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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

235 replies

Dappy777 · 01/02/2025 17:34

Is it just me or do young people seem less interested in relationships than we were? It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives. Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children. The young also seem less interested in sex. Statistically (and how the hell they measure this I don't know) the young really are having less sex.

I might be talking complete nonsense, but if it's true, I wonder why. I guess internet porn would partly explain the loss of interest/desire in young men. Also, when society loosens up about sex, and we're saturated with sexual images, sex no longer feels sexy. As for the declining interest in relationships/family, I'm not so sure. I suppose fear about the future, especially climate change, could partly explain it (why bring a child into a dying world, that kind of thinking). Then I suppose the internet has lifted the lid on the reality of relationships and child-rearing – how difficult they can be, and how much of a toll they can take on your health.

Has anyone else noticed this? I know young people still form relationships, have sex, and raise children. I'm just talking about their general attitude to it all. They seem so much less enthusiastic, so much more reluctant and cynical. Sex and relationships and children are viewed more as 'problems' you need to cope with.

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fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/02/2025 17:31

I’m an elderly millennial and spent the majority of my 20s and 30s being told by parents (including my own) that parenting is awful, horrific, life-ruining, and not to do it.

Now the message appears to be “your country needs you to have babies!” Given that said country is falling to bits, I can’t access services despite paying a shit-ton in tax, and climate change is an ever-approaching threat to life in said country… why the fuck would I volunteer to give the country babies I don’t want?

Those worried can take comfort in the fact that it’s almost impossible for people to access housing whilst single, and the societal pressure to have kids is still very much a thing, so we’re highly unlikely to run out of babies, even if said babies need to be coerced. It warms the cockles, doesn’t it?

BruFord · 10/02/2025 14:21

@fitzwilliamdarcy That's really very sad, I can’t imagine being told by my parents that deciding to have me was awful and life-ruining. 🙁 I’m mid-Gen X and my Mum did explain that she deliberately had me late so that she could focus on her career first, which makes sense as maternity leave didn’t exist until 1975. By the time she had me in her late 30’s, she had an established career and was ok with taking a break.

I feel the same way with my two, I didn’t rush into having them and have enjoyed parenting.
I advise them not to rush either and if they never feel the urge to have children, don’t!

HamptonPlace · 10/02/2025 14:49

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 17:50

I think they’ve finally been taught that a nuclear way of life isn’t always beneficial for women.

My nieces are at Uni. It seems it’s a world away from my Uni life. They’re all vegan and go to the gym and eat well and only party occasionally. I’m pretty sure I lost half the use of my liver in my Uni days. On the one hand it’s not a bad thing they’re looking after themselves, on the other what a waste of those “throw caution to the wind” years

same...

HamptonPlace · 10/02/2025 14:56

Meadowfinch · 01/02/2025 17:51

I think it's the other way round.

I see absolutely no sign that my 16yo ds is less interested in sex or relationships than my brother was at that age. 😁 All the youthful enthusiasm. He has (as yet) no desire to have children but plenty of time to change his mind.

On the other hand, I, as a single woman, see relationships as a risk. Certainly a physical & emotional risk. There are very few genuinely decent men around. As for children, financial reality takes its toll. I could only afford to raise one child on my own. To have a second child would have taken away my 'escape route' and potentially trapped me in an unhappy relationship. I'd seen too many friends in that situation to risk it.

I own our home, have maintained my career and I have a pension (of sorts). To marry would be too great a risk financially, and could jeopardise my and ds' home and future.

"There are very few genuinely decent men around" perhaps in your social cohort/location but this is, generally nonsense. Men, like all people, are in the most part decent people with their own quibbles ,,,, sorry you have had bad experiences :(

HamptonPlace · 10/02/2025 15:00

some "are incapable of being faithful" - very very few i know.. age 44.. depends on one's community etc i am sure...

HamptonPlace · 10/02/2025 15:03

Whoknew24 · 01/02/2025 19:26

I think the traditional set up doesn’t appeal to younger women. I really don’t blame them, most husbands end up being an additional child/chore. Women carry everything, full time job, running entire house, having to carry the full load with children.

I would rather see my girls live a life which makes them happy, I hope they travel and do everything on their own terms.

I don’t know anyone at all worried about climate change, they seem worried about this country, it’s failing and no one in government seems to want to get the UK back to where it was unfortunately.

Edited

most? where are the stats?

HamptonPlace · 10/02/2025 15:09

Lovageandgeraniums · 01/02/2025 23:02

when it comes to children, there’s been a huge swing in recent decades towards parenthood as something all-encompassing which requires 100% focus on the children: and from the outside, that looks and sounds fucking exhausting

Yes, it's wonderful that the lid has been lifted on the reality of the long, often unrewarding slog that is motherhood and the humongous sacrifice and misery it brings to so many women.

It's the cultural setup, not necessarily the biology of it all. The nuclear family is absolutely unnatural for humans anyway. We need a new setup, but I don't know what that is.

then how do you know it's 'unnatural'?

HamptonPlace · 11/02/2025 10:23

Lovageandgeraniums · 10/02/2025 22:02

@HamptonPlace

https://neurosciencenews.com/culture-environment-learning-28078/

Have a read. It's common knowledge in anthropology

i.e. "it takes a village"? With which i 100%, none of the helicopter parenting nonsense...

TomPinch · 11/02/2025 17:21

How is one more 'natural' than the other?

Anyway, the average nuclear family is part of a wider family and community so perhaps the real difference is that they live in rainforests and we don't.

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