs detailed discussion and consent beforehand with a safe word. They say no/not in the mood/not sure/I don't like that then it's not consensual so stop and do not try again unless they initiate.

@JLou08 your forgetting nuance and human nature, that's the complicated bit...Two people can witness the same event (nothing to do with sex) and have a different interpretation of what happened.

Young women - unlimited options on dating apps. The paradox of choice.

Young men - unlimited free pornography at the click of a button and for the good looking men unlimited options on dating apps. A lot of men unable to even get a match OLD either so the rise of incels as well.

I mean look at how many threads of here where a poster will talk about an interaction with a friend, family member or colleague and the varied responses.

Young women in the past could have children and be at the front of the housing list and get child/housing benefit. It was more incentivised. Less so with a housing crisis.

I think men didn't have porn as an outlet and didn't have all this stuff about consent and respect, not being too full on, following women around, forcing them to do things etc. Women know they don't have to do it now, more choices and freedom

@Blue278 Tell them it’s easier to buy a property when there’s two of you in a relationship and earning money!!!

I was watching a news report a year or so ago... about the dangers to young women from men...all very important I agree obviously. They were interviewing a youngish woman who was describing how she has been on nights out before and men she doesn't know have started talking to her...i mean, this is how we met our partners decades ago. The idea of being out in a club or bar and a man talking to you is totally normal to me...but I think the younger generation view it very differently. Obviously I'm not talking about pestering or creepy behaviour.